In case you didn’t notice, I’ve been off medication totally for almost a week. I was a bit worried I would flip out, and watching my thinking process start up again, and my emotions return, was a little freaky. I haven’t known myself for four years, and so I really don’t even remember what it’s like to be me. Not to mention a lot of my existential depression has been resolved and I’m slowly but surely creeping into Secondary Integration, which is such a relief because I don’t feel so tortured.

I think I also found a lovely seed of an idea to explain “sane” and “insane” dichotomies, and it’s a lovely thought to chew on. It’s using the principles of wave-particle duality in quantum mechanics. Things change when they are observed, a photon is a wave, but when observed it is a particle. So let’s say everyone is mainly seeing particles, but for whatever reason when YOU see it, it is a wave. And then you say “That is a wave” and people get upset and say “Absolutely not! It is a particle, that is as clear as the nose on my face!” Then there’s a big argument of course, and the people who see particles try to reform the person who sees waves, but in reality BOTH of those things can be true at the same time. I’m really liking this idea, because it means no one is wrong, except they don’t understand each other. I’m going to have to go in this direction somewhat more.

I’m also expanding on this Oneness/God idea. Someone on a board said they didn’t think we were all the same person but we are part of a whole, and I just got it. Let’s say you are a finger and you are part of the same person as a toe, that doesn’t mean you are a toe and that doesn’t mean the toe is a finger. But it does mean that if the fingers decide to attack the toes for not being fingers then something really goofy is going on. But if you can’t see in that holistic view, then you will always think those two things are completely seperate entities.

But mostly, I’m kind of glad to be over playing with ideas to such a high degree, I think because I solved some problems that were bothering me. I will expand on them more later, but now the fact that I was awake more than asleep is catching up, and so I am sleepy. But not crashing, just a content sleepiness, like my brain did a job well done and can now have a playful and light weekend. Whew!

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