I’m so beat. I had to pause writing my novel while I get some work projects done. I did hit 27,416 words on it before I paused, so I think I’m doing pretty good. I hope to get back to it soon but this week is ImagineNATIVE and also I have to finish my edit on my documentary work in progress to screen it on Friday. So I’m editing this week and then next week I hope to turn more fully to my novel and this other script I am working on. It’s been hard trying to squeeze time in. Also I think I need to have less sex. I’m just not very interested in sex when I’m being creative, and the time is precious. I would rather be editing. Or writing.

I’m in this weird position of not really being in love with anyone and it’s strange. Kind of freeing though. It frees up a lot of mental space for one thing. I used to get really wrapped up in desiring love and it’s just not a thing right now. I love my life though (despite being bitter about funding). I’ve been doing guitar, keyboard, and singing, and getting to know more about music has added a whole new dimension to my creative life. Trying to master technique is an interesting process. I think aside from drawing maybe, most of my practice has not needed body memory to be so involved. I think that’s kind of a cool addition anyway.

The dogs are fine. We just hang out playing music and editing and writing and that’s a nice life. Mostly I’m staying in. My singing classes are at a music school but the other two are online, which seems to be working out ok.

I’m learning Life on Mars on guitar still and it’s hard, I can grab the 20 chords easier but I haven’t fully connected the names of them. So once I can do that I will feel like I can play this song easier.

I guess it’s Pride Month now (unless you’re a corporation catering to the billionaire class) so we should celebrate. I have one pride dog shirt that used to be for Little Mister. But he’s passed, and he was the only dog I could bring to Pride because Posey would just try to beat all the other dogs up. And so would Todd. So no pride for them. Little Mister was such a chill guy, I still miss him so much. I realized the other day while trying to put on a shirt that I have some Extremely Faggy/Trans t shirts that I don’t actually know where to wear ha ha. This is funny because I live somewhat close-ish to the gay village so I’m honestly probably fine walking around my neighbourhood with a shirt that says Nice Cock and has a rooster on it. But I get nervous! The queer kid who grew up in Saskatoon in the 90’s and got jumped for having weird hair comes out and is like “NO you must wear a jacket with that shirt!” Thanks scared inner queer kid.

I am having a better time as a fag than a dyke though which I think I’ve mentioned before. I always felt that lesbian communities really wanted some of the sexual freedom that queer men have with each other. But it never really worked out. I remember when I had an estrogen dominant system I would get SUPER attached to someone even if we just met and had sex for one night. So I think it’s a bit harder to be as casual as people on testosterone can be with each other. Or, I am just having an easier time being casual as a man. But at the same time it would be nice to fall in love again. It’s just the bar for that is kind of high right now and I don’t see the point of living with a partner when I am living on my own just fine. I mean I guess the rent would be cheaper? But it’s cheap for what I get.

Anyway blah blah blah. I’m going to try going to the trans march this year. Things always happened which kept me away from it but no more! I demand to be able to go! No one is going to schedule something with me that conflicts with it. if you want to have a conversation with me about some work thing I guess you are going to have to put on some short shorts and follow me down the street while we talk about it.