Bodies are weird.

ImagineNative was fun, as usual.  Got to see lots of people I knew, which is always nice.  Also I got to see a lot of work I’d never seen before.  Living here made a difference in how I experienced the festival though.  Because I have little dogs at home I had to skip some screenings to stay home with them and let them know I cared about them.  Dogs really need their people around.  So there were a couple afternoons I just spent playing with pups.

I’ve just spent several hours getting caught up with school stuff.  I have to do things tomorrow too.  And then Thursday is the last class of the week and then there are halloween parties! 😀 Louis and I are going to Chubb Rubb, him dressed as an ice cream cone and me dressed as the Ice Cream Man!

Just Dandy is screening at MIX NY on November 11th, and I am soooooo sorely tempted to run off to New York City for a few days.  But my more reasonable cautious side tells me “Noooo!  You can’t leave for a week near the end of the semester!  You have things to do and get ready for!  Next year you can go!”  But man, that throwing caution to the wind feeling is so strong!  I went to Oberhausen once at the end of semester, but I think I had put all my coursework in first.  Maybe.  I don’t remember.  But the circumstances are different this time.

I was talking with my mom about my fear of failing a certain class.  I was just all freaked out and stuff.  Cause you have to get a B- or higher to pass in Grad school, and I’m worried I’m just gonna flunk.  Because I’m bad at participation, because of general social anxiety, and I missed one 5% in-class assignment because I was sick.  Anyway, I was just generally all nervous.  And she said “No!  Don’t you think like that!  You are going to pass!”

ALSO I got quasi invited to do a month long residency next year, but it is dependent on the organization getting funds.  And I really want to do it.  I would do it when school is done, which makes me REALLY want to finish at the end of August as planned.  Actually the program people prefer the Major Project part to be done in July.  So hopefully I can turn in my script then.

I’m full of ideas these days, which is handy.  Also I am using almost every class to do work on my Major Project, which is helping a lot.  I need to write a grant in the spring and hopefully get it in August and start work for a year on another project.  Some people have five year plans, but the most I seem to be able to get is two years.  Which is still better than nothing I guess.

I have a lot to do, but also I feel like it’s all within the realm of possibility.  Like I MIGHT be able to stay afloat and finish my masters next year.  And part of me does like being in school again.  I always sort of liked school.  It pushes my brain to consider things more thoroughly.

And what else?  I am waiting for student loans money to be deposited.  The woman at Canada Post said it takes one or two weeks to go through.  So I’m not sure if she really knows or was just telling me what she thought I wanted to hear.  I don’t know how they process it.  I just know I need to pay rent on Saturday and right now there is two dollars in my bank account.  I think I am losing weight from not having much to eat, which isn’t really good, even if I wanted to lose weight that’s not a good way of losing it.  And it might make my body go into starvation packing on the pounds thing, which is a really awkward thing to explain.  Like “Yes, I am getting fatter because I don’t eat much and my body thinks I might die so it is holding onto every bit of fat it can.”  Bodies are weird.

BODIES ARE WEIRD!  I know that’s not a very Body-Positive message to convey, but I like things that are weird so to me it kind of is.  Also it acknowledges that all bodies are different, based on all kinds of things including whatever diseases/ailments/conditions people may have.

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