I did some major edits and got my script/diaries down to 21 minutes and 15 seconds, but actually once recorded and edited down (just silences and flubs) it was only 15 minutes. I decided to make a song for it, so I finally experimented with Logic Pro. I got it a while back and I used my Juno DS61 and my Telecaster to make a three track song. It’s got this synth thing going, a drum track from the synth, and then the guitar track. I was mostly recording stuff and then cutting out the parts that actually sounded good and putting them together. I might make more edits to it. I don’t know, but I used the pieces (stems?) in the audio track for my performance, so now there’s some musical elements. I think I might cut some of it back though. It’s a bit heavy handed now musically. Plus there’s one part I don’t think I like. BUT I still gotta get this video done for next Saturday, so I’m glad so much of it is together. I also downloaded some stock footage of shimmering light on water, so I’m going to try and do something creative with these two clips. I was showing my students all kinds of cool things you can do, and I really just need the images for the background, so it doesn’t have to be super fancy. it would be boring if this was the only footage and it was a final stand alone video. But who knows, if I like it maybe I’ll use my green screen and recreate the performance in front of it. I don’t know, it seems to say something. It’s funny because it’s all about my gender and coming to terms with it, but it ends when I get my first testosterone shot. And all the exciting stuff came after that. But maybe someone struggling with their gender will see it and relate. Or maybe trans people who have been out for longer will remember all those feelings while they were trying to figure out what to do.

It’s also funny because it’s almost four years since I got on testosterone, so my performing body has already had that much on T and had top surgery. I don’t know, maybe it will work. I guess! We’ll see.

I went to the witch store and got some candles, one is a white soy penis candle! So I think it will work out but I gotta do a temperature test of the other candles and see how much it’s going to hurt. I also have to time my story so I know which part to bring the knife play in. ALSO I gotta find my knife, I had a ceremonial knife I used, but I don’t remember where I put it. I might know. I have another knife which might work, but it’s more of a native ceremonial knife that I got as a 12 year old so I don’t want it to get confiscated at some point. Anyway, we’ll see I guess!

I’m real tired. Aside from that, I did manage to finish the polish on my feature script yesterday. So tomorrow I finalize the performance video stuff, and then Monday I head to Helsinki. My performance is at 7:30pm at the Trans Library on Saturday May 9. I haven’t checked out Helsinki Grindr yet. I’m sure it’s entertaining. I also did guitar class today, so that was fun. I am learning a bunch of new chords and they are all difficult! I mean, to remember. There’s def more than four. I’m still getting over my cold too, but I think I’m getting better. Last night I could sleep without being bothered by my stuffy nose, which was an improvement.

When I’m back from Helsinki I have to work on my climate doc, and after that I am working on my book and my other script. I want to get that script done by the end of the summer, and the book, well I just want to have a nice chunk of it done.

I do really love doing my career. Like it’s just an enjoyable thing, to be a creative person. I am thinking of applying to more teaching jobs though, just because it was nice to have a consistent income for a while. It did take a lot of time from my practice though. BUT also I did manage to finish a film during the semester so I can’t say it was impossible to make stuff. Either way I need more money all the time. And I guess also I am out of semi-retirement since I’m making stuff again. So retirement over? Ugh, I just want to be paid what I am worth and for art stuff I still often get underpaid or plain ripped off.