Checks and balances

You know, it is nice when you can find someone on your level to tussle with. I mean who would want someone who couldn’t best them? It’s so much fun. I can’t believe I actually found someone who can argue this well. I was worried I never would. Anyway, yeah, that’s how power is supposed to work, it’s funny. I’m probably going to wrestle around for like, a while, but I think that’s what we’re supposed to do. No one is supposed to get all violent yet, you’re just supposed to figure out where to go from here. And thank god I have someone to remind me of that. So you know, carry on. This is a process, we’re all pretty safe.

Switching

Freaking hell, uh, I guess I am the dominant in this situation. Well, that was interesting. I haven’t switched like that in ages and ages. It’s kind of fun. Maybe being a dominant will be good for me. At least then I can be more communicative. Hopefully. This will be interesting. It’s good to get out of submissive headspace if you’ve been in it too long. I don’t want to end up with bottom’s disease!!!

Bad tops man, they need to communicate better. Honestly, don’t get worried yet, people are still playing.

What it feels like

I haven’t said too much about what this process involves, but maybe I should in case people start feeling it.

I’ll just talk about the recent stuff. When I started being able to really see stuff as it is, my eyes went totally weird for at least three days. I was hiding in the basement so that my mom wouldn’t see and take me to the doctor, because the doctor would have no clue. Anyway, my eyes felt like they were on fire, they just BURNED! And not only that, they were spewing water constantly, it just never ended. And sometimes it would calm down but it would flare up again. I started calling a friend in Vancouver about it and said “I can see the rainforest in my eyes!” Because I could, I could see this vast green space of trees that just ran along my eyes. I think she said something like “Yeah, that’s a good story.” And I’m just like “No, I’m fucking serious!”

And then when my crown chakra started opening a whole bunch of programs I didn’t know I had cracked right open, just gone. I’ve never honestly broken through my omega program before. I know people thought I might commit suicide, but I don’t know, one day it all suddenly unfolded, after I talked to someone actually about what I saw. And then the stagnant water smell came out of my sweat because I started going into die offs. And the sweat started smelling like urine for at least 24 hours, I just reeked up the whole house. The eighth chakra is opening now too, and it’s the last one that has any human stuff in it, so I’m just watching all of this baggage get chucked out insanely. And I also remember that my sweetheart and I both did clear our old karma when we died the last time. Really, we could be having all kinds of memories but we actually only have karma from this one lifetime bothering us. And I think we’ve been working through that.

I’ve never had to learn about more than the seventh chakra, but there really are twelve chakras all together and they start showing up in funny places. And there’s also a bit of a trap on the way, because there is a point where it feels like you have that kind of 12th chakra ability, but mostly you can’t use it because you’re still tied down to a bunch of things. A lot of spiritual seekers tend to stop here, but in Buddhism they say to not be decieved by the cloudy light of hell. So yeah, there is a pretend heaven that you have to be looking out for, because some people just quit there, especially when they start walking through two worlds at once. That’s a weird transition period, it’s pretty scary actually, unless you have faith. Especially if you’ve been facing demons for like four years! I don’t know though, four years of the spiritual equivalent of waving a broom around to keep things away, that does end up training you in a funny way. I mean, it’s horrible, they like to play all kinds of mind games mostly. But it did make me learn how to draw down white light anytime I needed to.

I told some things to come back later, I mean, they are around but I knew I couldn’t talk to them yet, and I know they respected it, which was good. I’d hear them standing outside my door talking to each other, women’s voices mostly. Some male voices. Talking about me, but that was okay. And I can’t wear a watch at all anymore, I keep killing them over and over. It doesn’t matter how many times I change the battery, they will not work at all, the magnetic energy keeps jamming them. And sometimes if I’m with certain people street lights start turning off.

I know some people tried to follow me around to intimidate me, but I think I had scary eyes that day because I knew exactly what they were doing and just turned and smirked at them and they drove off in a panic. They were sort of malevolent people, I mean they had a ridiculously high tech car, I have never seen so many instrument panels in a car. And they were so ridiculously transparent.

