Madeline Kahn’s Orgy
I love Madeline Kahn, I hope I get to meet her when I die. She’ll be the first person I ask to see. This is my favorite scene of hers from History Of The World. Enjoy!
Marshall McLuhan Moment
Just for fun I am posting one of my favorite links from Megan Morman’s site, The Canadian Art Gossip Generator. Everytime I see it it makes me laugh. For the full experience I recommend eating cheese and drinking cheap wine while visiting.
The Canadian Art Gossip Generator
I’ve been checking out who has been reading this blog (well, sort of, I only know where their isp is). So far I’ve seen visitors from Norway, Spain, Austrailia, New Zealand, Saudia Arabia, India, Japan, the UK, Germany, the Netherlands, America, Romania and Poland. So I tip my hats to you, international readers. It’s such a warm Marshall McLuhan Moment.
I’d also like to highlight a blog this week by Mukhtaran Bibi, a Pakistani woman who was sentenced by a tribal council to be gangraped for a crime her brother committed. This is her blog, this is part of her blog in english, and this is her wikipedia entry.
I’d also like to mention the fact that under our current Prime Minister, Canada now has a very clear target painted on our country. While before terrorists probably did consider Canada as a target, we were at least quasi uninvolved with the current crisis in the Middle East fueled by some oil hungry texas cowboy. But now that we’re in Afghanistan, we’re fucked. A lot of Canadians are really unhappy that we’re there, but I’ve also noticed an increase in yellow ribbons on trees and bumpers. Every other day some new dead Canadian shows up on the local paper who’s been killed in combat. Personally (and I know many other people who would agree), I’d rather see our armed forces working in peacekeeping and humanitarian missions globally, not contributing to escalating cycles of violence. And I know, one day a major terrorist attack is going to hit Canada. And I won’t be surprised, I won’t blame a whole nation/religion, I won’t ask why, if there is anyone to blame it’s our government for taking us into a war we shouldn’t be a part of. All I hope is that no one I love gets hurt. Hopefully in our next election we can get Stephen Harper out of office.
Stephen Harper’s a clown. The most bad ass Prime Minister we had post Trudeau was Jean Chretien. Yes, he put pepper on his plate, but he also fought off an assasin at 24 Sussex Drive with an Inuit sculpture on loan from the Art Bank.
Come on, First Nations Art saves the Prime Minister! That is an awesome headline.
Which brings me to more headlines I hope to see someday.
Rearview Dreamcatchers Deter Auto Theft
Recently Discovered Kinsey Report Says Aboriginals Make The Best Lovers
Natives Repatriate 24 Tonnes of Gold From Spain
Jim Morrison Found In Hiding On Pine Ridge Reservation
Native Land Claims Settlement For Manhattan, Rockerfellers Get Beads
I have my meds again, no brain shocks today!!! I feel much happier. I’m also juggling two scripts now, my big one and a shorter comedy titled Love Medicine Number Nine. I like it when I write and make myself laugh.
See ya later my global readers.
Killer Condom
This is my all time favorite horror flick. I was telling a not so bright coworker about it and he just started talking about how stupid it is and he would laugh at it. Um . . . it’s a comedy. You’re SUPPOSED to laugh at it.
Luigi Macaroni is a gay New York detective set on discovering why men keep getting their penises chopped off. Along the way he meets a cute hustler and his ex-trick and coworker now transitioning and going by the name Babette. As a send up of America, it is priceless, most notably the scene where Luigi’s impressive member is proudly measured at 32 centimetres. The killer condom (kind of a misnomer since it’s actually a dismembering condom and never kills anyone) was designed by HR Geiger. Blood, gore, queers, sex workers, badly lipsynched songs like Teach Me Tiger, this film has it all. For those lucky folks in cities with decent video stores, go out and rent it! And smoke some joints while you watch it.
Weekends mean something again
I’m starting a new job doing research for a book on residential schools (not my book). I’m excited to have a job again, especially one that means something. I have to say, much as I love contemporary art, sometimes I just think we keep cranking out shite. Maybe I’m jaded or bitter or something, I guess I just lean towards activist/political work.
