New York Citaaay!

I’m in New York City! My pups are being lovingly cared for back in Toronto. I’ve been here since Thursday and will be here until next Monday so I got another week here. I did the Tosquelles themed film series that I was programmed in at the Museum of the Moving Image and tomorrow morning I am going to go see the accompanying show for it at the American Folk Art Museum. So that will be fun. I saw the Jim Henson Exhibition at the MoMI and it was fucking AMAZING ha ha I saw Big Bird IN THE FEATHER and Miss Piggy and Kermit and many other celebs like some Fraggles and Statler and Waldorf and a Skeksi and also Sarah and the Goblin King’s costumes and the Goblin King STILL has a giant bulge ha ha. And I think also Cookie Monster and one of the otters in that jug band. Many muppets, many smiles from me ha ha. I showed in the same building as Jim Henson! I was in the same space as Big Bird!

Theo Cuthand in front of Big Bird
Star struck with Big Bird

I tell you that’s gonna be a highlight for a while.

I also went to MoMA PS1 and saw more great art. Today I used my Artist Lifetime Pass to the Whitney to go see the Whitney Biennial. I went from there to the Grand Central Oyster Bar and had twelve oysters and a swordfish steak which is probably the most expensive dinner I can kind of afford while I’m here. There were two oysters that were each the size of a chicken cutlet and I had to open my mouth really big to get it in. I almost had to bite them in half they were so big. I wanted to go there for my 46th birthday this year, but I was having passport delays (because of birth certificate delays) so this was my much delayed birthday dinner. So I don’t feel too guilty for spending that much money on oysters and swordfish.

I also got a latte and a tart au citron from the Whitney’s bakery and it was TOO MUCH MONEY. 31 Canadian dollars!!! I should have asked if members get a discount. But it was a great tart! But also I am swearing off eating in museum bakeries/cafes/restaurants from now on.

I stopped at a deli for a sandwich on my way to one of the screenings this weekend and it was way more reasonable. And I ordered burgers on Uber Eats when I was at the hotel, which was way cheaper too. So I think I just got to avoid the super pretentious places for eating. The Oyster bar is not pretentious but it is expensive.

Tomorrow afternoon we are going to a bagel place and then taking the ferry to the gay beach. Which will be exciting. I’ve been carrying around a stick of sunscreen AND using it AND a hat and I’ve managed to avoid burning myself except for the first day when I tried to take on the sun and lost. One day I wore my hat and it was so hot that it was literally WET with sweat and I had to take it off and let it dry during a screening. I also brought my cock hat but I was gonna save that for Pride weekend.

I have a ticket for a sexy cis and trans party on Pride weekend so I am excited about that. I also went to a gathering for the solstice the first night I was here. Tonight I went downstairs to hang out with the Union Docs lab people who were having a BBQ. And I should probably start winding down since I gotta get up early and go to the American Folk Art Museum.

I’ve been doing the subway while I am here which has been a lot better than I thought. I only got lost one time when I took two different wrong trains. But I found myself again! I think it’s been way faster to get around here on the subway, my Mom and I used to use cabs a lot but they always got stuck in traffic. If my Mom was here she would hate the subway though because she’s got a bad knee and there’s a shit ton of stairs and people walking fast. There are some accessible stations but not enough. Anyway, when we were in London in the fall we did take more public transit but it was hard and we could only go on routes that had minimal walking. While here I’ve been walking so much.

OMFG I keep forgetting to write about this! Well, I had hooked up with a guy back in Toronto and while we were fooling around his hand grazed my left side near my nipple and I swear to god there was an erotic sensation! It does feel like something is going on there. It kind of tingles when I touch it now, both sides actually. Not TOTALLY how my nipple used to feel before it was a graft, but it is closer to an erotic sensation. If I pinch it it hurts a bit which is a good sign. Although I knew I had deeper sensation anyway. But the surface being a tingle now is very encouraging for me. I hope when/if I get a revision on my sides that my sensation doesn’t get knocked back again. The other cool thing is the tingly part is even bigger than my nipple. It’s the skin around my nipple too. It’s a pretty wide area actually. So I’m feeling like maybe that sensation will come back.

It would be nice if it does. I’ve been unenthusiastic about letting guys play with my chest just because it was so numb for so long. But it’s been ten months now and I’m feeling like nerves are more connected than before.

Anyway New York has been fun so far, and Union Docs is showing my video game and my videos on Thursday so I am looking forward to that. I’m going to play a demo of my lesbian vampire game and then show some videos (or vice versa I dunno lol) and then the audience can take turns playing the game.

I also got some (very pricey) books from the MoMA PS1 bookstore, I got Revolution is Love: A year of Black Trans Liberation, and then I got Rest is Resistance: A Manifesto by Tricia Hersey which I am SUPER excited to read because I logically know sleep is helpful, but also feel so guilty sometimes if I need a nap. So maybe this will reinforce my respect of my own nap times.

I don’t remember if I wrote about this already, but the thrill of hook up culture is starting to leave me. I’m asking myself questions like “What if I had an ongoing relationship with someone who actually cared to learn about what makes me feel good and vice versa?” A lot of guys just seem to want to stick it in and I’m thinking maybe the Bottom label doesn’t work for me anymore because I want more attention on my cock than my hole now. I don’t know I would always like both being stimulated, but guys don’t really pay attention to my cock which is an issue and why I’m thinking dating for love might be better for me. There was one guy who was amazing at it though and I will probably hook up with him again. I guess it’s a learning curve? My therapist said maybe I should start teaching them what I want which is probably the best idea. Some guys are just selfish though and I need less of them coming over.

I have had more and more romantic feelings for men and men-adjacent people this last couple of years, but still not an actual romantic date with a masculine person. So I aspire to that at some point. It doesn’t mean I haven’t been asking people on romantic dates though, but no one has said yes yet, or not that particular group of people anyway. I was on Grindr the first night I was here but ugh I don’t really think I want a Grindr hookup here.

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