A Glut of Youtubing

Okay, so for some reason my blogging from Youtube is crap these days and won’t work. So, I’m going to try something different. Here are my recent favorite videos, perfect for a lazy Saturday afternoon.

Kittycat Dance

I wish Schrodinger danced.

Telling Truth Gently

(BTW, North American Genocide towards First Nations People killed 150 000 000 of us.)

Red Bull Music

One man with a can.

Andrew Imitates Bree Van De Kamp Having an Orgasm

(but she actually never had one until Season 3 Episode 1)
The acrimonious relationship between uptight Bree and her gay son Andrew kicks butt, and he’s coming back!! Last we saw of him she left him on the side of a road after he slept with her boyfriend, rumour has it he’s been supporting himself as a hustler.

Parker Posey Desperately Seeks a Bumblebee

Classic scene from Best In Show, I’m embarrassed to say I too looked desperately for a particular dog squeaky toy, a pig to be exact. I made mom go to five different pet shops in town. No piggie, they got squeaky hamburgers instead.

Remember remember the Groove of November

Deanna introduced me to V for Vendetta and I have to say it kicks ass. But every anarchist/revolutionary needs some downtime, and this is V’s.

Apparently I am “fat” that needs to be trimmed

I’ve lost nine pounds. I consider this an achievement. However now my identity itself is considered fat, if you believe Stephen Harper’s recent defense of his budget cuts which have been targeted towards women, minorities, poor/working class people, the arts, the environment, health care, and education, among many other things I am still researching. We have a 13.2 billion dollar surplus, yet Harper’s alliances to the so called middle class, big business, and oil and gas companies have been given top priority.

This list is by no means exhaustive, but here are some of the programs which have been cut (either partially or entirely):
Adult literacy programs.
Child care and development.
Arts and museum funding.
First Nations and Inuit Tobacco Control Strategy (non aboriginal stop smoking programs have not been affected).
The Status of Women.
Pine Beetle Management (Pine beetles are threatening to destroy most of the forests in British Columbia’s interior).
Medical Marijuana research.
Youth International Internship Program.
The Court Challenges Program (an organization which advances federal court cases relating to language and equality rights)
Employment Initiatives.
Technology partnerships Canada (which funds high tech research and development)
15 Kyoto related programs
Canada Mortgage and Housing Corporation
Funding for softwood-lumber trade litigation
Elimination of National Defence High-Frequency Surface Wave Radar Project
Elimination of Centre for Research and Information on Canada
Canada Firearms Centre
Museum assistance
Elimination of the RCMP drug-impaired-driving program’s training budget
Law Commission of Canada

Not only that, but only Canada and Russian OUT OF THE ENTIRE WORLD declined to sign/participate in the Draft Declaration on the Rights of Indigenous Peoples.

Now, I know people bitch about taxes, people ALWAYS bitch about taxes. But to be perfectly honest, I get creeped out when someone swoops into office promising to cut taxes because A) Tax cuts are aimed at the wealthy; and B) Tax cuts are subsidized by the poor. And this is a clear example.

Technically we could have this racist/sexist/ignorant/redneck asshole in office until 2011. I don’t want to wait that long, dammit. Only 36% of us were stupid enough to vote for him, and hopefully he’ll lose a vote of confidence and all our MP’s can paddle his ass on the way out, which means an election would happen in 2007 or 2008. I’m not confident in him, that’s for sure. He’s shown where his priorities lie, as if we didn’t know before. I mean, my god, even Joe Clark doesn’t like this new Conservative party (which is really the Reform party with a new name). HOWEVER the Conservatives are trying to amend the election act to make elections fixed, which means we couldn’t boot him out until 2009 at the earliest. How much more damage can they wreak on Canada in three more years?

Oh you don’t even want to know.

So, if you’re a concerned Canadian, let him know. Emails are good but tactically phone calls are more effective. If you’re not Canadian, write anyway, hell, let him know he’s making Canada look bad in the global sphere.

Rt. Hon. Stephen Harper
Office of the Prime Minister
80 Wellington Street
Ottawa, K1A 0A2
Phone: (613) 992-4211
E-mail: pm@pm.gc.ca

PostScript:
Since we don’t have quit smoking programs anymore, Natives will still be buying smokes. HOWEVER the Imperial tobacco company has decided to discriminate against First Nations stores carrying tobacco and thusly we will be paying more for our smokes from them. The brands involved are Players, Du maurier, Cameo, Avanti, and Peter Jackson. Already I’ve noticed Aboriginal stores running out of these brands due to a lack of effective distribution. I encourage all Aboriginal people and our allies who are still unable to quit smoking to switch brands. I’ve given up Du Maurier for Export A, which I actually like better.