I start work on Monday, it’s a six month contract so I’ll be able to save up cash to move to Toronto in April. Yay! Moving! Yay! Desperate Housewives is on sunday night! BREE does something smutty!!! Das ist schmutzig! I was hoping it was anal, but now I’m thinking it’s oral. Poor Bree, to go through her whole life without oral sex just because she’s Republican? NOW we know why Republicans are fucked.
I also decided since I’m going to be learning about residential schools in my new job I should do something Native and empowering, so I will start taking conversational Cree classes. They are every Tuesday night, which is good because there’s nothing on television I will be missing. I wish I could speak more languages than English. If I had my druthers I would be fluent in Cree, German, and French. I’ve been meaning to learn German for ages, and only recently since moving back to my ancestral territory have I had the chance to learn Cree in ages and ages.
Ugh, I ran out of antidepressants and Lamictal, so I’ve been having brain shocks for a couple of days. If you’re unfamiliar with this condition, it’s common for people withdrawing from psychiatric medications, specifically anti-depressants. Your brain literally pulses and throbs in a really painful way, while also temporarily obliterating thought and the ability to process information. My brain shocks happen about once every five minutes. It’s gross, ugh, I hate it. Paxil is the worst one for shocks though, Paxil shocks also carry a mild electrical charge with them that run through your entire body. It’s even worse than licking a nine volt battery. (If you’re wondering why I know, it’s because I have licked a nine volt battery) Not as bad as getting a bare wire charge, but ALOT worse than medium Violet Wand play. Anyway, tomorrow I will be getting more medication, thank god. No more brain shocks for me.
The death toll for Americans in Iraq and Afghanistan has now totalled more than the number of people killed on September 11. For us Canadians who have just started fighting a fucked war, our troop deaths have more than surpassed the number of Canadians killed on September 11. And that’s just the deaths, think how many people are coming back maimed physically and mentally. I haven’t even seen a recent count of how many civilian deaths these two wars have caused, except that it’s obviously exponentially larger than September 11.
I know I bash George w. Bush on here a lot, but I really do need to take some time to bash Stephen Harper. Hmm, where to start? How about that he slashed increased childcare by proposing to give $1200 per child a year to parents. How much daycare can $1200 pay for? Monthly daycare in Montreal is $205, while Toronto is $800. Yep, that 1200 is gonna go real far. Harper said Israel’s attack on Lebanon was measured and they had a right to stick up for themselves. He took us to Afghanistan to fight a war that is none of our business. He’s still trying to figure out how to eliminate queer marriage. And he lets Bush call him Steve. Ugh. Okay, I’ll write something more kick ass on why he sucks later. But really, UGH! Look at him, he’s so soulless. He’s got cold shark eyes. Like that Pope, don’t trust that Pope either.
I’m trying to figure out what to go as for Halloween. The options are: Lenore, Bree Van De Kamp, The Black Dahlia, Danica Talos, or some kind of femme vampire. I’m going for Femme this year, because they scare me the most as cute as they are. Plus I look hot as a femme and I don’t do drag much. Lenore would be cute, but it would lack the sex appeal I’m going for. That being said, there’s not anyone around here I’m trying to appeal to.
Die-die, Sweetly Die
I’ve had a massive vampire fetish since I was fourteen years old, just a few months before I came out. Dracula was in the theatres and I grooved on the soundtrack. But the sex appeal of vampires took a while to develop. It wasn’t until I read an academic book about lesbian representation in cinema (yes, I was fourteen and nerdy) and started drooling over pictures of old lesbian vampire movies that I really started going. I hit EVERY second hand bookshop in town until I found Sheridan Le Fanu’s Carmilla (which predates Dracula BTW) which I endlessly read OVER and OVER. (If only we had the internet, you can read it here.)
She used to place her pretty arms about my neck, draw me to her, and laying her cheek to mine, murmur with her lips near my ear, ‘Dearest, your little heart is wounded; think me not cruel because I obey the irresistible law of my strength and weakness; if your dear heart is wounded, my wild heart bleeds with yours. In the rapture of my enormous humiliation I live in your warm life, and vou shall die-die, sweetly die- into mine. I cannot help it; as I draw near to you, you, in your turn, will draw near to others, and learn the rapture of that cruelty, which yet is love; so, for a while, seek to know no more of me and mine, but trust me with all your loving spirit.’
