I redid my budget this morning and put my cleaning service on pause for a while. And told my personal trainer I can’t hire her again right now because I’m so broke. Anyway it cut a lot from my budget and it’s way more reasonable now. I still need to get out of debt tho, and also make sure there’s regular money coming in. My money is made up of so many little gigs from institutions and universities and it can take WEEKS to process. So that’s always a struggle, and trying to remember who owes me money and remembering to check if I owe someone forms so I can get paid. There’s multiple places owing me money right now and it’s just like, ugh I hope it comes a little quicker.

It would be nice to win an award with a large amount of money attached so I could wipe out my debt and go back to that blissful debt free life I had for six months after my student loans were paid off. It was like, a good feeling. Owing no one anything.

The thing is if we get Cows and Plows I can get hopefully $15,000 and pay off my credit card and a big chunk of taxes and I’d feel way better. But my rez is still all arguing over Cows and Plows and what to do and it’s just stressful. It’s this mythical money right now. Some rez gave their members $35,000 each so there’s this like, tension where some members want more. And some of it gets reinvested into our community which is good. But also there’s always been this tension amongst NDNs over whose rez gave better per caps and Christmas bonuses and stuff. Like one rez gave full turkeys for Christmas and I think this other rez gave like, half a chicken. And we aren’t a separated people, so people from different reserves know what the other reserves are giving. And it’s awkward as fuck. Disparities among reservations.

I know how to be poor tho, like I do remember all the things you do. There was a point in my life where I could estimate how many groceries I could get for how much and be accurate down to the penny. And that involved including tax in my head because they don’t put the real prices on most food in Canada. I hate having to calculate for taxes in my head tho it’s so annoying.

AND ALSO like geez just give me the $15,000 already I want to pay bills.

Anyway I am being responsible today I guess because I also made a doctor’s appointment and also got an appointment to see my surgeon to get this seroma drained. I hope that’s the end of it really. I’m tired of it coming back. I also have a plan to balance my household budget by unsubscribing to a couple more things and seeing about getting NIHB to pay for my therapy. I think my therapist just has to do some paperwork and I’ll be able to get paid back for future appointments for over a year. Which would help me out a lot. I think there’s things I can do to improve this money issue. I’m also thinking about teaching maybe one or two classes, if I can get them. I mean who knows right? Maybe if it’s just one or two classes I can do it.

I am seeing some more money come in, and I will get some grant results in February. But I gotta cut back until it’s better. No more frivolous purchases!