Some days I really hate being crazy. Today is a perfect case in point. I felt too hugely fucked up to go to school, even though I had a presentation due. Too much of a mess. My paper is still not done and I’m still tired. Last night I got so wired up, my hands were shaking, it was a terrible sight. I don’t really have that much work to do on my paper. But my anxiety went through the roof. I’ve never been so freaked out.
That’s a lie, I’ve been freaked out way worse than that. I love conspiracy theories, but when you think you’re living in one, it totally sucks.
Anyway, this leads me to the debate around how to explain to my professor that my bipolar disorder is acting up and could she please give me an extension and another day to present? I mean, bipolar is such a weird illness to have. In the first place, it’s all in your brain, and no one looks at your brain on a daily basis unless you are in some kind of medical testing facility. In the second place, it makes really simple daily things seem insurmountable at times. And it’s really hard to communicate to people why those things get so difficult.
Plus living with it is like being super sensitive, emotions get cranked up, depressions are like being buried alive, mania’s like riding shooting stars. And somewhere in between is this place called normal. How do we ever attain the goal of normality?