-Carmilla
So literary vampirism started out VERY lesbian. Then moved into exploitation movies where lesbian vampires always bit breasts. WHY when the neck is so sexy and has those great veins?
I read the entire Vampire Chronicles. Not much lesbo action, but there was a vicarious thrill to read about sexy immortal gay boys and their dramas.
Parker Posey is not a lesbian vampire in Blade Trinity (or is she?), and the movie itself is rather stupid, I don’t know how she was expected to work with such atrocious dialogue. The best thing to do when watching this movie is just admire Parker Posey’s sexy vampire styles, especially the scene where she has vampire sex. Man, Parker Posey AND Vampires!!? That’s true love!!! My first girlfriend had fangs, I used to call her my vampire, she was so adorable. She didn’t eat meat though so I think convincing her to do bloodplay was completely out of the question.
Later on in life (okay, four years later) I read Macho Sluts by Pat Califia and totally got off on the vampire story in it. Fucked if I can remember what it’s called.
Lesbian vampires are popular again, and nowadays instead of wanting to be the victim I want to be the vampire. As Patrick Califia states:
It would be even better to be able to rise each evening free from depression or hesitation, to choose a new beloved and stalk them, savoring the perfume of their fear, then pin them down for a final fuck that ends with a painfully prolonged ejaculation and arterial spurting. Whooooooooeeeeeeee!!
That all being said, if Parker Posey stalked me down an alley and pounced, I’d just roll with it. Who am I to argue a cutie like that with teeth like THESE???
I looked for some hot lesbo vampire video, and the best I could find is Allyssa Milano as a lesbian vampire in Embrace of The Vampire.
24 minutes left of the day, FOUR POSTS!
Hey dudes, trying to squish on some more fly content before the end of . . . um, tuesday.
This is my favorite cousin Deanna wearing Schrodinger’s crinkle tunnel (which he never plays with by the way) standing in my old apartment before I got kicked out for getting a weiner dog.
And this is my cute cute cute kitten Schrodinger, when he first came home. He’s much bigger now of course.
MORE CUTE!
And this is my little WEINER BOY!!! Goofy bratwurst that he is. He hogs the middle of the bed.
I’m A Butterfly
I was doing narcissist googling and discovered the Anetia Thirza Butterfly, a relative of the Monarch. This is me:
I’m pretty, oh so pretty, still a super hot female . . .
Queers Fucking Eminem
This image is straight from a gay porn blog, titled, erm, gaypornblog.com.
Okay, I was wondering if I was the only Queer who has an aggressive erotic fixation on Eminem. Apparently NOT!!! Tristan Taormino’s openly discussed making Eminem her bitch. “Does my urge make me as depraved as he’s supposed to be? (My bitch says, “I am whatever you say I am.”)”
The Pet Shop Boys wrote a song called “The Night I Fell in Love” about a boy doing it with a famous rapper who sounds suspiciously like Mr. Mathers.
And Canadian Gay Icon Scott Thompson did his own Queered version of Slim Shady’s Stan (which was already pretty queer). “Dear mister ‘I’m too hardcore to come out of the closet cause I don’t wanna lose my street-cred with the homies, but inside I’m just an nsync lovin little giiirl!’ I can no longer continue with this one sided relationship Marshal, and I have therefore decided that this is the last you will ever hear from me.”
Any other Queers have lurid Eminem fantasies?
If Thirza Worked at Much Music
I’m in a goofy mood today. I got up early with the intention of diligently continuing my screenplay, but after reading the news I got goofy and started Youtubing various music videos. Why do I have writer’s block? Dunno, but I don’t think I really have it, I think I’m just hypo and easily distractable today.
On to the videos!!!
This is Gwen Stefani’s video for What you Waiting For? I love the song, and the video kicks butt. I think this video is somewhat of an indicator of what I want my next feature film to be, a full on lush Saturated technicolor fable with crazy period costumes glorifying femmes and butch dandies, maybe even a musical. Like the Cremaster Cycle only shorter. I shall call it The Menstruel Cycle.