Bukwas on Entertainment Tonight

The other night I was innocently reading a book about a manic depressive who committed art fraud, went to prison, and then had electroshock treatments when my mother inturrupted my revery by saying, “Look at her! She looks like Bukwas!”

Maria Shriver was on television.

In case you don’t remember, she looks like this.

And this is Bukwas:

I must say, the resemblance is striking. For those of you not up on your kwakiutl mythology, Bukwas is a wild man cannibal who lives in the woods. Contemporary Sasquatchologists (I think I just made that word up) say Bukwas is a Sasquatch.

Hmmm . . .

Bloody Buggery Hell!

My Youtube posts still haven’t come in. Poop. Oh well, there’s not too much I can do about it.

Cree class was mucho fun. I learned a bazillion new words and all about the five dialects of Cree spoken, including Y, Th, N, L, and R. I learned that there are no capital letters in Cree, and in the Y, Th, and N dialects there are no L’s or R’s. So why are we called Cree? It’s a shortened form of the French word for us, Kiristenaux, which means Christian. Why did they call us that? Dude, don’t ask me. Our real name is nehiyaw. I learned that the Cree word for fire is iskotew, which also means woman’s heart. Also the Cree language changed post contact, reserve land is not called aski, which means land, it is called askihkan, which means land that is not real, or iskonikan which means land that is leftover. okimaw, which means leader, became okimahkan, which means fake leader. Likewise councellor (I’m assuming it was wiyssowew) became wiyssowehkan which means fake councellor. The words I have just written aren’t totally correct since blogger doesn’t do roman orthographics, or else I just haven’t figured out how to type it on here.

If you would like to know more Cree words, go to the Saskatchewan Indian Cultural Centre (which incidentally is also mandated to preserve the other languages of Saskachewan, Dene, Lakota, Dakota, Nakota, and Nakawe). They have various words, simple phrases, and audio files for the correct pronunciation.

At work I also learned the true origins of Hochelaga, the commonly accepted aboriginal name of Montreal. In fact, that is not what the Mohawks called it. When Cartier landed he went about his european way of showing peace by shaking hands with everyone. Trying to figure out what these bizarre furry smelly people were, they collapsed two words together, Osha which means hand, and aga which means people. Osha Aga, the hand shaking people. Later on the sailors were trying to figure out who they met and because they heard them saying this word they decided those people and that place was Hochelaga.

Goddamn French!

Canada’s origin is even funnier. Kanata was the word for village, and aja (?) was the word for sitting someplace. White people showed up, came to the villages, and just started sitting around and never left, so they called them squatters, Kanatja, literally village sitters.

Possibly the most romantic sounding cree word that I learned is achakasa ka-akohpit, which means he uses the stars as a blanket.

But the most common Cree word I heard as a child was awass! Awass means go away. Which is what I must do right now.

I heart Marcia Cross

Dudes, my damn blogs from Youtube have yet to come in. But I liked this shot of Marcia anyway so I wanted to share. I don’t have many/any crusholas in Saskatoon, except on the television.

Today was a good day to start my new job, I really like it, it’s interesting and cool to be working in a production office for a while, until I move over to the law office. I had a really hard time going to sleep last night, mostly because I have a cold and was coughing and coughing, bleah. I’m trying to get my shit together about grants and so forth, AND writing, AND nailing down my producer, and the possibility of going to Vancouver for a week this fall to do a shoot and edit for the porno if my star and I can get there at the same time.

Tomorrow Cree class starts!!!! I’m going to take my little tape recorder to my Grampa’s and have him say all the Cree words I’ll be learning so that I can pronounce them properly.

Time to go to bed. Night all.

Madeline Kahn’s Orgy

I love Madeline Kahn, I hope I get to meet her when I die. She’ll be the first person I ask to see. This is my favorite scene of hers from History Of The World. Enjoy!

Marshall McLuhan Moment

Just for fun I am posting one of my favorite links from Megan Morman’s site, The Canadian Art Gossip Generator. Everytime I see it it makes me laugh. For the full experience I recommend eating cheese and drinking cheap wine while visiting.

The Canadian Art Gossip Generator

I’ve been checking out who has been reading this blog (well, sort of, I only know where their isp is). So far I’ve seen visitors from Norway, Spain, Austrailia, New Zealand, Saudia Arabia, India, Japan, the UK, Germany, the Netherlands, America, Romania and Poland. So I tip my hats to you, international readers. It’s such a warm Marshall McLuhan Moment.

