I choose today to blame it all on my Saturn Return

I only clean when people visit me. How strange. Like, I can live in a sty, but visiting folk cannot. Anyway, there’s not really much to tell about my life. Or maybe, there is stuff to tell and I just don’t wanna. I think it’s my Saturn return. It’s kind of interesting anyway, to me, not necessarily other folk. I feel poised to make massive changes in my life. I don’t know that they would be changes anyone would notice though, except for me.

Since going a little loco at the end of last semester, I’ve been on an anti-depressant and my mood stabilizer and my anti-psychotic, and I haven’t been terribly depressed since. I’ve felt way more hopeful about life. This whole unemployed thing is a freakin’ nightmare, but I know somehow I’ll end up in the right job.

******************living kitchens*******************************
My fridge breathes. It’s true, ask Lynn. Every few hours it lets out a great sigh.

Lynn (my neighbor) has dirty dishes. Once I was visiting her and I heard moans and creaking bed noises and it was coming from her kitchen sink! We just call them the dirty dirty dishes.

I haven’t cried in a very long time though, and that unsettles me. It’s like, crying is a focused expression of emotion, it’s kind of a religious experience really. And it’s healing. And I just haven’t cried about anything in a long time, whereas before I could cry at the drop of a hat. I don’t know which is worse. I miss crying.

That all being said, please don’t go out of your way to make me cry. That would annoy me.

I finally have a happy dream to tell you about. My mentally handicapped sister had her 30th birthday party and I missed it, which was sad. But I dreamt that I was there, and the whole family was there, all dressed up. And somehow my sister had connections with the millitary, so they flew in fighter jets across the sky and dropped all these little toys, like swimming noodles and those punch balloons. And my job was to go gather up all these little toys for her.

So I think when I have some money, I’m going to go down to the toy store and buy her a bunch of goofy toys she would like. And marshmallows, because she loves marshmallows. All kinds. There’s this really yummy kind she likes that has toasted coconut on it.

One thought on “

  1. i been crying lots lately, mostly over old crap like my mean mom and how I feel like she doan love me. I wish I would just get over it already…

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