It’s late so we’ll see how far I get writing this post.

Well it’s been the second week of working out three times a week, I suppose really it’s the start of the third week working out three times a week. My muscles are already returning from their year of exile while I was a traveling academic. I can shoulder press 45lbs! When I started working out in 2023 I could barely do 10lbs shoulder press. So it’s a big change! I can feel nice muscles in my shoulders too, and my biceps are getting a nice curve to them. I’m glad I didn’t have to start from the bottom again, it didn’t take too long to get back to where I was when I quit.

I am continuing singing lessons. I am also starting to sing along to songs more just in my regular life. There’s also the songs I sing to the dogs which are very silly and generally have lyrics based on my pups. Todd loves being sung to. This morning he and I watched Breaking Down by Florence and the Machine at the Royal Albert Hall which is Todd’s all time favourite song. I love that he has a favourite song, Posey never really got emotional to songs. But Todd is a sweet little music lover.

Here’s his song!

I’m thinking of what I want to learn besides Yesterday by the Beatles. I’m not sure, Yesterday was good because it had a melody, but a lot of the other songs I like are practically monotone which is not really helpful.

Stupid Girl by Garbage is also fun. But it would be nice to learn a love song.

I think I want to fall in love so I can write a love song and play it for someone. I just think that would be a nice experience.

I’ve learned that singing can make me cry, so I’m dealing with that. It’s helpful though because my testosterone makes crying decidedly difficult. But something about singing cracks my heart open. BUT it is difficult because then I have a hard time singing. So I want to be able to sing something and NOT cry, but I also value the fact that it opens that channel for me. I really rarely do cry otherwise. Anyway yeah.

I found out today that an old bestie died back in June, Stephanie Llewellyn. I knew her in Vancouver and we spent a lot of time together over the years and then drifted apart. I feel bad I didn’t know she died until today. We were super close for a long time. I guess that happens, the drifting apart. I never thought she was a terrible person though, we just didn’t connect the same way. Oh well. She was only 56, so young! I suppose at some point I will have to do something with my grief, right now it’s a confused little ball, also connected in some ways to the death of my friend Jes earlier this summer who I was getting closer to.

People have finite times on this earth and sometimes I forget that. I haven’t cried over Stef yet, but maybe if I pick a song to sing to myself I can cry. I don’t know a Stef appropriate song to cry about her with. I’m sure it will hit me though.

The table read went great on Friday. I have to do a shot list. I am having a meeting in the morning for my residency at U of T this fall. I think they’re just going over what my resources are etc. I didn’t get a call back from the university I submitted applications to to teach. Which is fine, but it would have helped.

I’m not really interested in a FOREVER job. But I did write down all my skills on a file so I could see what I could get jobs doing. Editing is one big skill, but I was offered a job for a bit and couldn’t take it right now because I’m gearing up for my short film shoot. BUT maybe after that is in the can I can look for some other gigs. I came out with about 14 different skills, most of them media related but when I put down EVERYTHING I also had performing, beginner guitar, acting, and singing. Although the singing is very very very beginner and I wouldn’t do it for work yet. The acting is more developed than I think people know which is kind of cool. But I haven’t acted in many other people’s films. Still, I have been cast in a feature that might shoot someday.

I’m doing other things. I saw some friends today from Berlin which was nice, we got caught up. I haven’t seen Berlin friends in a while!

I don’t know, what else? I practiced guitar today and was doing spider walks a lot which I need to do more because it was really helping with my speed. I also practiced a few scales.

There’s these books on chord progressions I am curious about, but when I went to buy them they were recommended by Jesus type singers and I was like oh no! Christian Chord Progressions. I am sure they are fine, I’m just suspicious.