I’d also like to highlight a blog this week by Mukhtaran Bibi, a Pakistani woman who was sentenced by a tribal council to be gangraped for a crime her brother committed. This is her blog, this is part of her blog in english, and this is her wikipedia entry.

I’d also like to mention the fact that under our current Prime Minister, Canada now has a very clear target painted on our country. While before terrorists probably did consider Canada as a target, we were at least quasi uninvolved with the current crisis in the Middle East fueled by some oil hungry texas cowboy. But now that we’re in Afghanistan, we’re fucked. A lot of Canadians are really unhappy that we’re there, but I’ve also noticed an increase in yellow ribbons on trees and bumpers. Every other day some new dead Canadian shows up on the local paper who’s been killed in combat. Personally (and I know many other people who would agree), I’d rather see our armed forces working in peacekeeping and humanitarian missions globally, not contributing to escalating cycles of violence. And I know, one day a major terrorist attack is going to hit Canada. And I won’t be surprised, I won’t blame a whole nation/religion, I won’t ask why, if there is anyone to blame it’s our government for taking us into a war we shouldn’t be a part of. All I hope is that no one I love gets hurt. Hopefully in our next election we can get Stephen Harper out of office.

Stephen Harper’s a clown. The most bad ass Prime Minister we had post Trudeau was Jean Chretien. Yes, he put pepper on his plate, but he also fought off an assasin at 24 Sussex Drive with an Inuit sculpture on loan from the Art Bank.

Come on, First Nations Art saves the Prime Minister! That is an awesome headline.

Which brings me to more headlines I hope to see someday.

Rearview Dreamcatchers Deter Auto Theft

Recently Discovered Kinsey Report Says Aboriginals Make The Best Lovers

Natives Repatriate 24 Tonnes of Gold From Spain

Jim Morrison Found In Hiding On Pine Ridge Reservation

Native Land Claims Settlement For Manhattan, Rockerfellers Get Beads

I have my meds again, no brain shocks today!!! I feel much happier. I’m also juggling two scripts now, my big one and a shorter comedy titled Love Medicine Number Nine. I like it when I write and make myself laugh.

See ya later my global readers.

Killer Condom

This is my all time favorite horror flick. I was telling a not so bright coworker about it and he just started talking about how stupid it is and he would laugh at it. Um . . . it’s a comedy. You’re SUPPOSED to laugh at it.

Luigi Macaroni is a gay New York detective set on discovering why men keep getting their penises chopped off. Along the way he meets a cute hustler and his ex-trick and coworker now transitioning and going by the name Babette. As a send up of America, it is priceless, most notably the scene where Luigi’s impressive member is proudly measured at 32 centimetres. The killer condom (kind of a misnomer since it’s actually a dismembering condom and never kills anyone) was designed by HR Geiger. Blood, gore, queers, sex workers, badly lipsynched songs like Teach Me Tiger, this film has it all. For those lucky folks in cities with decent video stores, go out and rent it! And smoke some joints while you watch it.

Weekends mean something again

I’m starting a new job doing research for a book on residential schools (not my book). I’m excited to have a job again, especially one that means something. I have to say, much as I love contemporary art, sometimes I just think we keep cranking out shite. Maybe I’m jaded or bitter or something, I guess I just lean towards activist/political work.

I start work on Monday, it’s a six month contract so I’ll be able to save up cash to move to Toronto in April. Yay! Moving! Yay! Desperate Housewives is on sunday night! BREE does something smutty!!! Das ist schmutzig! I was hoping it was anal, but now I’m thinking it’s oral. Poor Bree, to go through her whole life without oral sex just because she’s Republican? NOW we know why Republicans are fucked.

I also decided since I’m going to be learning about residential schools in my new job I should do something Native and empowering, so I will start taking conversational Cree classes. They are every Tuesday night, which is good because there’s nothing on television I will be missing. I wish I could speak more languages than English. If I had my druthers I would be fluent in Cree, German, and French. I’ve been meaning to learn German for ages, and only recently since moving back to my ancestral territory have I had the chance to learn Cree in ages and ages.

Ugh, I ran out of antidepressants and Lamictal, so I’ve been having brain shocks for a couple of days. If you’re unfamiliar with this condition, it’s common for people withdrawing from psychiatric medications, specifically anti-depressants. Your brain literally pulses and throbs in a really painful way, while also temporarily obliterating thought and the ability to process information. My brain shocks happen about once every five minutes. It’s gross, ugh, I hate it. Paxil is the worst one for shocks though, Paxil shocks also carry a mild electrical charge with them that run through your entire body. It’s even worse than licking a nine volt battery. (If you’re wondering why I know, it’s because I have licked a nine volt battery) Not as bad as getting a bare wire charge, but ALOT worse than medium Violet Wand play. Anyway, tomorrow I will be getting more medication, thank god. No more brain shocks for me.

