I’m trying not to post too much about things I already made a statement about. I don’t really have anything to add or want to encourage more manufactured outrage towards me. I’m glad people are still reading it though because it covers most of the current situation.

I went to the GTA24 openings at Museum of Contemporary Art this week because I have two videos installed on the third floor. The openings were fun, I’m SUPER wiped out today though and I need a break. I’ve been losing sleep the last few weeks and trying to catch up on it is hard because a puppy is very similar to a baby in terms of going to bed late and waking up early and needing things. He’s exhausting but so sweet and FINALLY we are getting a handle on Todd’s biting, which has been an issue for a while. But he’s less bitey now. He’s also more social than Posey, or like, a promising kind of social because he’s a bit standoffish when he meets people but he does warm up.

I’ve got to catch up on work this next week. I’m behind on a few projects. I know one has priority because we’re trying to get it done SOON so I’m hopeful to be able to finish it next week. I also have all these meetings and so on going on.

AH work is boring ha ha why do I always end up talking about it here? It’s also especially boring when I’m like “I’m doing things I can’t tell you about.” BORING no one wants vagueness like that.

My transition is fine, I feel like things are always changing but it’s slower and more subtle now and a lot of the main changes happened so there’s not much NEW NEW stuff happening. I’m STILL waiting for my birth certificate and every time I contact Saskatchewan to find out about it they just tell me information from the website and don’t actually look up my application to see if it was processed. I have to assume it’s fine because they would have called me if something was out of order. BUT ALSO it’s a clearly transsexual birth certificate right now because they are supposed to process a gender change on it, and I don’t know I do feel kind of vulnerable about that because Saskatchewan isn’t a very progressive province. They have a form JUST for the gender change that I had to get notarized and my doctor to sign, so it SHOULD be fine. Like there’s a process for it, it’s not unheard of. But yeah I am suspicious of them anyway PLUS I need it asap so I can get a passport again because I have work in the US coming up. So frustrating.

I’ve got a job that is going to start in August so that’s really promising, it’s a year long artist in residence position. I’m looking forward to it and will give more details in the future when a certain creep isn’t so eager to contact all the orgs I work with to tell them to fire me. I did give them a heads up that someone is harassing me and might make contact with them in the future. I’ve been very upfront and proactive with all the orgs I am working with about the situation and for the most part they’ve been supportive of me except for one that didn’t wait to hear my side of things. But that org can go suck a lemon.

I’ve really gotten into these Djarum Black Bliss clove cigarettes. They don’t have tobacco in them because you can’t have flavoured tobacco in Canada, which is the only reason I’ve started smoking them again. If they were a gateway to regular tobacco again I would skip them. But they’re nice! I used to love the old school Djarum Blacks. Such a goth cigarette ha ha. OMFG OKAY please do not let this rando comment influence you to smoke tho I’ve already been called a bad role model for smoking weed. And they aren’t good for your lungs anyway.

I don’t know about being a role model at all though. I do stuff and people admire it and that’s nice. But I don’t really want people to do things just because I do them. Like, if you don’t smoke weed now please do not go buy some just because your fave people smoke it. NO to peer pressure! On the other hand I do want people to be respectful to trans 2 Spirit and Indigiqueer people. So I guess I feel that’s a good influence. Ha ha omg I never wanted to be an influencer though. Nightmare. Some festival paid me once to be an Influencer for their festival but I felt kind of silly. It’s not like I have a huge huge following anyway. Maybe it made someone buy ONE ticket ha ha I dunno.

Posey is doing ok with Todd, but every time I try to cuddle her he wants to get involved, which makes me sad. He usually starts wrestling with her. But she and I used to cuddle so much before Todd arrived and she would actually come over and stand on my chest to get hugs and now she doesn’t do that. I think Todd will calm down and not bother her as he grows older. But Posey’s heart murmur is quite serious and she might not have more than 15 months left, which is REALLY sad and something I didn’t find out until after I got Todd. She’s only 10, and Little Mister lived to be 16 but he was in pretty good health up until maybe 2 or 3 years before his death. And I do love Posey a lot, she’s been my crabby rock. There are temperament things about her that were difficult though, or are difficult, and I know it will be easier with Todd on his own to be a dog I can actually bring with me a lot of places. Because Posey’s always been so crabby with strangers and other dogs.

I’m happy that they get along, that was a longstanding fear of mine about introducing another dog to the house. But Posey does deserve some love and dignity in her last days and I’m so worried I can’t provide that with a very demanding puppy around. I’m not going to get rid of either of them though, they’re both important and loved by me. But I have to figure out how to give both of them the best life together and meet both of their needs.

When I got Posey, Little Mister was seven years old. So technically a senior but really he still had almost half his whole life left to live. And he had a good life. Even when he was a senior with health issues he had a good life. But Posey is exactly ten years older than Todd and it’s a big difference. I wasn’t ready for a new dog until this year, but I almost wonder if I should have gotten a puppy a while ago when Posey was in better health.

ANYWAY I am going to a movie later, and hopefully the gym although there was a storm here and I’m reluctant to go out in all that snow. It’s probably mostly cleared though. I haven’t had time to go to the gym this week except for Boxing class on Sundays. And that’s a very intense 2 hour class, BUT weightlifting at the gym is so nice! Listening to tunes, trying to impress myself by lifting more than before. Looking at all the cute guys. And I’ve been going for long enough to be a regular but I’ve missed so many days and it’s bumming me out!