I tried really hard to stay home as much as possible this summer, because I knew I was gonna spend a lot of time out of the country this year. But today my dog went to her sitter for the rest of the year while I start the first of three trips. There’s two this month to the USA. Then next month I’m in Austria until the end of the year doing a residency. I’m gonna have people checking on my place so I’m not totally abandoning it or anything. Anyway. I packed today, and charged my trusty hitachi, and did my dishes so there’s nothing gross growing in the sink while I’m gone. I am coming back soon though, for long enough to attend ImagineNATIVE as just an audience member. No tensions! Just films!
I also managed to work out seeing my therapist throughout these trips. I think since I am maintaining a residence in Ontario it’s fine. We had a session back when I was in New Orleans, the internet was terrible but hopefully the wifi in Vienna is better. If it’s not I’ll hotspot my phone I guess. I’m going to buy a sim card while I’m there so that I don’t have to pay roaming charges.
I miss my pup already.
Tomorrow I go to Boulder Colorado. I don’t remember if I’ve been to Colorado before. I’ve been to a lot of Western states but I don’t know if that was included.
I hope my dog is ok. She is spending time with a larger dog and has issues.
I’ve watched all the tarot youtubes there are to watch. And I realize it just makes me spin around in circles. No one really knows whose reading that is. Like sometimes I will try to make it fit but then it doesn’t. I miss when I used to pull cards on my own. I do think I’ve learned a lot more about how to interpret the cards with all the reads I have watched, so maybe going back to doing my own reads would be a good practice. I don’t read for other people very often but when I have it’s been sort of accurate? I don’t know.
I miss my ex. And I restricted their access to my fb (not unfriending though) and I just wonder if it’s doing the right thing or not. I’m mostly feeling sad about them being able to see my posts while not posting or revealing much on their end. I would feel more ok if I knew they were sharing parts of their life with me. But you know, I mean, they don’t want me in their life. So you would think restricting them from seeing most posts would make me feel ok. But no I feel sad about not being able to let them in anymore. Unless something changes.
I had crazy horny times today, which surprised me because T day is on Monday, and that’s only two days away. So my levels should be going down. But I came like, a ridiculous amount of times today, like four or five times. It was INTENSE!!!! I’m starting to see why some trans guys complain about their dicks getting sore. I didn’t expect it to be this ridiculous. I mean I was warned, my friends told me what it’s like to be this horny. But like I was considering casual sex finally and going on apps a little bit and who knows what will happen. If all goes well I should be able to have a hookup later this week. But yeah. INTENSE!!! Also I’ve discovered I’m a bit of an exhibitionist and keep taking pics of my dick to send to guys on apps or post on Fetlife. So that’s been fun.
I was having some depression this week, I just had a lot on my mind. But oddly enough this desire to go fuck around is making me less depressed. I just feel like maybe I can finally start doing sexy stuff again and regardless if it leads to a relationship or not, it would be nice to touch someone and get touched. I don’t know what I am gonna do in Vienna. I suppose I could see who is on Scruff and Grindr over there. But would we speak the same language?
I’m getting better at understanding German. I can understand some sentences, and I can read more. Not big words. But like I was looking at a pic the other day and I could read the German subtitle that went with it. So something is sticking. It would be nice to practice German while I’m in Vienna. I asked my ex if they would practice German with me since they are fluent, but then our situationship which was at the time more of a friendship fell apart. It’s not like I have no one to practice with though, I do know a lot of German speakers. Plus omg I was so shy to talk to them in German cause I know I only speak like, baby tourist German. Wo ist der Kellner? Sprechen sie Deutsch? I mean I am starting to get more words, but I’m still way down in the Duolingo German tree, or way up, whichever way has less modules finished.