I’m going up to 60mg of testosterone on Monday, which is an average dose for a lot of trans guys. So that is exciting. I am in male range now, but I think going higher will get me more masculinization. So I am looking forward to this. I remember when I went up to 50mg I noticed my voice did a sharp drop within a week. That was pretty cool.

I have been thinking a lot about how going on testosterone has changed the way I approach dating. I am A LOT more laid back about it. Like I can date multiple people now and not feel really obsessed about a person or possessive. I feel like I am way less jealous too which is nice. I also changed my priorities because for so long I was looking for a partner to live with and have children. And now I don’t want children, and although I could still live with someone, I don’t feel it’s necessary for me anymore. It would have to be a serious connection because I’m worried about losing access to stable housing if we broke up and I had to move out of the co-op. But so far everyone I am dating is also very laid back and not looking to cohabitate, so that’s good.

It makes me miss my ex though, because I was so not the right type of partner for them at the time we were dating. And now I think I could possibly fit in with them better. For one thing I wasn’t dating anyone else and they had some serious relationships, so I was all focused on them and pretty needy. And I know it’s ok to be needy, but I think I overwhelmed them. While the way I am dating people now involves giving everyone a lot more space than I was able to before testosterone. I don’t mind so much when someone takes hours/days to message me back. Especially as my career has required more and more of my time and focus because sometimes I can’t message back for hours or days either.

Although I don’t know maybe if I met them again I would turn into a pest. I was/am pretty heavy in love with that person and it’s not going away and what if I just latched onto them again?

Another interesting thing I’ve noticed about being on testosterone is my ability to date different genders has expanded a lot. Before it was SO NARROW. Femmes only! But now I could date lots of kinds of people including cis and trans guys.

I haven’t fallen in love with anyone new for a while, but that seems to be ok. Some people I am super curious about have potential. I’m trying to just be open to life I guess.

I haven’t had a ton of sex on T yet, but that’s mostly due to medical reasons and not a lack of desire. Desire for sure has increased overall. I have had TONS of orgasms on my own though ha ha and those definitely improved after testosterone too. They are way longer for one thing which has been really nice. And a bit easier to have. I’m trying to learn how to communicate around sex and kink more effectively. I’ve gone into sexual relationships all wrong for most of my adult life where I wouldn’t really get into specifics about what I wanted, so then obviously I wouldn’t have the kind of sex I wanted. I’ve been improving but I’m realizing I need to really work on it. Like I need an elevator pitch or something for the sex I want to have. Especially on Grindr because they are very upfront about what they want there and always ask about it.

BUT ALSO I do need at least one partner who wants to explore a bunch of things with me. Because I have a LONG list of things I want to do. And also I need to be more experienced as a top, which I have had very limited experience in. Mostly I’ve been a bottom. Anyway blah blah blah ha ha I just want my sex life to elevate.