Flat Chest!

I’m doing well. My top surgery was yesterday and all went as planned. My mom made it in time for us to go, we were exhausted but managed. And the clinic was really wonderful, such kind people. My surgeon was really good, no complaints about it. When I was finally on the operating table and the anesthesia was kicking in I was watching the lights and the sort of arms or whatever holding the lights up seemed to start moving although they weren’t and that was the last thing I remember. When I woke up I felt like I was having a really nice dream I didn’t want to leave. And someone was talking to me and it was a bit hard to come out of the fog. But I did, recovery didn’t take too long at the clinic. They gave me water and ginger ale and cookies. The cookies were so dry tho and I already hadn’t eaten anything for like, 18 hours or something. So my mouth was super dry. But it went fine, and when I was ready they wheeled me out to the car and I went home with my Mom and my friend Vee.

I came home and was basically resting, then had some yogurt and made sure I wasn’t feeling nauseous, and then I ate some more food. Since then I’ve just been resting and snacking and taking my Tramadol. I can’t have marijuana until I’m done with my Tramadol, so my edibles are just hanging out waiting. I will probably quit the Tramadol on Monday, since they said the first three days are the hardest pain wise.

The pain comes and goes, if I move around a lot it hurts, but I’m not moving too much. It’s hard to get up from bed, but my sit-ups at the gym have given me a pretty good ability to sit up in bed. I’m using a wedge pillow and a neck pillow for sleeping and have managed to sleep on my back and NOT have night terrors, which is great because that usually happens when I sleep on my back. I’m still having trouble sleeping through the night tho, plus I have to wake up at 2:30 and take my painkiller.

And my chest looks nice. Obviously I haven’t seen all of it since my nipples are still covered in dressings. But I’ll see them on Friday! I hope they are cute, I know they will look gnarly for a while though. I have bruising and swelling but nothing scary. My mom who is a wimp with injuries was even able to see my incision this morning and not make her usual painful noises. So that’s good. It’s pretty much a neat and clean incision site, and the nipples are covered like I said.

It’s really nice. I was so excited this morning that I woke up early and had to wait for Mom to wake up to do some things. But my chest just feels so nice. Finally today I really felt at home in my body in a way I wasn’t expecting. Like, it feels like my chest was always this flat. Maybe in my soul it just felt this way. I don’t know but I’m excited to continue my healing and see how I inhabit my body now. I feel more confident already, even though I’m still super vulnerable and in pain. I know it’s gonna be a few more weeks before I really see how my chest is. It’s just so swollen now. And I had contouring so that also causes some swelling. But overall it’s great! No regrets! It’s kinda funny because now the round part of me is my tummy, but I still like that better than before.

I lost a pound according to the scale, BUT also I am swollen and constipated so I’m not really sure that is accurate. I’m passing gas finally so I’m hoping my digestive system goes back to normal tomorrow.

My friends have been so nice, and sending all kinds of sweet messages, and one of my friends sent me sweet treats today. So I feel very loved and I feel like I finally am in love with my body.

I am still raising funds for my recovery! You can send money to this GoFundMe.

Thanks for all your support!

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