OMG BABIES ARE A LOT OF WORK! Especially at my nephew’s age, which is big enough to walk around but not big enough to say sentences. He’s really not a baby baby anymore, he’s a little boy. Very little. He was awake for something like five hours from getting here in the morning until finally crashing at 4pm for an hour and a half. All was peaceful, but you couldn’t be too loud or you would wake the baby. And then he woke up and we had dinner and then he went home. I changed a diaper today. It wasn’t a poopy diaper though, that would have been worser. I saw him make a poop face. He got all red and stuff. Babies are weird that way. I will be glad when he realizes toilets are for pooping in and not for throwing things in and flushing them away. We had to keep all kinds of doors closed and a baby gate up and he still was trying to play with a spray bottle and found a jar and it’s entourage of dust bunnies. And our closets are not baby proof, that is for sure.

I finally saw my doctor, did I mention that in the last post? It is true! I am getting a referral to a gynecologist to discuss my options in regards to these fibroids. I am seriously considering an ablation, which would burn the lining of my uterus and then I would not have periods again. And hopefully it would keep me from having to get a hysterectomy, although I don’t know for sure, I will have to come up with a list of questions to ask this gynecologist. It will also get rid of my fertility. I am pretty sure I never want to be pregnant, but it is also a big decision to make. And “pretty sure” sounds dodgy.

I am also waiting to hear back on some tests for this and that. I hope there is nothing to worry about. Because I really don’t want to have to add more pills. It’s hard enough swallowing all of them at once now, I’d probably choke to death with more.

Actually I think I am at an all time psych med LOW that is psychiatrist approved! Right now I am on Epival, Risperidone, and Wellbutrin. And that is IT! Besides that I am on iron and ranitidine. So it’s not such a big deal. But I can still tell if I miss them, I don’t feel right. Not like I feel CRAZY, just off, sometimes I get more cry-ey when I miss my morning meds, which is my Wellbutrin. And if I forget my night meds I won’t be able to sleep properly, I will keep waking up in the night and thinking. And when you are someone who thinks as much as I do, it’s nice to have a break! Anyway, that’s the scoop with my meds. It’s been a while since my last manic episode. I’m sure I’ve had some milder hypomanic episodes, but those don’t usually cause too much trouble. Or DO THEY????

But yes, I have been out of the hospital for nearly four years!!!! I’m really happy about that, because being in the hospital wipes out a year of my life in terms of feeling productive and creative and functioning. Bleh. And they say it will take me longer to recover each time it happens. So I really don’t want to get off my meds. They’ve made me feel way more stable. And life has still had shitty moments, but I haven’t been bleakly suicidal in that time either. Except for when I got out of the hospital. I was pretty suicidal in the group home, it was yucky! I just kind of held on until things got better for me.

Yucky. But post mania depressions are not that uncommon. Especially when you have just flooded your brain with all that dopamine and seratonin and have to build it back up again. It takes a while!

I heard a cautionary tale once from this gay friend who told me he had friends who were doing ecstacy ALL THE TIME for a while and in the end they said they couldn’t feel happy anymore, like they just used up all the happiness you’re allowed to have in life. Now that is depressing!

I won 2 dollars and a free play in Lotto Max. The next draw is for 50 million and 30 Maxmillions. I have three numbers. HOPE HOPE HOPE I win some cash! I am such a wimp gambler really, I only buy Lotto Max tickets when it’s for 50 million and Lotto 649 when it is 17+ million. And that doesn’t happen THAT frequently. And I don’t play the same numbers over and over. Which I am told is what I should do.

I was too busy with baby to do much of what I was going to do today. I am going to have to try this again tomorrow. I wrote a list of things I have to do but it got submerged beneath a pile of papers~!

And Mum’s got some kind of stuff she is working on too and it has made us all very busy. I am in charge of making dinner for a while. Tomorrow we are having Black Bean Soup! 😀 Today we had a Frittata and the day before yesterday we had tacos!

Little Mister had a haircut and a wash and a manicure on Friday, he looks quite dapper! And he is happier I think, although he doesn’t stay outside as long, having so little fur now.