No that’s too high

I’ve not smoked any joints since the day I got my surgery date. They told me edibles and oils were ok though. So I have been trying to figure out how to use it without fucking myself up. So basically I don’t use it until I’m done work for the day because edibles get you high for longer than smoking so it’s just not something I want to be doing while working. Ha ha I mean that’s very logical though. But today I tried a higher dose after work and now I’m too high. I think what I like about smoking is I don’t do it enough to get me super high. But these oils can just get so high. I don’t know how I feel about using cannabis this way. I’m still committed to not smoking again until October. But it does suck. I will be fine! I managed in Vienna without anything.

Except for those HHC Gummy Worms. Those fucked me up omg never again. The funny thing is I was staying at Museumsquartier and there was a reputation (according to the Vienna subreddit) for that to be a good place to get weed. But I am too anxious to do drugs in a foreign country where it’s not explicitly legal. I’m a fuddy duddy.

So yeah, I gotta figure out the right dose for oils. I’m glad I live in Canada where I can do these things. The weed and sex change options here are nice.

It’s almost a year on T! I’m excited to celebrate that later this month. I saw my health care practitioner today who was a doctor working with the nurse who is doing my trans health care stuff. So she wasn’t my regular person to talk to. I don’t know, it feels better when you know there’s some consistency. But also there’s lots of doctors and nurses who go through there so it’s probably helping them learn about providing gender affirming health care.

Apparently cis men’s hormones at my age range from 8 to 30 (I forget the exact measurement unit of this unfortunately and also I am high) and I am at 14. So I could go up if I want, but I feel fine at this range. So I’m finally going to stop increasing my T dose and just stay at what is going on now. It seems fine now. My body is generally going in the direction I want it to go. Things shifted around in a way I like, and my sense of wellbeing feels a lot better on T.

I got a ticket to Barbie!!! I’m so excited! I tried to buy two tickets together but there weren’t any seats left for two people together. So then I dumped my imaginary date (I didn’t even know who to go with I was just gonna ask around) and anyway now I am going to see it on opening night. I’m so stoked ha ha ha omg! It looks amazing! I’m so excited so I hope I don’t get let down. They caused a global shortage of pink paint so I really want to see it. Also I totally had Barbies growing up. I think mine were some kind of martial artists. Which is kind of funny because I didn’t take martial arts as a kid. No karate for me but all my friends seemed to be going to classes.

We were poor!

I’ve been poor recently because of cash flow issues. But today I got some money. And I’m supposed to get more. So it’s slightly better. I’ve been running my GoFundMe for a few days and some money is coming in for when I’m recovering from surgery. So that’s really good. I hate self promotion. I should probably put it on my Instagram or something. Ahhhhh.

I am doing fine otherwise. I did bloodwork yesterday and an ECG for my surgery. So next I just need to do the pre-op, pick up my prescription, and then go get surgery! I feel like I should have an advent calendar for it or something. A new chocolate every day! In masculine themed shapes (NOT JUST PENISES).

Ha ha that could be a store! Not Just Penises.

Anyway yeah I’m excited for my surgery and the Barbie movie. I will probably go see Oppenheimer also, but like, I am not as excited about watching things blow up.

When my Mom and I were talking about my transition she asked if I was gonna start watching shoot ’em up action films. And I was like, noooo, I’m still the same person.

It’s kind of weird how some people act like I killed the old me and I’m a whole different person now. When I really feel essentially the same but more comfortable. Like I was always a guy. I just wasn’t as open about it before. I don’t know I don’t understand people acting like they are grieving someone who is doing perfectly fine and still alive. I still have most of the same tastes.

Anyway, I’m happy with my progress.

Donate to my GoFundMe! (I’m just sticking these on all my posts for a while forgive me!)

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