The thing is the energy keeps running up and down because now it’s clearing old stuff that was left in my body, and that looks intense too. Sometimes I start spasming and jerking up and down uncontrollably, like a seizure but not, I can feel this crazy power running up and down my spine. And I do see old things get thrown out from my root on up, it’s wild. I’m trying to avoid being trapped in one feeling forever, although the in love feeling was like a whole day of just laying around going “Woah!” I couldn’t really move much when that started. The sex part really is intense, but that can become a trap too. Not to say you shouldn’t have sex, just that there’s this point where you might be tempted to just have sex and that is it. I mean, so many pitfalls! It’s crazy. There’s another pitfall right now of being too tied in with the news that is being reported, because NOW the really scary news starts coming out, and it can trap people in a kind of blood lust. I get it, I know why. But it’s a trap too, although it is useful in that finally citizens aren’t going to take it anymore. I would hate to be someone in any kind of power structure right now, because it’s a really vulnerable place to be in, I mean if you have secrets they are coming out whether you tell them or not, even if that secret is being used against you. So that is weird. People are being judged right now on how they deal with this, and not just by me, by EVERYONE. Judgment was never a one person thing, it has always belonged to the people.

Anyway, yes, there you have it, that’s what’s been going on. I’m walking at least two hours a day now, my feet are not used to it which is hard, but it’s going okay. I’m noticing people start to see me, I mean, the real me, and that’s interesting because some people are terrified and then some are just so relieved. It’s the ones who are relieved that make me happy. And there was a little kid the other day who gave me this great smile, like he totally knew what was up. That’s the thing, spiritually it’s also delocal, so even people NOT online are feeling something. There are a number of knots that can be so painful they can drive people to suicide, I mean seriously, if you feel suicidal you have to hang on and have faith, because the suicide thing isn’t working anymore. It’s an old feeling of needing to sacrifice yourself for the greater good. We need you here.

Anyway, my dad is coming in today, which is good, because I had no idea how to start talking to him. I know he hates it when I call him dad though, so I guess I will call him Edward because that is more comfortable for him.

Full of Grease!

I spent all evening at my Aunt Beth’s ordination into the Anglican Church. Next she becomes a priest. It was pretty interesting, all kinds of stuff about her being called to serve the Lord and that, we all got sprinkled with holy water, did communion, sang a bunch of hymns. That makes three ordained ministers in the family now. When my Grampa went to school Indians were only allowed to be nurses or ministers, so that’s what he did. He’s finished translating the entire Bible into Plains Cree. We were going to give him some other religious text just to keep him busy, but I think he’s done. He’s always getting me to reinstall his Cree fonts. For the love of God, someone make Cree syllabics in a Mac compatible font! I cannot install HelviCree at all, it doesn’t work.

It was nice being around all the churchy folk, they seemed upbeat and calm. And Aunt Beth finally got to put on her clerical collar, which was cool. I got to see all my cousins and that. Poor miss Spenny got freaked out by aliens at Christmas this past year and refused to let her sister unplug the Christmas tree lights. I don’t know why she thought that would keep away aliens. Like, what, is she going to walk around with a fully lit Christmas tree at all times? I understand the impulse though. And my cuz D is coming back to town soon, which is nice, I miss her. She’s ridiculously funny AND sincere and open minded, which are nice things. She makes me laugh. One time we were on drugs and she sat in front of a door for two hours saying “This is better than the Galaxy!” The Galaxy is Saskatoon’s cineplex. And then she told a lampshade to fuck off. I mean, too cute! Nah, she’s cool, she’s had all kinds of interesting adventures.

Once in Preston’s house when he had all those poltergeists her shoe ended up at the bottom of the stairs and we were so terrified something had come along with it that we smudged her shoe when we got home. Yes, we smudged a shoe! I mean, you can’t be too careful these days.

And I still have nothing to wear to Cindy and Megan’s wedding, and it’s so soon! Crap. Anyway, this was kind of a silly post, but that’s what I was up to tonight.

Hello all. I’ve decided to stay anonymous for now, perhaps in the future I will say who I am. I am female and going to university. Presently I live with my boyfriend and my sweet, sweet kitty. I am friendly, shy, interesting and one hilarious chick. I love music, love art and love long conversations. I’m an open-minded paranerd (paranormal nerd) who collects rocks, loves youtube and my guilty pleasure is that my favourite show is America’s Next Top Model.

First of all let me say that through out my whole life I have experienced things with the paranormal and spiritual almost constantly. Ever since I remember actually, it’s so much a part of my life. It can be challenging sometimes meeting new people mostly because I know some scary things. It’s such a big part of my life and I know that stories will leak here and there and I don’t want to frighten people or maybe even worse yet, sound like I’m in for attention or sound preachy even. So I guess this makes a perfect outlet for such things. Thirza I think this a brilliant idea to have a pannel of peeps to discuss these kinds of things. Not even paranormal but anything in regard to making the world a better place.

