Unpaid Blogging Work Ethic: And how to send weird messages that wig people out

I am always hearing this stuff about how people make themselves so famous because of blogging. And end up making all this money off their blogs.
I never made ANY money off my blogs! Sometimes I PAID money to have blogs. And mostly that is self-esteem based, I feel like I am not writing enough to be worthy of being a famously wealthy/enterprising blogger. I did once have this idea about making some Genderfuck t-shirts with my sketchy ink drawings of differently gendered silhouettes. Which would bring in some revenue. I guess. But then, life catches up with me and I go through different phases of my life of being able to write something everyday to not writing much, ever. And it’s not always because I don’t care, it’s often because I am too busy or sometimes too depressed. Uh, unfortunately when I am Manic I write ALL THE FREAKING TIME! About weird shit. Everywhere! Literally, I will be walking down the street while manic letting little weird pieces of paper with strange stories fall out of my pockets. It’s a really bad idea sometimes, to write! You can write yourself into all kinds of terrible situations! I had a burning once, of the Writings. I had access to the internet for such a short time, and then got into trouble and went home and wrote all kinds of little books full of all these thoughts I had. And then I burned them four years later. And then fuck, I went crazy a couple months after doing that and wrote all kinds of NEW things everywhere, and had access to the internet!
The Dube Centre has internet access for patients now.
I’m worried, I have never had internet access from a ward before, I might write all kinds of funny things. I am not in a ward now! I am actually at home. But my cousin was in the ward recently and I saw their new computer. I started remembering all the strange emails I wrote that wigged people out! I know all the things I would write from a ward in the future would be wigging people out, just by virtue of me being able to write from a locked ward.
Some people don’t realize this, but there is also a phone anyone can use during specific hours on most wards. It’s just been the internet that has been slow to be introduced to psych wards.
It sucks not having access to email, or your voice messages, or any other place to contact people besides through other patients answering the phone and finding you, and if not finding you then being sane enough to take a message.
AN update on my cousin: My cousin Luke is now at North Battleford in the big hospital doing some extended programming and stuff for a year or so. It’s this really old timey hospital from the 40’s that had a morgue and has some graveyard on the property and it’s pretty institutional, but he is safe and hopefully will grow into a more stable being. His life’s been pretty up and down, mostly down, so I hope this stay helps him out. Poor guy, it must be so boring. They make psych wards as boring as possible so as not to disturb people, but it gets pretty tedious. Even with the occasional person acting out, there’s not a whole lot to do besides smoke cigarettes. And even that is getting phased out. Except at the place Luke is at, he can go outside and smoke cigarettes. But not at the Dube Centre because you can’t smoke anywhere on Health Region property. Even when I was at Hantleman we had to walk all the way to the river to smoke. No smoking in the parkinglot. You have to stand just OUTSIDE of the parking lot.
And now Hantleman is an office building. Or will be.
But with care I will not have to spend time at the Dube centre using the computer and sending weird messages to the world. I have to be more mindful of taking my medications.
Little Mister wants to go to bed. I think it’s time. Little Mister! Don’t sleep on the floor!

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