I know this website is unreliable, I’ve been having issues, please be patient. It is still up sometimes you just need to come back later cause I dunno, some computer elves are dicking around in the background. BUT I am here today.
I have an interview soon for a podcast, so that’s kind of cool. I’ll leave details when it’s up. I’m mainly going to be talking about what I like about being neurodivergent in a world with other neurodiverse people.
I honestly don’t understand fascism and wanting everyone to be the same. I never think “I wish EVERYONE was transgender, I wish EVERYONE was Indigenous, I wish EVERYONE was a man, I wish EVERYONE was Bipolar and ADHD.” Like, I don’t want to live in a world where everyone is the same as me. But these fascists DO want to live in a world where everyone is the same as them, and them is a small group of white angry cis men I guess and the women who love them (I guess). It’s so wild, I don’t like homogeneity. I like that my neighbours have different backgrounds and viewpoints. I like that neurodiversity has multiple ways of being. It’s just silly that there’s people who think there’s only one appropriate type of person to exist and be given support in the world.
Anyway I’m getting ready to start interviewing transgender climate migrants next week, although the term migrant is not totally applicable because some people were displaced and went back. I wrote down like, 40 questions to ask but I don’t think I will ask everyone all of them. I need to narrow it down based on each person. But there’s so much to talk about. I still am looking for trans women/trans feminine people to interview so shoot me a message if that’s you and you’ve been displaced or had to leave your home because of a climate disaster (wildfires, floods, landslides, hurricanes, etc). tjcuthand@gmail.com
I’m also trying to get money, so yeah ha ha that’s the constant battle. I’m applying for a job, and I’m applying for another grant. I have a very limited time to decide if I am applying for a composite grant again, but I might just apply for a project grant and leave the composite grants alone. I had an ambitious three year timeline for my trans climate migrant documentary trilogy. But I didn’t get funded this year and decided to pivot and just make a straightforward documentary with my money from U of T. Otherwise it’s going to be four years to get it done (basically another 6 months before getting funded IF EVER). So yeah. It’s not a three year plan anymore. Even if I put in an application for my feature, that’s not a three year project either.
I’m not going to complain about not getting my grants anymore it’s just too tiresome. I can’t help if you don’t see what I see and how urgent it is. Maybe I should have written it better, but I don’t know how to get people to care. I’m sorry I don’t! I haven’t had a long term romantic relationship either ever in my life, I have no idea! None of my love letters even were very well received, probably they’re rotting in a garbage dump somewhere. Rejection sucks and yeah I keep going. Still I persist and persevere.
Anyway yeah projects blah. No the projects are fun, they are that.
I have a lot of writing to do these days, I still need to write a script, and the job application and the grant application. I was writing my letter of application for the job and including all the things about me and I was like damn I sound fancy I hope they don’t think I’m just boasting. Job Applications go against my Cree desire to be humble ha ha. I don’t know if being humble ever helped us though, I think it just helped white people assume we were stupid or useless. A lot of current society values are deeply influenced by European values which are not everyone’s values in the rest of the world. Like, I take a while to say something because I’m thinking. But usually people just keep going and don’t wait for me, so we end up having a really unsatisfying one sided conversation. It’s too bad. At least I can write omg.
I hope my ideas don’t get stolen while I’m getting rejected from juries and shit. That is my nightmare. Sometimes I’ve seen art and it’s been like wait I think that was my idea… Ah well. It’s just I can do it better so I hate when this stuff gets stolen. Or when my literal labour gets stolen and I’m excluded from publicity about a thing and get my artist fees stolen. Yeah that sucks. The art and film world is filled with grifters.
Ha ha just being real grumpy.
Aside from that I am good. I am still working on my stuff. Still learning guitar. I’m doing super good with Strong Enough and I’ve started being able to do the chorus, at least the first two bars of it is memorized. There’s more to learn though. I need to make it sound proper! It’s slow going. I want to be able to perform something for the recital later this term. I think that’s in December. I also need to make sure I can afford singing lessons in November and December, and in December I will have to pay guitar lessons for the winter term. If anyone has some places I can apply to for help paying for my music lessons I would love that. I’m really enjoying myself, I would do it either way. But yeah I’m a poor boy from a poor family. I know my parents have Wikipedia pages but yeah we’re poor. POOR. I couldn’t even get swimming lessons growing up we were so poor.
Anyway I also have to edit a small section of my film for this grant I’m writing. I need to be able to show kind of how it is working. I don’t know which scene to edit. The end is kind of the most important. But yeah, it’s weird, cause I’m looking for cash to finish post production, so it’s not fully there yet. I should also be looking at other grants that are out there. It would be nice to have a steady income for a while, I kind of do hope that job application works out.