The death toll for Americans in Iraq and Afghanistan has now totalled more than the number of people killed on September 11. For us Canadians who have just started fighting a fucked war, our troop deaths have more than surpassed the number of Canadians killed on September 11. And that’s just the deaths, think how many people are coming back maimed physically and mentally. I haven’t even seen a recent count of how many civilian deaths these two wars have caused, except that it’s obviously exponentially larger than September 11.

I know I bash George w. Bush on here a lot, but I really do need to take some time to bash Stephen Harper. Hmm, where to start? How about that he slashed increased childcare by proposing to give $1200 per child a year to parents. How much daycare can $1200 pay for? Monthly daycare in Montreal is $205, while Toronto is $800. Yep, that 1200 is gonna go real far. Harper said Israel’s attack on Lebanon was measured and they had a right to stick up for themselves. He took us to Afghanistan to fight a war that is none of our business. He’s still trying to figure out how to eliminate queer marriage. And he lets Bush call him Steve. Ugh. Okay, I’ll write something more kick ass on why he sucks later. But really, UGH! Look at him, he’s so soulless. He’s got cold shark eyes. Like that Pope, don’t trust that Pope either.

I’m trying to figure out what to go as for Halloween. The options are: Lenore, Bree Van De Kamp, The Black Dahlia, Danica Talos, or some kind of femme vampire. I’m going for Femme this year, because they scare me the most as cute as they are. Plus I look hot as a femme and I don’t do drag much. Lenore would be cute, but it would lack the sex appeal I’m going for. That being said, there’s not anyone around here I’m trying to appeal to.

Die-die, Sweetly Die

I’ve had a massive vampire fetish since I was fourteen years old, just a few months before I came out. Dracula was in the theatres and I grooved on the soundtrack. But the sex appeal of vampires took a while to develop. It wasn’t until I read an academic book about lesbian representation in cinema (yes, I was fourteen and nerdy) and started drooling over pictures of old lesbian vampire movies that I really started going. I hit EVERY second hand bookshop in town until I found Sheridan Le Fanu’s Carmilla (which predates Dracula BTW) which I endlessly read OVER and OVER. (If only we had the internet, you can read it here.)

She used to place her pretty arms about my neck, draw me to her, and laying her cheek to mine, murmur with her lips near my ear, ‘Dearest, your little heart is wounded; think me not cruel because I obey the irresistible law of my strength and weakness; if your dear heart is wounded, my wild heart bleeds with yours. In the rapture of my enormous humiliation I live in your warm life, and vou shall die-die, sweetly die- into mine. I cannot help it; as I draw near to you, you, in your turn, will draw near to others, and learn the rapture of that cruelty, which yet is love; so, for a while, seek to know no more of me and mine, but trust me with all your loving spirit.’
-Carmilla

So literary vampirism started out VERY lesbian. Then moved into exploitation movies where lesbian vampires always bit breasts. WHY when the neck is so sexy and has those great veins?

I read the entire Vampire Chronicles. Not much lesbo action, but there was a vicarious thrill to read about sexy immortal gay boys and their dramas.

Parker Posey is not a lesbian vampire in Blade Trinity (or is she?), and the movie itself is rather stupid, I don’t know how she was expected to work with such atrocious dialogue. The best thing to do when watching this movie is just admire Parker Posey’s sexy vampire styles, especially the scene where she has vampire sex. Man, Parker Posey AND Vampires!!? That’s true love!!! My first girlfriend had fangs, I used to call her my vampire, she was so adorable. She didn’t eat meat though so I think convincing her to do bloodplay was completely out of the question.

Later on in life (okay, four years later) I read Macho Sluts by Pat Califia and totally got off on the vampire story in it. Fucked if I can remember what it’s called.

Lesbian vampires are popular again, and nowadays instead of wanting to be the victim I want to be the vampire. As Patrick Califia states:

It would be even better to be able to rise each evening free from depression or hesitation, to choose a new beloved and stalk them, savoring the perfume of their fear, then pin them down for a final fuck that ends with a painfully prolonged ejaculation and arterial spurting. Whooooooooeeeeeeee!!

That all being said, if Parker Posey stalked me down an alley and pounced, I’d just roll with it. Who am I to argue a cutie like that with teeth like THESE???

I looked for some hot lesbo vampire video, and the best I could find is Allyssa Milano as a lesbian vampire in Embrace of The Vampire.