I totally have noticed an increase in the paranormal. Some good, some not so good. I’m especially worried about my younger sister. She has seen what the Cree call “little people” for as long as she can remember. Recently she told me she had seen a group of about 3 or 4 scurry by her when she was in the driveway. My parents live on an acreage and my dad keeps a sweatlodge so usually, there is a flurry of spirits moving throughout our property at any given time. Except for maybe a couple occations, interaction with spirits there are of course mysterious, but for the most part good. Going by what my sister tells me, lately, we’re not too sure. My sister is almost 16 and has been sleeping with my mom (dad has been sleeping on the couch) because she is too scared to sleep on her own. I used to have a hard time sleeping at my parents. Nights can be scary sometimes. Anyway, once about maybe six months ago she was almost alseep on the couch in the living room (spiders in her room) facing the wall. As she was just about to fall alseep she heard a woman with a hoarse voice whisper loudly- “Is she asleep yet?”. I don’t know when exactly but she was just about to fall asleep in her room, again, facing the wall. She was in a state where she was very almost asleep but knew of her physical surroundings. She sensed a presence behind her, she immediately didn’t like it and her body stiffened up completely to the point where she was powerless to move at all. She had said that all she wanted to do was scream for mom and dad but she couldn’t make her mouth project any sort of sound. The presence finally left after she had been screaming in her mind- “Fuck off!!! Fucking LEAVE ME ALONE you piece of shit!”. My poor sister, jeez. Another thing that happened recently was that she was sleeping with my mom and outside the room she heard a growling sound, woke my mom up and yelled for my dad to come and turn on the light and tell this thing to go away. He smudged the room and she said she had still heard a growl in the closet. My parents heard nothing.

Now, my sister has an extremely active imagination. Perhaps the prescence that was behind her in her room was actually just a random spirit without harmful intentions for my sister. This could be very true. Her fear of the fact that she knew something was behind her could have caused her mind to spin and yada yada. I’m not sure. I’m positive there are spirits in the house but not sure whether or not there have been some meaning to scare her or worse yet, harm her. It wouldn’t be the first time. My dad, being a man of good medicine naturally has enemies who work with bad medicine. Often bad magic is done to harm my family. Through some tough lessons my dad had consulted with friends within the shamanistic community about ways in which we could protect ourselves. I have to admit though, he’s sometimes spiritually lazy and isn’t responsible about making it habit to do these things leaving loopholes in the system. Ultimately, if anything does come through it effects either me or my sisters. Thanks dad. Well, I don’t live there anymore and neither does my other sister, leaving just the youngest sister. So, bad medicine could be a possible culprit for my sis being harassed by spirits. I just hope nothing ….”bad” is going on.

Something else that furthers my worry is my sister’s health. Lately she has been so sick I’ve been questioning whether or not she has one of these new super flus, like polio the second er something. I’ve heard in the near future we will be experiencing a new wave of pandemics and the return of old diseases. But yeah, she had missed two weeks straight of school, has had a chest infection, pnemonia, sudden sharp pains travelling through her neck, shoulders and back as well as two more things which would be embarrasing for her to me to mention, anonymous or not. One of them is so so, pretty common and the other we have NO idea how she got it and it’s disturbing. It has just lately seemed to be one thing after another with her. Man, bad spirits better back off my sis if they are the ones doing this. I’m not sure. I’m not positive on anything except that I believe her in regards to these experiences. She has even been questioning her sanity lately. Keep in mind, she’s a very vibrant, dramatic kid. Also keep in mind that she is deeply gifted and regularly experiences stuff with the spirit/paranormal.

On a side note, when I lived with my parents I got into the habit of falling asleep facing the room. That way, I didn’t feel as vulnerable and if some entity wanted to creep up behind me I could hopefully catch it first. I just became habit after a while. There is more to the younger sister story but this has been kinda draining to tell. Yesterday I had talked to my boyfriend about it, a friend later that night, and then today in my journal. Gawd.

In closing I’d like to thank Thirza for graciously inviting me to join her blog. Word up homie. Hahaha. Now… I need to do something silly to relieve the tensions of the day. Yay! I don’t have class tomorrow until 12:30, I think I’m gonna rent a movie. 😀

Luv n lite,
GypsyCree

Democratic Process

It’s easy for me to just sit around saying how we should all listen to each other without putting my money where my mouth is, although I have no money. So I have opened the floor of this blog to twelve other people who I know, to write about how to change the world or things they have noticed or whatever. I will let them introduce themselves if they choose to. I don’t know how many will take me up on the offer, but I am terribly curious and I do need a break. I’ll still write, but I am so tired of being the only one here. So here they are, whatever they say I’m sure will be important because they all have interesting stories behind themselves. They can fill in the gaps that I have missed.

