Sobriety these days

I guess I could check in about my sobriety and what life is like now.

Well, in four days it will be five months without booze, and nine months without weed. It’s a big milestone. I’ve been feeling a lot more positive without it. It took some adjusting the first three sober months. I was missing my old life of partying and hanging out with drinkers. But then I started getting used to it. And being interested in other things. I started driving a lot more because I was sober and therefore allowed to drive all the time! It was pretty wicked, I would go on long drives with my cousin Deanna and check out places of the city that I didn’t usually go, like across the river from the Regional Psychiatric Centre. Which incidentally is where Karla Holmolka was once. And I think Paul Bernardo too. Maybe. Anyway, besides that, recently as I have mentioned I really got into my knitting. And drinking teas. All kinds of teas, Earl Grey, Pomegranate and Egyptian Mint, Chamomile, Raspberry Zinger, Blueberry, Good Night Tea. I’ve really gotten into tea drinking. I am thinking of making my own London Fogs too.

I’ve gone to NA, which wasn’t really a fit with me. I’ve gone to Concurrent Disorders. I’ve talked with my psych nurse about my sobriety. I have made plans to go back to school to learn screenwriting. That’s a big step because it involves moving to Toronto, my last of the Big Three, as in the Big Cities of Canada. There’s Calgary and Winnipeg I guess too, but they don’t have the same hype around them as Vancouver, Montreal, and Toronto. And I have already lived in Vancouver and Montreal. Montreal was mean, at least if you are a psych patient. I have heard mixed things about Toronto for psych patients/survivors. On one hand there is a lot being done in terms of mad activism. On the other hand I have heard negative things about the psych wards there. I’ll have to look into it.

I’m applying for jobs again. I just need to make decent cash in my last year of living here so I can save up money for school and moving. Anyway, that’s a big step too. It would kinda suck having a job to go to five days a week, but it would also be nice to have a little financial stability.

I’m on the alert for potential partners. I don’t know where I will meet somebody, since I haven’t gone to the gay bar since May. But I never met good girlfriends in bars anyway. I met them through friends or at school or work. I could meet someone somewhere new though, I mean really, who knows? My psychic says around now I should be getting into my next serious relationship. Or in November. But it depends on me. That whole showing my soft side thing. My gooey innards.

I am excited about the prospect of leaving my Mum’s house, in fact of leaving this city altogether. I’m starting to get irritated by dramatic cousins and the interpersonal shit that goes on with them. I’d like to just be far away and have my own friends and get on with being 35 (which is the age I will turn next year). I think it would be nice to get some distance from my family. They can really stress me out. I think Mum does too much stuff for people, but she won’t change. It just worries me that it’s gonna wear her out and lead her to an early grave!

Anyway, my sobriety is important. It’s helped me make some major changes in my life. And I’m not sad about not being able to party anymore. I’d like to make some more friends who don’t want to go to the bar all the time. It would be nice. One thing I miss is knowing which friends actually like spending time with me sober and which ones only wanted to hang out so we could all get drunk. Sometimes I am not sure. I’m spending a lot of weekend nights at home. That kinda sucks. It would be nice to go out and do things.

I’ve been making pies and tarts and muffins. It’s been fun. I need to make more things. Baking has been really lovely because at the end there is something yummy to eat.

One thing that sucks is how poor I am these days. I need to make more money. I know I can, I just have to work harder.

Tomorrow I am helping a friend make a video, so I should go to bed now.

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