I did an artist talk today at University of Toronto for the Queer and Trans Research Lab at the Mark S. Bonham Centre for Sexual Diversity. It went pretty good except the image on my first slide was completely missing. I gotta update that PowerPoint again. ANYWAY then we went for dinner and it was really nice.

BUT ALSO! I applied to teach a six credit studio course next semester at TMU and they offered me the job today, and I accepted. There is still another teaching job that is not official yet. BUT anyway I am going to make enough money to live next semester so I’m really excited about it. It’s going to be a lot of work. This is a Video Art Production course and it’s a mix of lectures, readings, field trips, screenings, and hands on work. So a lot of different ways of teaching in one class which is fun. I was hoping Images Festival would be on while the semester is happening but I’m not sure it will be. I’m going to have to keep my eye out for other video art screenings the students can go to. And find my fave examples of video art to demonstrate video art history and possibilities. And see what equipment they have access to.

I’ve also applied to that department for a tenure track job, so I’m hoping this means they will call me in for an interview and all that. The deadline for the job hasn’t passed yet so they have tons of time to let me know if they want to see what I can do. It helps that I am teaching a class in that department though, I will get to know the students and so on and the other professors and department chair can get to know me.

There’s some interesting spiritual stuff that lead up to this because I get this “ancestor” voice sometimes which I think is actually pretty common among Indigenous people. But one day I was all sad about being poor and the ancestor voice said if I helped them out by feeding them they would help me out. And I felt kind of bad because I’d known for a long time I needed to feed the spirits. I think I was just like “No this isn’t the kind of food spirits want to eat!” I don’t know what I was thinking but then finally one day I was like “I should just feed them what I like to eat.” So I gave them an offering of greek yogurt with Jordan’s and berries and honey, and a piece of salami and a cigarette. And just put it on my porch on a plate that used to belong to Jean Goodwill Cuthand who I am named after who is also a spirit now. Anyway that’s when I suddenly got a potential job (still not official). And I was like wow I think I need to feed them more often. So the next offering was spaghetti with meat sauce and a piece of bannock with butter and raspberry jam and a cigarette. And then today I got that job offer!

So I think offerings are going to be a more regular part of my spiritual practice. I am mostly someone who smudges but not a lot of other things. I am going to a 2 Spirit sweat tomorrow though which I am stoked about. I haven’t been to a sweat in a long time. And I will get to see some friends.

I’m really grateful to my ancestors and also all the people who have supported my work and answered my desperate cries for toilet paper money. And the people who have helped me get jobs, that’s really great! I just want to earn a living I think that would be nice.

I think I do want a full time job, I mean I applied for them so obviously I do want one. BUT I mean I think I could be very happy working as a professor. Especially if TMU hires me because I literally live a very short walk or streetcar ride away. Like I could get to that area in 15 min. Talk about walkable cities! I love my neighbourhood, all the best stuff is around it. And the dogs will be happy that my work doesn’t take me away from them for super long periods of time, except the day I do labs will take all afternoon. But the rest should be fine.

Having financial security would be so nice. I can’t even imagine what it would be like. I’ve lived with precarious income for so long. Also I would love to make enough to pay bills AND debts, because I sure am sinking into debt again right now.

I’ve been reading Lenormand the last several months because I got a deck and it’s been really interesting to learn. Anyway one day I was asking it what my therapist and I would be working on in the future and it said “transformative wealth.” I told her and we thought it was interesting. And hopeful I guess. I was expecting money a different way but this is also good. And I know when I told her I was applying for full time professor jobs and how much they paid she looked relieved. I’ve just been going in every time talking about the stress of living with poverty all these years and I know if I had a full time job it would take a lot of that stress away. Probably add new stress. BUT DIFFERENT. And at least I will have money for my therapy.

Therapy has been going awesome. I’m so relieved I finally got a therapist I connect with. The others were not the right fit.

I think I’m going to make a cherry pie tomorrow evening when I get home.