Rewrites

There’s this rewritten history okay. Like people assume that the Jews didn’t know that they were going to be gassed, like they just wandered into a shower room. They always knew. They knew what was happening to them. But they didn’t know how to stop it. Do you know what they did on their way to the gas chambers? They would start saying their prayer for their Messiah. All the way on the long walk they would sing that prayer. And they tore up all the money they had with them on the way so that it wouldn’t fall into the hands of the Nazis. All the way, tearing up their bills and calling for their Messiah.

Your messiahs have never left you, they have always been there going through the exact same thing. You just didn’t notice. And there isn’t just two, there are thousands of them right now, all wondering how the hell to stop it. They don’t tell you who they are because they know what happens to prophets in this day and age.

Once I had a dream I stole Paul Bernardo’s car. And I was driving around in this black Lexus and suddenly I was like “Fuck! Of all the cars to steal! He’s going to kill me.” And who knows, maybe he will, but what a way to go!

I know I seem disappointed in a lot of people, but really I do get it, I know how this whole thing works. And I don’t see anything wrong with power structures as long as people know what is up with them and how they can work properly. Otherwise you do end up with bizarre shit happening. I mean the walking dead and aliens! That is just outre. But whatever works man.

Life is beautiful okay, it is a stunningly gorgeous thing. And love is always beautiful, no matter who it is between. We’re all different, but that’s a cool thing, who would want us to be all exactly the same? That’s far too difficult. And people always make mistakes because people are faillable, that’s just part of the human condition.

And your children, pretty much all of them are gifted right now, which is why they’re acting all funny. I mean, they are here to heal their parents, that’s intense! And they keep being given all these drugs to stop acting oddly and people keep talking about what is age appropriate and you just don’t know anymore. Some of these kids are so ancient, you would not believe it.

How embarrassing

You know, I really was just making a movie. I had no idea all this would happen when I started. You have to admit though, it is a good ending. I hope you people are okay. I really didn’t know I left the war machine on while I was medicated, I mean I did remember I had lost internet contact for half a year or so due to poverty. But I had no way of getting back in touch in any regular sort of way so I ended up doing weird things. Anyway, yes, psychiatry works because it does destroy brains, which I guess is what the point was. So there you go.

But you can also recover from that, it’s just odd, and also sometimes people don’t allow other people to leave it behind, I mean a LOT of coercion and force is used in keeping people on pills.

You know how people get nervous when someone starts pacing, and how people pathologize that? Do you know, after working in two law offices I can tell you that when lawyers start thinking they pace. It’s true, they pace all the way around their offices over and over and over talking into little machines for HOURS. It’s just how people use their thought process sometimes. You can’t MAKE someone sit and stop fidgeting, because sometimes moving around is how they learn or think, which is why so many kids are on ritalin. But they need to move around.

I have a best friend who has been teaching inner city kids and she’s got some amazing insights into how to change learning environments for them. She’s a goof so the kids really like her, but she doesn’t take bullying at all. She is such an amazing elementary school teacher, she goes above and beyond the call of duty, to the point of visiting parents. And one thing she’s noticed about kids who need to move all the time is that if you let them chew gum in class it stops them from getting all wiggly. I should actually get her to start blogging, because she has some revolutionary ideas about how to reach kids these days, especially inner city kids. And she’s trying to think of ways to talk about spirituality in a completely non-denominational way. She likes Born Again church stuff, but she’s never pushed it on anyone else, and I mean yeah, if that’s what she likes the best I mean that’s her preference.

That’s the thing, I can only talk about some specific things in depth and kind of a generalized knowledge of the world, but I am perfectly willing to see other people grab the steering wheel and talk about things they’ve noticed specifically that could be better. Mostly I’m talking from the oppressed point of view because that’s what I’m most familiar with, but I’m not always some oppressed person. I’m actually a switch.

It’s funny, I was talking with cutie about stuff and she was like “Everyone seems to do what I say, why is that?” And I said “Maybe they are all submissives.” And she said “No, they can’t ALL be submissives!” I dunno. I do know we went on a date once where the waiter got all crazy about her and started bothering us every five minutes just to talk to her, and we were having an interesting conversation about mushrooms, and we were getting annoyed. And he kept paying all kinds of attention to her and ignoring me and then he asked her to rate the dinner on a scale of one to ten and she just snapped “I would give it a six!” It was so funny. And he was appalled and wandered away and then she said “No, I’m wrong, actually I would give it a five.” And I thought, yeah, it was about a five. She makes me laugh.

