I was hoping to go for a walk, but it’s storming outside. Booo! I like thunderstorms though. They always made me happy, my Grandma loved them too.

I’ve spent some time writing today, trying to open up new memories in my characters. I think I need some more memories though. I was using things I really do remember though. I haven’t thought a lot about my childhood, but now when I look back on it I see all these really boy-coded experiences I was excited about. Like learning to ride a bike, and learning to fish and gut a fish. I remember my Grandpa spent a lot of time teaching his grandchildren to fish. It was my boy cousins and I learning. He took me to the backyard and had me cast and reel in the line over and over with a lead weight on the end. And when he taught me how to gut the fish it was all bloody and gory, but delicious at the end obviously.

He never did go hunting so we never learned hunting. But I think maybe shooting something was too much for me. I did learn how to shoot at one point, with a rifle. But I haven’t done it since I was 12, so I’m not joining any hunts now that’s for sure. And I’m a sucker for cute animals so shooting one is probably not going to happen in my life.

I’ve got almost 2500 words left to write to get to 50,000 words in my novel. I’m trying to stretch some parts out. But all of it is down really. The whole arc of the book. I know there’s major flaws in it that need to get worked out, but once I finish tomorrow I’m putting it aside for at least until September. I’m so close to being done! It’s amazing!

I also have to write a script and a grant, so that’s what I am up to this week.

The dogs are fine. I went to the T Boy Beach Day at Hanlans yesterday, but my friends who were maybe going to come couldn’t come. So I was hanging out on my own mainly, it was okay though. I went in the water. Drank some drinks, smoked some weed, had some edibles. Then came home and made some sausages and corn on the cob and yellow zucchini with parmesan and garlic. So it was a good day. I was exhausted. I had some dates on Friday and Saturday which were fun. I’m starting to feel more open to romance than before, so I guess I am hesitantly putting myself out there. The date on Friday was super sweet because we got to know each other better outside of my home. I want more of that, I’m tired of the hookup life. I mean I probably still will have hookups. But I would like some steady partners.

I did some scriptwriting today too, not a TON. But enough that I feel I can follow through on it finally.

I’m really hesitant to write feature scripts again though. I’m just so tired of how long development takes. I have an idea for a low budget script which I might actually be allowed to make, so I’m focusing on a grant for that. Constant search for money.

I’ve been turned down for teaching gigs so I’m still not sure how I am surviving this Fall. I was looking at my income in WAVE and it’s pretty piss poor. I know the teaching earlier this year helped a lot. But now I don’t know. I guess I’ll continue looking for work.

I finally filled out my beneficiaries for my life insurance. So once that is in the mail I will feel a lot less concerned over it. I still don’t have a will. I need to do that so yeah, but I don’t have extra cash for a lawyer right now (and I have an artist estate so the will kits aren’t comprehensive enough). I need to do it so that my money doesn’t just go to Indian Affairs. I would be so annoyed if it did. Sometimes I think about willing my artist royalties to an organization, but knowing organizations as I do and how they can disappear, it’s something I’m reluctant to do.

I got the appointment reminder for my neurology appointment in the mail today. So yeah, that is nice to see and put on my fridge and remember in seven months or whatever. Seven months, that’s a Snow White dwarf every month! Ha ha sorry that’s the only thing I can think of that comes in sevens. Maybe seven brides for seven brothers? I am sure we watched that at some point. 7Up? Either way, I have to survive long enough to get my fluid siphoned out so my brain can operate in a better way again.

For a while I would get that feeling when I woke up like “Wow, I’m not bipolar I have a neurological condition.” But then as time went on, and nothing changed because nothing can (for seven more months!) I just felt like whatever. I’m still on my psych meds. I’m still living with Normal Pressure Hydrocephalus. It’s just hanging on.

I did recognize that my walking is not as even as it used to be. I think I’ll be fine for the next seven months, but I did stop wearing flip flops and now when I go out I’m always in sneakers because they give me more support when I’m walking. Aside from that not much has changed. I did read a book about this condition, but it was written for elderly people with advanced dementia so it repeats A LOT and just frustrated me about as much as when the psych ward sent me to Bipolar School where I sat there bored to tears listening to all the things I already knew about bipolar disorder.

Anyway, guess I should go read. I did my singing class tonight, I’m Still Standing and Wicked Game. I’m having trouble with Wicked Game because I’m not hitting the pitch right. I’m torn on if I should continue singing classes (which I can’t really afford right now) or if I should quit for a while. The thing is it’s been really helping me and I can tell I am doing better. But yeah, the money is an issue. I know where September rent is coming from but not how to pay bills etc. It’s lean times. I have to decide by the 15th if I am going to continue in September. I really like my teacher though. Ahhh. But also I don’t know what my singing goals are. I can do okay at karaoke now. But I’m not doing open mics.

I want to write songs too and at some point I’m going to have to take song writing classes. Maybe next year.

This month I think it’s two years of guitar? Is it? Three? No probably two, because I started singing one year in.