The other day I was hanging around with some folks when the most disturbing thing happened. I was talking with a friend about getting a dog, and how sometimes it takes a while to housebreak a puppy. I mean, I have raised two puppies in my life, I remember cleaning up poop. Anyway, this other guy just says “No no no. You can housebreak a puppy in three weeks, you just have to rub it’s nose in it’s shit.” And my friend is nodding, and they’re all being very “We’re older than you and know best.”

Ugh, I have never hated a fellow human so much. I did serious heavy duty research in how to raise and own a dog over years of my life, reading all the books, going to obedience class. And if there’s one thing I know is that it’s cruelty to animals to rub a puppy’s nose in shit. What you’re supposed to do is keep your eye on it and scoot it outside when it looks like it’s going to pee or poop. And be ridiculously vocal and happy when they do it outside. I mean, would you rub a babies face in it’s own shit to potty train it? No, and a baby doesn’t even have the same highly developed sense of smell that a puppy has.

So I was really mad last night. I really hope they don’t expect me to be like that when my new best friend comes home, whenever that is.

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