Grinding and Thinking

I finally started talking to people on Grindr, which is interesting. I haven’t been able to meet up with any hookups yet tho for personal reasons. And also some people just end up not being great after you talk to them for long enough. People move WAY faster than the Queer women I’ve talked to on Tinder tho. Like, they want to meet RIGHT NOW! It’s a bit much for me, I need like a little bit slower.

BUT the testosterone finally kicked into that horny period which is funny cause it took me a while. It’s… a lot. And like, before I was having a little dip before shot day but today is shot day and yesterday I was still intensely horny periodically throughout the day. So finally I can see the appeal of having some guy just drop by for sex and leave. I am also hoping since I was still pretty horny yesterday that my T levels are more even and sustained than they were before. I think my body is just getting used to having this amount of testosterone in it now. I still want increased levels though, because I think there are things I’m not experiencing on this amount of T. Like, my armpits smell a bit muskier, but other smells haven’t really changed. And my body temp didn’t change a lot.

I still think I want to fall in love again but also I’ve been kind of getting harassed online by women, so I’m not so into advertising myself as available right now. I thought I was into getting validated by flirty horny guys on Grindr but that gets kind of depressing after a while too. Mostly I would just really love if someone asked to go for dinner and see a movie with me and not throw some horny shit on me before we’ve had a conversation. I think I can probably do gay hookups tho eventually but any heterosexual stuff is still kind of intense and weird for me. Also I still have feelings for an ex so I don’t know how much I have to offer anyone. Anyway, if you like me the best thing to do is NOT to send me anything horny, or to even bother me at all really. Ha ha omg. I sound like such a crab. I like making the first move usually tho. And there’s not really anyone I want to make a move on right now.

The immediate gratification of Grindr is kind of appealing though, just knowing you could hook up anywhere anytime. I don’t know what to do tho when guys want to meet RIGHT NOW Because I’m not always available. Sometimes I even want to be available but I’m just not because of personal reasons.

I’m still looking at the hairs on my sideburns a lot, they are doing SOMETHING. I have to get my hair cut soon but I don’t want her to shave down my sideburns to nothing. They’re very blonde and thin hairs so it’s not super noticeable yet. Anyway, I’m happy something is going on there.

I was feeling down about my family last night. I don’t know if we will ever be close again. I don’t know if I could ever feel safe with them again. Definitely not safe with my cousin who has some disturbing obsession with me being trans that comes out when he gets black out drunk. It’s just sad, to know I won’t be spending time in that house anymore or seeing the dogs that live there. I was hoping my family wouldn’t be one of the ones that is unsafe for trans people but just because of that one cousin and the people who enable him, it is. It’s depressing.

Ha ha aww this sounds like such a downer post. No I am fine, when I’m not being sexually harassed. Which is why it’s weird to be on Grindr where people’s opening lines can be so crass.

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