I’m writing this from a broken old laptop while my current laptop sits in the corner and feels sorry for itself for having a cracked screen. I closed it on something hard that cracked the corner. So it’s a 1300 dollar fix BUT I have AppleCare so I just have to pay 145 dollars. Which is not bad. It’s still at home because I need to back it up, and I need to get a wired mouse to arrive before I can use it with my tv and move files onto hard drives. It’s such a drag honestly. I’m just glad this older computer still works enough for the internet. If I remember correctly this laptop is not good at anything involving processing because it hates Adobe products and Unity products. Basically anything beyond web browsers and this computer heats up so much it kind of burns. And I remember (I think) that this computer had tar in it from me smoking weed around it which is why I smoke outside now.

I did start smoking weed again. Not as much though, I still mostly do edibles which are better on my body.

I’ve been having more and more spiritual experiences these last couple of years and I remember I was supposed to lead a zoom workshop and while I was getting ready I suddenly saw this patch of the room beside me go into all these geometric patterns. And I was like oh no is this a shrooms flashback? Am I having a migraine? I got super nervous and I wasn’t high on anything. So I just asked it to go away and it did? Which is not logical at all. Anyway since then I’ve wondered if there was some kind of spiritual reason for why that effect was happening in that one moment. The workshop went fine by the way.

I’ve decided I am going to try and go out in to the world more in 2026. I am introverted most of the time, but the pandemic really pushed me to isolate myself and I think to a certain degree I’m still isolating myself. I think also that whole bullying thing made me withdraw from the world too except for my obnoxious blog and social media. But it’s easy to write things into a computer that other people read, it’s hard to go stand in front of someone and find things to talk about. Plus I have ADHD so sometimes I do zone out if I’m not hyper focused. And that’s awkward.

I had an astrologer tell me that when I’m out in public I pick up on other people’s energy. So if I walk past someone who is having a shitty day, I pick up the shitty feelings they are having. And I can see what she means because I do feel that way sometimes.

I had to go to Eaton Centre today to do the Apple store, because the other apple repair place I go to takes a super long time to fix things and I am teaching in January. So yah, aww my poor computer. BUT ALSO I had to be in the Eaton Centre, so poor me! I hated it, so many people, and I am a fast walker who gets frustrated so it sucked for me. People walk slow when they are thinking of buying something, so everyone was going so slow. I don’t like crowds generally.

I’m still thinking about this podcast I want to record. I was going to interview people. I think I need a theme though. I think of so many different things though, it would be nice to do something that was open ended. Anyway, I got two more quad cables so now my older mic I was going to record podcasts with is useable. It’s nice listening to mics that are working properly, because omg that Classical FM station was bleeding into ALL of my audio recording with regular XLR cables. And I tried ferrite cores and that didn’t work and I tried going to another room but that wasn’t practical. So yeah it’s fixed, and the cables weren’t even very expensive.

But also now that I changed my voice because I’ve been on testosterone for like, three and a half years, I have a really cool radio voice. AH but also all the podcasters are doing video podcasts now and that seems like a drag. That’s just a talk show. Also I don’t want to have to get a background. Like isn’t my couch good enough? I have a cute face like nothing is wrong with it, I just want to do something easy and fun, like this blog but in audio form. I also need to do more research into how people do podcast distribution.

UGH also people are feeding things into AI and I know my voice could get stolen, which is a very cyberpunk Little Mermaid problem. I mean I guess I could still talk but someone else could make me say things I would never say. And how would I defend myself against that?

Ashley MacIssac was recently fired from doing a show on a First Nation because his AI Summary included details of a crime it said he committed because it included information from another person with his name in the summary. OMG. I hope he sues the shit out of Google. That’s just appalling, these tech companies are so cavalier about destroying lives. Like, they have literal blood on their hands beyond just defaming people. They’re investing in genocides. It’s disgusting, and yet I’m giving Apple more money to fix my sad laptop because I like Apple products. It’s a corrupt world.

I did get rid of Microsoft Office when they started putting AI into it because I don’t want my private writings to get aggregated into some database somewhere. Like my private thoughts! No don’t do it. I just think being offline more often in the new year is a good goal too. To go out into the world and meet people in real life, and to do more things off of social media.

The dogs are doing great and Christmas was fine, I ate a lot of things. I’m doing beading and playing guitar and singing these days. I was going to do some audio and video editing stuff, but my usual computer needs a new screen first. Hope the holidays are treating you all well.