My Weird Name

Once in the years I went religiously to the dyke bar, we met this woman who was a hardcore regular. Kind of a white shirt blue jeans gal, I saw her wandering on the street once after the bar shut down and went all straight, she seemed so aimless. Anyway, when she found out my name she went all bizarre.
“What a fucked up name! Thirza Cuthand, that’s so fucked up!”
Um, thanks. Whatever. Ever since I was a little kid I’ve been having to say “My name’s Thirza, T-H-I-R-Z-A.” And when teachers got my name wrong the whole class would say “It’s Thirza.”
There is a friend of a friend who always calls me Ursula. I don’t know how many times I’ve corrected him, it’s like his brain can’t compute Thirza. It comes out Ursula.
Once in high school I was calling this girl and her sister answered. When she asked what my name was and I told her she flipped out on me.
“Nobody’s called Thirza! What is your name! Really, TELL ME WHAT YOUR NAME IS!” I had to hang up on her.
There are Thirza’s out there, I know for a fact I am not the only one.
My sister got the simple name. Sky. I mean, three letters, one syllable, and she even gets a cool y. We used to call her S-K-Y. I asked my mom how to spell it once. “S-K-Y.” She said. I was all “Nooooo, how do you spell it?” I guess I was looking for EssKayWhy or something. Considering Sky doesn’t talk, it’s just as well she got the simple name. I mean, lord knows what would have happened to her if she’d been Thirza. It’s a name that involves a lot of correcting people.
Cuthand scares people too. For one thing it sounds like something violent has happened to your hands. It’s actually a mistranslation of Frozen Fingers. I’m kind of glad I didn’t get saddled with a name like Frozen Fingers, because it would probably make girls not want me to touch them.
“Your fingers are icy Thursa.”

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