Being Sarain

It’s been odd this summer, to come out in such a public way. And yet I kind of think all trans coming outs must be sort of like this, if you are lucky enough to live among queer people already. The manic episode did nothing but fuel my confusion, only to see the whisps of madness fade away until I realized, yes, I am a man, and needing to do something about it as soon as possible.

Unfortunately the referral to the hormones doctor is rumoured to take up to six months. The recovery time from this episode could take another few months. And the saddest news of all, my new apartment won’t be ready for me to move in until October or November. Which means I’ll be living in this care home for another two and a half months at least. Ai ai ai!

I’ve grown comfortable though with the pronouns, the he him his stuff. I’m still using my packer and still feeling okay with it, although I still want to upgrade to a silicone softy one. My dog still loves me and that is good.

Actually a lot of people are really supportive of me right now and that is really nice. I’ve been finding some old friends on Facebook and then basically people I haven’t seen but know. Right now I’m up to 139 friends, which is a big relief because sometimes I forget I have friends.

One of my best friends is sick right now and her auntie just died. I wanted to go visit but I would have to take public transport and I only have two bus tickets left. I’m planning to use them to go get my discounted bus and leisure pass. It’s been a weird summer.

The doctors and nurses keep harping on marijuana being bad for me. I’ve been pretty much sober ever since the hospital, which might be why I’m recovering so fast. At the same time it’s pretty hard to imagine life completely devoid of pot. I miss it, a lot, but I know it’s better to get some time away from what thoughts made me all paranoid and whatever. I’m thinking really clearly now, although a bit depressed. French and Saunders on Youtube are entertaining me though.

Anyway, off to bed I go, to re-read “What they did to Princess Paragon” which is the most funny book for summer reading. I highly recommend it.

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