To All My Fans

*** From Mirha-Soleil Ross***
To my fans everywhere,

Last evening was a special one. I had been wanting to jump on the scale for the last two weeks ‘cause I thought I had lost 10-20 pounds over the last month… Well, I actually gained another 10… I’m now 180 pounds, that’s at least 50 more pounds than last time any of you would have seen me in person. My huge mother has been slowly loosing weight over the last year and our bond is so powerful that every single pound she loses, I, mirha-soleil, la chair de sa chair, I gain… I’ve never seen her excited like that before, melting away, and singing that her magic’s operating, that her work is finally taking shape and mirroring her own image.

I must have an unusual psychiatric disorder ‘cause when I look at myself in the mirror, I see an emaciated, blême, sick-looking woman. Imagine the shock when I saw these pictures mon beau Karbou took of me last night… Well since he’s enjoying like never before the buffet à volonté, I concluded I made everyone happy and so decided to share a little of that happiness with all of you, my dedicated fans. The following shots offer even more glamour, more visual pleasure than before. Little Seamus, however, was not that amused. He says there’s nothing left to eat in the house, that it’s my fault, k’shu-saf, pis k’my fat ass ain’t something I should expect him to party about. I failed to get the slightest smile out of him. Ce sera pour la prochaine fois… ‘Til then, je pense à vous, avec une émotion… déscombobulante. Ricallez-vous l’adage de cette sage vieille naine, Madame Rose Ouellette La Poune…

« J’aim’mon’publik’passk’mon’publik’m’aim’… »

Ces mots d’amour, je les emprunte, ce soir, à Mam’-la-Poune, afin de vous les dédier, avec, encore une fois, toute la passion et la sincérité auxquelles je vous ai habituées.

C’mon Seamus, try a little harder…

Make your beautiful mommy happy by shooting them a big large smile…

Dans de telles circonstances, il faut garder la tête haute, et, surtout, rester digne !

En s’étirant à la verticale, on peut créer une parfaite illusion

de minceur, de beauté… L’élégance incarnée…

« No they won’t take away my DIGNEETEEEEEEEEEEEEE… because I stretch myself vertically like an old gomme baloune! »

Plus femme que ça tu meurs!

… s’cuze my French, mais ton flash y flash en tabarnak !

Si c’-tu voulas, c’tas m’pêter in pêtard en pleine face, t-r’as-dû me’l’dire, m’chra’amné une paire de shade !

Stay tuned for the NEXT INSTALLATION:

Le régime miracle aux p’tites cârottes de jardin


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