Things I’m Liking

I think my voice deepened this week again. I took my first dose of 60mg on Monday so it’s still very early on this higher dose, but I noticed when I went up to 50mg a while back my voice dropped in a couple days and it seems to have happened again. It’s probably my favourite testosterone effect so far because my voice started changing so early.

TMI for the next paragraph:

I had a dream I was touching my dick and it was big, not cis big but trans big. I remember feeling pretty happy about it. And then I was curious about what was going on down there so I took a pic and it IS a lot bigger than the last time I checked. It made me feel pretty happy, bottom growth was something I was excited about. I’m hopeful I can use it soon with someone else.

Unrelated to my dick, I started seeing a personal trainer at the YMCA and we’ve had two sessions so far. She already noticed progress in the second session. I was able to do more pushups, and I could hold a plank for a longer time. In fact even the first time we met up I realized I was able to do things I hadn’t been able to do before. Like the plank, I could sort of do a regular plank but only on my knees, and now I can do them on my toes and hold it for longer. Also I can do pushups way easier, it was funny because the last time I did them with her I felt like I could go longer if I wanted to. And we went from 2 sets of 12 reps in the first session to 3 sets of 15 reps in the second session. So I’ve been watching my muscles finally start to get bigger and that’s been super cool.

It’s way more motivating to work out when you can see your body changing into something you want. And I think honestly I always did want masculine musculature more than what women’s bodies look like typically, so before working out was kinda meh. Also it just FEELS good to work out so that’s cool. I try to go to the gym three times a week including the one day I see the trainer. I don’t want to go every day, but also it’s close enough that it’s more or less convenient to go, and my schedule is so varied that there’s generally enough free time to go.

I’ve got an idea for an art project that is making me laugh a lot and people are helping me out. I don’t know that I will release it under my name though because of reasons. But it’s still been really fun to suddenly get an idea and figure out how to execute it without a grant.

I’m still working on my video game. I had some kind of error happen and now the dialogue manager doesn’t work on my street scene, so I have to get it fixed somehow. The version of Pixel Crushers Dialogue System I was using just got improved though so I am hoping the new version works better for me. Although tbh I don’t know if I was able to download the new one. I tried!

I’m coming up to near the end of my residency at McMaster. End of the semester I will be done! Also I am going to Syracuse next month, and then also next month is my vacation with my friend!!! To San Diego and Joshua Tree! I’ve never been to either place so I’m pretty excited, also I need to be somewhere sunny. The snow just kept hitting us this month and it was getting so tiresome.

I feel like the changes I’ve gotten on T have made me feel a bit more confident about dating guys. I don’t know why I don’t feel weird about dating women and non-binary people, but guys make me wary because I don’t want to be with straight guys who are mentally misgendering me so they can sleep with me. I feel like my voice and having more muscles makes me feel I’m more obviously a guy. Not that it matters anyway because I haven’t been able to have sex for a while because of reasons. BUT SOMEDAY I will have sex again and I want to feel confident in my body when that happens.

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