My Mom is still here visiting but today went to go see her friend in another town for the night. So I walked her to the street and waited for her Uber with her and she noticed I have hair under my chin, like, not peach fuzz but thicker hairs, and like still only a few but there. And she said she noticed follicles on my neck too, like hair follicles. So after she got in her Uber I went in and took a bunch of pics to see and there definitely is something happening. AND I also noticed neck follicles, like they are a little more prominent than they used to be. BUT ALSO that there are follicles on my chest now too. So I don’t know what is happening but maybe my facial and body hair is starting to come in more strongly. It’s blonde though so really hard to spot unless you are in the light. I shaved my face before top surgery but not since then, and my cheeks seem to have some fuzz too. I don’t know! I guess I’ll see what happens.

I don’t know if I would have gotten them at this time without top surgery. I mean I might have, I might just be on that timeline for Testosterone to start doing this. But whatever, I’m happy something is happening in the hair department beside my receding hairline. If I can gain hair in other spots maybe I won’t feel so weird about my hairline.

ALTHOUGH to be honest I am finally adjusting to myself being bald/shaved. I think I like the way it looks now. Sometimes I let it grow in a little bit, but it’s still pretty short even then. I just like the stubble look I guess. I do know I’m a lot less self conscious of my hair than when it was longer but so thin on top. And it was thin even before testosterone. So I just think the way I am shaving my head finally works for me. And I am used to seeing the mole on my head all the time. Accepting my body is making me less self conscious and more confident, which is really nice.

My therapist helped remind me that I need to eat a lot more and especially protein, so I’ve been trying to be conscious of giving myself more food.

My pain levels in my chest have improved a lot. I was able to give my Mom a soft hug today very carefully. It was nice, I still can’t physically feel a lot with the binder but it was a nice feeling. I’m glad I can hug people again if they are careful with me! I missed hugs.

I still can’t walk Posey so I’m getting my friends to help me this next month. We’ll see how that goes!!! I feel bad for her not getting walks. We usually go on them all the time.

My chest is slowly healing. There was a day when it looked nice enough to post pics on my Instagram, but then it’s started doing some nipple graft healing that isn’t as pretty. It’s going through a phase I guess. BUT I did post that one pic and I think even though my chest is healing it looks kinda sexy. Like, potentially sexy! The surgeon did an amazing job with the contouring. It’s not like, a skinny trans guy’s chest, it’s my chest, and kind of soft but in like the friendliest NDN dude way. Right now there’s still swelling and things are settling and need to stick back to the muscles under my skin, so it’s a work in progress. I just have to feed myself properly and take care of myself and wear the binder.

I also still have this gnarly gravity bruise on my side, but it’s healing really fast and is greatly reduced from how it was at first. Like I think it’s only 1/4th the size it used to be now. And it was HUGE! The bottom is healing the slowest (because gravity!).

I had a really hard time imagining my body feeling pleasure after the surgery. Not like, nipple pleasure which I’m just like if it comes back or not I’m ok. But like, wanting to cuddle someone or make out or have sex. And finally a couple days ago I started thinking about what it would be like to cuddle someone on my chest. So that felt nice. I’m not sure I am ready to make out with someone putting their hands there yet. But maybe? Not yet. Oh I don’t know. BUT I felt like my body was too concentrated on the pain of healing and now I am able to daydream a little about sex and romance. Which is nice. My body is still very obviously focused on healing though.

I took the auto-responder off my email accounts because I am ready to respond to people in a more timely manner again. So answering work emails has been relatively easy. I’m going to get back to more creative work next week. I have to finish a video and write a script. And write two project grants.

I am still raising funds for top surgery recovery! Any chipins would be great!

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