I think that’s the most frustrating thing about being a butch who dates high femmes, is that often guys totally don’t get that there’s a relationship going on. I dunno, maybe guys are just dumb like that. Who can really say? If it’s irritating to me I can’t imagine how irritating it must be to them to be involved with someone and always deflecting advances from clueless males. Probably ditto for gay men, I can’t imagine what it must be like to have to deal with your partner always being seen as heterosexual. Or worse, what happens when you start living a lie and then realize you’ve fucked up?

After high school she joined the army and I went to art school. I didn’t want her to join the army, it made me all fuss and bother and probably annoyed her, but really I just didn’t want to see her get hurt in combat. And she left the army in the end, so whatever. But maybe we just went where we had to go. She learned discipline and I learned to be fantastical and ridiculous. I think both are useful. First year at art school was great, because we learned world history through art. And I passed notes in class all the time to my friend Margaret. I remember there was one Mapplethorpe picture that the professor kept saying “What does this look like?” and all the first years were ridiculously shy. Afterwards I told this friend of mine “It looked like an ejaculation.” And he said “That’s what I thought too!” Colour theory was boring though, oh man. Some of the agit-prop art of the 80’s was amazing, because it was all about the AIDS pandemic and trying to get people to take it seriously, which was hard because back then it was mainly gay men getting sick and no one really thought about them being useful to society, so sad. Gay men are all over the place man, they give life fabulousness. It’s true they can be rude and bitchy, but at least they are honest.

My favorite boy in first year was Pat Mills, he made his rollerskates into disco balls and did a light show with them. Then he went off to Ryerson to do the film program there and I lost him. Aw. He’s around though, he was working for the TIFF for a while. I think that’s the weirdest thing about assumptions of queer girls, that we must hate men. Not at all. I think they’re pretty sweet, some of them. Quite a lot really, it’s just there’s that weird manhood thing in this culture. I don’t know, people often feel they have to prove their gender, why is that? What’s to prove?

My sister has been staying up late watching horror movies apparently. The last one she watched was Carrie. I’m just thinking, crap, we do not need her to learn how to set things on fire with her mind. She did set the armchair on fire once when we were kids, that was the last time she ever set a fire. I set the coffee table on fire, so we’re even. She’s changed a lot since we were kids, that’s for sure, she matured. She made me watch Drop Dead Fred and Flower Drum Song over and over and over.

By the way, I do not think people should set fires in their home, that’s obviously not very safe. Unless you have a fireplace and the flue isn’t congested.

One thing that drives me crazy about actors is for some reason a lot of them don’t know when to stop! Honestly, you people are actors, you don’t have to be on all the time. You can have a regular life. I think it’s because for some reason we’re okay with high profile actors ALWAYS being under surveillance, and it never occurs to the general public how traumatizing that could be to someone. Who cares if Britney was seen picking her nose at White Castle? Honestly, they are more interesting than just what they wear. I mean, they can pretend to be ANYBODY, don’t you think that’s a curious process? How do they do it? But there is such a stranglehold on Hollywood, I mean really, the censorship there is phenomenal. And it’s too bad.

In the “Golden Age” of Hollywood screenwriting they tried to bring in professional writers, like literary figures, and they never liked what they came up with. The creative process in Hollywood back then was like some producer running in to where the writers hung out and saying “I have an idea for a film, it is called ‘Where Is My Shoe’ and it stars Greta Garbo. We start shooting on Monday.” I mean, what the hell? How can you work a creative process with that kind of inanity? And so many stars were majorly fucked over back then, because Freudian concepts were used a LOT in filmmaking. So basically actors were pathologized from the get go and put on pills and got all weird. Look at Judy Garland! She is a tragic figure.

It’s so funny, I mean, people idolize them and yet judge them according to impossible standards. And they’re artists! They’re supposed to be weird. And they are fun weird, if you really know them. And they get pushed really hard in their work, I mean the hours on set are insane, and it is so intensive, you have to live that character for six weeks or so and at the same time deal with power trippers who don’t understand how fragile that process is. No wonder they flip out. I’ve seen directors do terrible things to their actors because they just aren’t being compassionate enough. Which is why I tried to be the only actor in my films for so long, because I didn’t want to push someone through something I didn’t understand myself. And it was good because I learned when stuff was way too much. But obviously I put myself under surveillance and this happened.

It’s about learning how power works, you can’t ever be domineering without understanding what it’s like to submit to that, otherwise you do mean things without noticing. Especially for actors who are using life experiences, you can’t just make them do it over and over because you’re getting off on it, you have to check in on them. Personally, I think actors should be allowed to yell cut too. Otherwise I have no idea when they are going way over their heads, and they do sometimes because they don’t know when they’re allowed to stop.