In the hands of God
It’s been a couple of years since I went crazy. I think I always believed in God, as I understood It to be. Not the God of bible thumping hellfire and damnation, but a loving God, a Just God. After going crazy, I am convinced there is such a being.
That’s the part of going crazy that no one understood, or even acknowledged. For myself, going crazy wasn’t some major self destructive thing (although yes, it did damage relationships and so forth), but rather it was like a very intense Spiritual boot camp. Going crazy lets you touch God, and that scares people. Suddenly the mysteries in the universe click into place and everything makes sense. I finally understood that I was God.
See, and that is exactly where people get pissed off at me, because it’s an audacious thing to say and then they assume that it means you think you are the One and Only God. Which isn’t true at all. What I really mean when I say I am God is that we all are. That’s the whole point of us being on this earth. We all split off into seperate souls so that we could learn, grow, and eventually go back to being God. We are all the same person.
It’s a startling revelation, and one that is bound to look “crazy.”
Going crazy was the most spiritually enlightening event of my life. It gave me wisdom in a way I never would have gotten from sitting in church every Sunday. And it was also undervalued and unappreciated. No one expects you to walk out of the fires of psychosis with deep understanding of spiritual tenets, when the reality is that many of us do. We just don’t talk about what we’ve seen because people get nervous.
Once we were seers, we were valued for our visions. Now, we are just subhumans, scary and dangerous and objects of scorn. And yet, the so called Mentally Ill have for eons been bringing religious and spiritual insights to the world. What do we do now when anything we say is subject to “time to up your meds” or “you’re happy, I think you’re manic” or “have you told your doctor about this?”
I believe Crazy people have a lot to offer society, more than some understand. It would be wise for more spiritual councelling to go on in psych wards, where someone can talk about what they went through. It’s not always the prettiest experience, sometimes it’s downright terrifying, but there is some truth within the maelstrom of insanity, and those truths should be honoured.