Squish Squish

I’ve been doing 80mg of testosterone a week for a while now and I’ve stopped being able to have a good cry. It’s eerie!! I feel exactly like Edina Monsoon being like “Squish squish” when I want to be crying but can’t. Like one time in therapy recently my eyes watered but then I wiped them and it was over.

When we did therapy when I was on an estrogen dominant system, I would basically walk in and start crying and KEEP crying until I left. Every other week like clockwork. I used to have to schedule crying times at home too ha ha. One time I cried so hard the cushion I was sitting on was damp.

But now I can’t really cry, or if I do it’s just like, easy to wipe away. But I feel like crying is a good thing. It’s a release, it does good things to your body to let that stuff go. Now I have to go be a boy and work out at the gym when I need to regulate my body. So tough! Sigh.

Anyway I am gonna do it again next week and the week after, but after that I’m seeing my doctor again FINALLY to see what’s going on with my hormones and maybe I will decrease to 70mg and see if it makes me feel better about being an emotional human. I don’t feel like the higher dose brought any more things like new hair or anything. And 70mg is higher too anyway. I think I can cry at 60mg.

It’s just very weird seeing certain people in the community try to ruin my life and then not cry over it. Like, that should happen, some tears. Nope.

So anyway maybe in May I’ll be able to cry!

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