Ashes to Ashes

I got defriended by my ex and past big love. The funny thing is what really pissed me off about it was that I didn’t do it first, because I really was seriously considering defriending her. I was ready to cut my ties to her and jettison her over the side of the boat that is my life. But she did it first! Shitty. Oh well, I mean clearly it had to happen. I was boycotting her, I refused to like anything or comment or ANYTHING on her profile ever since she got all snarky over what I thought was an innocent joke pic. At first I thought she was just touchy about witch jokes (it was a computer screen of “Wiccapedia” which I thought was funny but she declared was “less than funny.”) But then she posted a pic about how women ride broomsticks and I was like “Wait wait wait, what? It’s okay for her to say a witch joke but not me?” Oh well. So I got annoyed with her and started boycotting her profile and then she defriended me.

It was gonna happen. I knew it was gonna happen. It had to happen. I need to not have her in my life whatsoever. She just makes me go around and around in circles waiting for, as my psychic said, her to have an “Ah-ha!” moment. But she never will. I hope she finds some boring guy to be with. She seems to prefer men anyway. She’s always given them more respect and attention. She’s one of THOSE bisexuals.

And she always treated me like garbage. Like some mega loser who isn’t worth anything. Pissed me off. I’m sick of that treatment. She can go to hell! She probably will anyway she is so mean. Naw, I don’t even believe in hell. I don’t think there is anything that punishes people after death, just karma in life before death. Maybe she will end up in a loveless marriage, that would be nice.

Either way I know I am going to end up with someone else, someone nice, someone who deserves my love and attention. And getting rid of her is a good thing, because it opens up space in my heart for someone new. And I really think no one new has come into my life thus far just because I kept being so damned mooney over her.

I didn’t even wish her a happy Valentines Day. I was so done with her. I had all these thoughts before of romantic things I was gonna post, but then she was a jerk and it all faded away in seconds. And it’s not even like she just recently started being an asshole, she’s been an asshole to me for a long time. Too long.

So that’s that. I am doing okay otherwise. My energy level is still kinda low from detoxing. I made it to 30 days yesterday, I can go get my chip at NA on Sunday. So close to six weeks! I was around some weed recently, and I looked at it and kinda wanted it but I didn’t have any because I didn’t want to go all the way back to day one. I also wanted a cigarette, which surprised me because I have been doing good and it’s been ten weeks and four days or so since I quit. I didn’t have a cigarette. It was hard because my friend who was smoking still enjoys it because she really hasn’t been a smoker for very long, not as long as me anyway. So seeing her enjoying it made me miss it a bit. I don’t even know how I didn’t have a smoke, I guess I didn’t want to get sucked into it again. I don’t know how long it would take me to quit again. This is the second longest I’ve gone without smoking since I started at 22. This is also the longest I’ve gone without pot since I moved here and didn’t have a dealer.

Well it’s late, my beer is done. I should really go to bed. Tomorrow we set off fireworks for my late cousin Christopher, I get my 30 day chip, we see Grandma and Grandpa. And??? I dunno what else. It will be a relaxing day I think. I am excited to see the fireworks! Christopher loved fireworks.

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