The basement is so close to being finished! And after Christmas I get to move up to the ground floor and have a bedroom with giant windows. WINDOWS!!!
Christmas is less than a week away! Sunday! OMG! I still have to get my cousin something, although I am dubious about whether he will get me anything. I know what I am getting him, but my Mom called me an enabler so I might get him something else. Depending on how much it is. He didn’t come home last night. I don’t know where he is.
Beatrix Kitty likes laying on her back. She’s doing it right now, all flopped out beside me purring. She’s a cute cat, I like her. She went through a terrible phase when she was a kitten, but all kittens are terrors.
Today in three hours it will be two weeks without a cigarette! 😀 But today is really rough. 🙁 I am having terrible thoughts of going out and getting a butt to smoke, which is ridiculous because there aren’t even any butts or cigarettes in the house, that’s why Steven left last night. The temptation is really bothering me, especially since I read COPD screening questions at the clinic the other day and noticed I had two of the warning signs, coughing up phlegm and shortness of breathe. But my breathing is actually pretty good, and I think I am just coughing up phlegm because my lungs are cleaning themselves out. At least, that is what I am hoping.
Either way I know if I keep smoking I am on the path to getting COPD and it terrifies me. I don’t want to be all gibbled because of a dumb addiction that made me feel guilty for years. I just hope it’s not too late for me. And I hope these urges to smoke go away. For most of my quit I have had a pretty good time of it, except for a handful of days when I really thought about having a cigarette. It was funny, I would feel really vulnerable to a relapse for about a day and then the next day I would be on top of the world, looking down on creation! So I know these rough days pass. But damn it is hard. Still, every time I feel the trigger to smoke and I don’t give in, I am deprogramming myself. And that feels good. They say quitting smoking is a process, not an event. Much like coming out of the closet I guess.
Speaking of coming out of the closet, I have realized it is a lifelong process. I come out a lot, but sometimes I just forget until it gets really awkward. It makes me realize I could go back in the closet just because of someones heterosexist mindset. I wanted to just make an announcement and be done with it and have everybody know. But no, I have to keep asserting it. Imagine being heterosexual and having people you meet constantly think you are queer, it gets annoying! Being presumed heterosexual is so bizarre. And it’s especially awkward when I have to shrug off sexual attention from clueless straight men, because they have that whole idea that lesbians are doing it just to turn them on. UGH!
There’s my rant for the day. That will be five cents.
No, there is more I want to write about I am sure.
I am a bit concerned by how many people I am supposed to buy Christmas presents for now. I really liked it when I just bought for my mom and my sister, and now people are telling me to buy for a whole bunch of people and I just can’t afford it. Next year I am going back to my rule of only buying for my mom and Sky. I don’t really care about a big Christmas. And I’m not even Christian! I should celebrate the solstice. The earth is tilting back towards the sun and the days will get longer again, that’s reason enough to celebrate.
It’s been unseasonably warm this fall/early winter. And there is hardly any snow. And I am being governed by a corrupt government which denies the very real fact of global warming, even though it is fucking with our arctic. Just because they can get some money out of the tarsands, which by the way uses more oil to produce a barrel of oil. SIGH! And I also disagree with fracking, I think it will increase earthquake prone regions. Even the US Military gave up fracking because they knew it was causing earthquakes.
Canada is going to shit. And we have four more years of this, and the NDP is being so damned quiet since Jack Layton died. We’re the opposition, we should be doing more, it seems. We need someone who’s brave enough to stand up to the bullies in our government. And we can’t even call it the Canadian Government anymore, now it’s the Harper Government. So fucked up.
I’ve really gotten into knitting these days. It’s a skill for the apocalypse! LOL! We’re days away from 2012, and there are still people I know who think something big will happen. I don’t know what I think. I definitely think things are coming to a head. I can see civil unrest happening in Canada with this government that doesn’t listen to it’s people. And I know aboriginal people in Canada are really getting fed up with the racism and racist policies directed towards us. Racism is abuse. It’s not funny and it’s not merely an opinion, not when it is entrenched within government through things like the Indian Act. And it keeps me from reading the comments section. It seems like everyone in Canada is a racist if you just read the comments section.