If I could give advice to myself

If I could give myself advice 10 years ago, it would be this:

Get Airmiles and get your prescriptions at the Safeway Pharmacy. You will see so many movies for free this way!

Don’t feel so embarrassed by what you are going to do in the next few years, because mania is part of an illness and it is what it is and does what it does to most of the people who have it in a very similar way. Lots of people end up thinking they are some kind of messiah and it’s just a different kind of symptom than most physical illnesses.

Maintain good boundaries and don’t get caught up in drama other people stir up. It makes you look better.

Don’t accept being bullied because that is not acceptable.

Don’t be afraid to fall in love, and don’t be afraid to be alone, because you mostly will be alone anyway.

Don’t forget to go out and do things on your own because independence is a good thing no matter what people say about women on their own.

Don’t feel like you have to ride a motorcycle and eat beef ribs and never get fucked back to be a proper butch. That’s just silly, no one gets to make any rules about what butch is.

Do love your friends and spend at least some time daydreaming about crushes, because that is fun and will make the rest of your mid twenties to mid thirties bearable!

Keep trying Velveeta’s number because sometimes she is not paranoid of collectors and will pick up the phone and then you can hear her great laugh that makes rooms of people laugh it is so funny!

Don’t hold grudges unless someone was consistently an asshole to you and doesn’t deserve another chance.

Be prepared to cry lots and lots and then not cry for four years and then being able only to cry once in a very long while when fictitious elves die.

Start entering any contest you find and looking online for printable coupons. You will not regret it, it’s even better than the lottery.

Buy lottery tickets for the moment of hope, but don’t expect to be able to quit your job anytime soon. And make sure to sign your ticket ALWAYS!

Nurture your friendships.

Visit your grandparents as much as you can.

Don’t be so depressed when you move back to Saskatoon. It is not actually that bad of a place to live.

Get counseling about your experience in the psych ward in Montreal.

That time you quit smoking for six months because you were kissing someone cute, keep not smoking!!!!


Well that is what I would say. I have started taking these tiny nicorette mint lozenges that only take about 12 to 15 minutes to melt away and it’s a LOT better. I have them every couple of hours when I am really having a nic fit. And it’s redirected my focus. They are kind of like altoids. I did have a couple puffs of pipe tobacco in a blue zig zag this morning, but I got grossed out and put it out. I haven’t had any since. I have mostly not smoked, except for in the mornings right when I wake up. Mornings are tricky for me. I wake up and the first thing I naturally think is “YAY! I get to go have a cigarette!” Seriously, exactly that wording too! And so while I am sleeping I am not conciously thinking about my quit and so I forget about it and wake up and am still all “YAY! I get to go have a cigarette!” And it’s kind of a downer to think “NO YOU DON’T!” right after so early in the morning.

Oh, I have to tell you about my big score! My Christian Lacroix airplane bracelet came in the mail today from OutTV, and so did my 2 admissions 2 drinks 1 popcorn voucher from Airmiles, and then I googled Nicorette Patch Printable Coupon and got a coupon for 5 dollars off! That’s so much betterer! More better! From now on it’s all Airmiles, Contests, and Coupons! To hell with grant writing, this is more instant gratification!

Although to be serious, I am applying for funds soon again, like within the next six months, and it could be in a few weeks and it could be later. But I am going to actually try my luck with APTN. The Industry! OMG! I hope I don’t get chewed up by the Industry and spit out on a black list when Harper tries to take over the arts to crush our spirits!

Jack Layton died this morning. It was the first thing I heard and made me feel sort of alone. Like, what! Noooo! But I knew it was going to happen, his last public appearance he looked like a skeleton. Poor guy. Cancer sucks! What will happen to us now?

One thought on “If I could give advice to myself

  1. That APTN thing sounds worth checking out. Something that’s neat about niche networks is that they have less to choose from than regular networks so there’s more of a chance that someone without much experience can get in on it.
    If a white woman who’s been making video art approached CTV with a great idea about some white women who go to Mars, they’d expect much more experience in TV production that you’d have or partners who have. With a niche network like APTN (or Out TV or any others) they just might listen to you. They’d want to make sure the project didn’t fail so would want to team you up with one of their people but that’s actually a good thing as I assume you don’t want it to fail either and there is much about TV production that you wouldn’t know about. (I’m assuming you’re talking about pitching your idea to them. If this is about applying for work with them then that’s different.)
    Maybe talk to Dana Claxton for advice. Her and her sister produced a series for them and they came out of the video art world.

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