My chest is settling in really well. I got the seroma drained a couple days ago (there were actually two!) and now that side of my chest is less swollen and I’m actually getting hope again that it will smooth down enough that I won’t need a revision. It was probably the most difficult part of my chest, it had a stitch coming out for a long time so it was inflamed, PLUS the seroma was causing swelling. It’s still getting over being inflamed from the stitch, I had to stop doing scar care on that one area because the skin was broken there and taping it wasn’t letting it heal. But it’s healed now and hopefully I can keep doing scar care on it a while longer and it will start fading too. None of my scars got raised so far which is good. I had a keloid on my bellybutton scar from my gallbladder surgery for a long time, so I know it can happen on me sometimes. It did flatten and fade after a number of years though but I didn’t know to do scar care on it so it was left all on it’s own. But anyway, so far so good. I’m not really expecting my scar to totally vanish, but it might be less noticeable eventually which could be cool.
I am applying for a teaching job. I might not get it. I was swearing off doing this for a while just because my career was paying me enough without teaching. Also I was concerned for my disability and my career and teaching and how much time I had. BUT ALSO I have a lot more energy since getting on testosterone, so really I might be able to do all of this. I’m also only applying for one teaching job, just to see. Like a sessional gig, not a full time job. It’s a job that requires almost all of my technical skills, so that’s exciting because I know that’s a very specific kind of person who could teach that course. Also it would be good for me to get more income in this house. It wouldn’t pay me enough to live, but with that AND the regular ongoing income I get from my film career, I think it could work out. So I am hopeful for that. But also hopefully whoever is hiring isn’t reading this and feeling pressured into hiring me. Because really I could make it either way. BUT this is a cool job and would help for a few months AND I know all about all the things for it.
Posey and I have been enjoying the change of seasons. Her little green sweater is coming out with us again. When I got her from her breeder, she came with the sweater. Like, it’s a specifically “female” dog anatomy sweater because there’s no long bare spot where a penis would go. And sweaters and coats that cover an entire tummy don’t really exist for dogs, and I feel bad for her because she’s a smooth so her tummy is like, bare skin. Poor pup! Anyway, I’ve never found another sweater that covers her whole tummy, so mostly that’s been her winter clothes. That and her horse blanket jacket. But I have not really found an ideal dog jacket for her. There was this like, super fancy dachshund jacket store that I’ve looked extensively at, but the jackets are too pricey for us.
She would look like a really boogie dog if she had one of those jackets.
It’s weird thinking of who reads this blog. Like it’s really just such an overshare ridiculous blog and I don’t think I have any ambitious aims in writing it. It’s an outlet. I sometimes wonder what will happen when I pass away and the bills for this website stop getting paid and where this blog will disappear to. It’s been a writing project for a long time and some people talked with me about maybe making a book out of it. I tried to save up some posts that could be a good book but I think then I got to the year I had my last manic episode and got overwhelmed.
I’m busy with other projects. I got back into finishing my video game yesterday. FINALLY there is a specific bool for “IsConsensual” and you need consent to be able to feed on this particular character. And if you don’t have consent, you’re just draining her blood and not getting your needs met and eventually you’ll get staked. I was surprised actually how easy it was to program when I looked at the code for the other bool “InLove.” It just clicked so easy.
I also opened up the responses to my video game play testers form. Only one person responded (ugh! After all those people got a copy) BUT she gave really good responses and I know a couple other things I can fix now with the sound. Also I have to test the dialogue again on the build to make sure it’s not going too fast. So that’s good. I am trying to track down my other friend to see if she can help me build the image for the app. Like, the block you click on to open the app on a desktop computer. The ICON I guess, I dunno. I’m just a boy! I already know I just want it to be the vampire’s head.
Aside from that, trying to figure out what to do with my unwieldy debt I owe to the government and Visa. I’ve heard about some other people’s debt to the government tho and I am LUCKILY not that bad. It’s bad but like, I could get it down. I talked to a financial advisor but he gave me bad advice which could have ended up preventing me from getting a grant for seven years so like, NO I don’t think so. I just gotta make more money I guess. Like it’s not that I am handling my money completely wrong, it’s just that there isn’t a lot of it right now.
ALSO I really think this video game is SO CLOSE to being able to be released, and then people will see that I made something this past year. It’s very thankless tho, video games. Like, people might tell me about playing it. Or they might not say anything more likely. And then I’ll be wondering if there was an audience for it at all. My Bipolar Journey game got attention but it was also floating around for a long time. I did get featured on VICE for it tho. And I dunno, I could probably submit it to ImagineNATIVE next year because they have space for new media projects.