Today I bought my mom some lunch at her school’s Cafeteria. She had just taken me to cash my work cheque. I’m waiting at home now for a friend to drop off something. Life’s kind of okay. I’m glad I decided to wait one more year for grad school. I think I just need some time to get myself back together.

I think the reason it took me so long to recover from this episode was because I was grieving over the break up.

Anyway, my phone’s been weirdly disconnected. People can still call and leave messages, and I can even hear the phone ring, but when I answer it’s all dead air, and when I pick it up to make a call, more dead air. So I have to pay my phone bill.

I’m doing pretty okay though. I’m surviving at any rate.

A friend of mine committed suicide last spring, leaving behind her children. She hung herself. Her face was black in the coffin and they put a cloth over her throat. She was buried next to the church on her reserve. We went to the funeral. I was so shocked that she did that. I thought about the last time I talked to her, she had sounded okay. I guess that’s the thing about suicide, it’s always a shock.

I’m not suicidal anymore, but I was for a while after my episode. It was just this generalized black cloud hanging over me, whispering kill yourself, kill yourself. I got rid of it with antidepressants. Thank god for antidepressants.

My new task is to try and get three videos onto DVD for my CFC application. I’m somewhat excited for it, I really hope I get in. I am also STILL waiting to hear about my grant. I really hope I get it. I didn’t get my smaller grant, which is okay. But this one, eeeee, I hope to get it, I really do.

I’m also on the waiting list for Co-Op Rainbow Housing, which rents out one bedroom places to people with disabilities and you can keep animals there. It’s a year long waiting list, so hopefully I’ll hear something in September.