Some rambly update

I had my first chest massage yesterday. It was so cool. I’d just been talking with my therapist on Monday about not feeling someone’s hands on my chest, and then my massage therapist offered to do a massage for my chest so I said yes. And it was great! I could feel all the pressure which made me feel more at home in my body. Not like a body that is still numb from surgery, even though my nipples are still numb. He also said my surgeon did a good job which is true! It was nice to get complimented.

Anyway London is coming so soon! Saturday we leave! It is a LATE plane flight, almost midnight here when I leave. And when we arrive it will be noon! I haven’t been in a few years so I’m excited.

Also my grants are in, I don’t have to worry about it anymore. I can still worry I guess but I can’t do anything about it. I hope the research part of it makes sense, it’s mostly all research and scriptwriting. AHHHHH. But also I just hope I conveyed the idea well enough.

I wish we had Universal Basic Income. I am getting paid for a thing I’ve done, but it was taking a while to come. Now it’s coming on Friday which is a relief because it means I won’t be totally broke in London. I will be able to buy their overpriced food!

I’ve been trying to increase my protein consumption. It seems to be working, I think I’m getting bigger muscles. They are still small but they are bigger than before T.

Ahh I don’t know what else to report. I have some screenings coming up, the one at BFI London Film Festival on the 13th, and KIN is finally premiering at ImagineNATIVE this month on the 20th at 6:30pm I hope the screenings go well! I’m also doing an Artist talk with my Mom in Nelson this month. I also have a screening coming up in Buenos Aires which I intend to be there for. I’m just like, last minute trying to figure out how to get money to buy this plane ticket. It’s constantly like that. I’m getting nervous because it’s harder to find the flights that go through Brazil instead of Miami. I’m pretty sure no one would bother me if I DID pee in the men’s room in Miami because I am more passable. BUT it’s still anxiety inducing and I would still have to go through the USA Border there. There’s also some flights through Texas though that might be ok. Really I want to go through Sao Paolo though and skip the states entirely.

ANYWAY we’ll see what happens. I just have to trust that things will work out.

I kind of knew this month would be a write off for actively working on creative projects, just because of all the traveling. I don’t know, I feel like I need a moment of stillness to work in, and the energy around multiple flights in a month gets really chaotic. I have noticed I’ve been more responsible with my money now that it is at a low point still from not being able to work during surgery recovery. Like I used to gamble more, and now I don’t when I know I can’t afford it. And I have these playsmart limits on my gambling site and the couple of times I’ve deposited money I haven’t gone anywhere near the limit, just like, 30 bucks once in a while. So that makes me feel good. And I’ve bought more of my groceries myself instead of getting them delivered. And I eat more of them too because I’m only buying staples that I need because I can’t carry a lot. It’s such poor person living ha ha. But I did live on extremely limited funds for a long time before my career began to help me actually earn a living, so it’s not awful. I have enough to eat. And today I got a cheque so I could get an iced capp which is nice.

Tomorrow I get paid for real, which is just in time to pay someone back and also for London. I have more money coming in the future hopefully, $1066 for sure when I’m back from London, and possibly 5500 from two travel grants but we’ll see. I have to pay my Mom my half of the Airbnb for London also though, which would come out of the travel grant. AHHH math ha ha. So really some of that travel grant money just goes in the hole. Which is the point really.

How else am I doing? I don’t know, fine I guess. My chest feels really good finally, although I still need to get this seroma drained and it’s gonna have to wait another week and a bit. It might be absorbing again tho, who knows! BUT my scar care is going well and my chest is settling into a nice form. My scar is thin in most places but one pec has a bit of a lumpy spot on the scar under my nipple. It might smooth out, who knows! I feel like my scars are like children, like I can do what I can to help them turn out ok, but in the end they are gonna do what they want. I’m doing massage with scar gel and then most of the day wearing silicone scar strips. They are a lot less pink already which is nice. It’s only been like, three weeks of scar care. It would be great if I didn’t have to do it for a super long time. I’m just gonna go until I feel I can live with them. But really they are pretty nice.

Anyway that’s about all from me for today. I am doing a drawing a day for October so I should go do that.

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