I’m still having cash flow issues, so that is stressing me out. I don’t know why people take so fucking long to pay artists but it’s not fun. I’m relieved I had a relative to borrow rent money from or I’d have been evicted by now. But also now I owe them money and the money I was gonna use to pay them back is still at least two weeks away from getting deposited so that is really frustrating. And I have some other money coming but not until the 19th. So it’s just a lot of frustrating waiting and bothering my friends to see who can lend me money for scar cream tomorrow. I hate always asking for money from people.

BUT if you want you can donate to my gofundme here.

Anyway yeah, I’m so tired of people assuming artists have a teaching career to live off of because some of us ARE full time artists and need to keep a regular cash flow going.

I’m buying lottery tickets again because I’m so tired of being poor. I’m not ALWAYS poor but I guess I am right now. I just wish I didn’t have to ask people for money anymore.

I did have enough eggs and cheese and butter for cheesy scrambled eggs today though. And I sold my last stocks to try and get money but it probably won’t be available until Monday and even then it was only like, 113 bucks. But that’s still more than I have now. And it will honestly probably go to therapy. And I don’t want to go back to therapy every two weeks because I was getting somewhere having it once a week. Anyway. I am supposed to get an artist fee that will pay the rent for October and hopefully give me enough to buy a plane ticket to London. I hate how money just disappears so fast though.

We got a weird answer from Telefilm when we applied for funding where it was like “we would love to give you money but we don’t have enough but if we get more it’s yours” and they are supposed to give us an answer by November 20th but honestly I’m losing hope because it’s already the middle of September with no word.

I do have grants I am working on, but also the grants are getting harder to get because they don’t have the same money they had during COVID. So that is a bit frustrating and I don’t know my chances on getting any of them. I got turned down for a Toronto Arts Council grant last year and honestly I’m probably applying for that project again but I guess I need to punch it up or something? It’s just my trans video. I’m trying to make it interesting and I don’t know what to do to make it MORE. I mean obviously there’s a growing tide of transphobic fascism and I should probably talk about that, especially since it’s now coming into Canada.

The Saskatchewan Premier Scott Moe has decided if he has to he is going to suspend the Charter of Rights and Freedoms to make sure “parental rights” to abuse their trans children are legal. So that fucking sucks. Someone told me trans people were safer here because of the Charter but I guess not! I know they are coming after children right now (which is disgusting) but they are also going to switch to trans adults soon too. Already the federal Conservative party is going to discriminate against trans women in terms of who is allowed in women’s spaces. So they aren’t in power federally but they are in power provincially like Scott Moe, the fucking bully.

The thing that makes me feel better is seeing how many people in the Saskatchewan subreddit talking about how the Sask Party is embarrassing and making them look like hill billy rednecks and that they don’t want to vote for them. But at the same time I don’t really have a lot of hope for my home province. And even the province I am in now is being run by a conservative crook who steals land like all the other colonizers.

ANYWAY blah I am obviously in a bad mood today but also that’s mostly because I’m poor and waiting for people to pay me, and people don’t want to pay me. Or they do but in a matter of days/weeks/months when they get around to it. Or maybe never!