Shoes, shoes, Oh my god, shoes. This is a current classic making waves on the internet. Let’s get some Shoes!! My shoes are over a year old. These shoes suck!!!!
I don’t know anything about this guy, but he is really funny. Presenting Gary Brolsma!
Okay, here’s another remix, Madonna Meets Gwen! Hung Up mixed with What You Waiting For, for a mix this is pretty awesome.
What You Hung Up (Jaques Lu Cont & Vinicious edit)
Annie Lennox was my idol from the age of two onwards. I charted her career for ages, and I think her early eighties look solidified my penchant for redheads. She made me feel like I could be a gender transgresser and still be goddamned sexy. Madonna never exemplified the ability to evolve personas of femininity the way Annie did. Here is her video for Little Bird, which depicts nearly every alter ego from her career, and shows them getting terribly out of hand, as alter egos are wont to do.
PEACHES!!! I was 4 feet away from her sweaty body at Dicks on Dicks in Vancouver. This is Set It Off, a must see for lovers of bush! (not George, just nice bush) Personally I love riots of pubes, and these pubes could storm the Bastille! I tried to find a version that didn’t sensor Motherfuckers, but alas. So when you sing along, be sure to sing Motherfuckers as loud as you can!
Because I love Tori Amos, and because I love her cover of Strange Little Girls, I include her video for it. It’s a female Bildungsroman!!! (okay, I also picked it because I’ve wanted to say that for ages)
Okay, since I posted about Courtney yesterday I have to post one of her videos. Let me tell you, it was a tough call between Miss World, Gold Dust Woman, and Violet, but I finally settled on Violet. I was also going to post Heart Shaped Box by Nirvana, but I didn’t want to detract from showing props to Hole, who really did get me through adolencense.
My film school background won’t let me NOT post Smashing Pumpkin’s Tonight Tonight, a lovely ode to Melies Voyage Dans Le Lune. Plus I love that song.
Okay, when I lost my virginity this was the Top of The Pops. I’m not posting it because it’s necessarily a good video, or even a good song, just because I’m weird. I lost it to the hottest girl in my grade, in the most conventional of lesbian first times, a girl-girl-boy threeway, although as I remember it the boy was mostly on the floor while she and I rolled around. We still chat by the way, the girl and I, not the boy, I don’t know what the hell happened to him after his house burnt down (I didn’t do it). By the way, the night we did it WAS a Saturday.
OKAY!!! I had to come back and re-edit this because I couldn’t in good concience leave it with such a crap video. In honour of my strange buttfucking crush on Eminem, I present my favorite video of his, Without Me. Oh, seems the RIAA made Youtube take it down. Well, it was either Without Me to the Village People, or this Harry Potter Without Me Fan vid. I think Draco makes a good Slim Shady.
AAAAND . . . everyone always asks me “Where can I see Ewan McGregor’s cock?” Okay, not always, but more than you would think. I keep directing them to Todd Haynes Velvet Goldmine, but I dunno, they can’t find it or whatever. For all who want to see Ewan’s dangling dick, here it is.
Last but not least, a short clip of Bjork talking about being sexy. And eggs.
Hell in a Handbag
Spike Lee is among millions who hate George W. Bush. Recently he called Bush America’s worst president in history, who is “taking us to hell in a handbag.” Much as I love anyone who slams Bush, I had to crack up at the notion of George tucking America into a Burberry handbag and trotting them all into the chaos of the Middle East, Katrina, and loss of civil liberties. How elegant, and oh so queer. Maybe it is a manbag?
I’ve neglected my blog in favour of following the dramas of other’s blogs, notably Feministing, who were involved in a blogger Brouhaha this week led by Ann Althouse, a self-described feminist who attacked Jessica of Feministing for posing in a picture with Bill Clinton where you could see her breasts. Covered, by a modest shirt. A woman with breasts! You don’t say!! While clinging to right wing “feminist” rhetoric, she proceeded to attack Jessica based solely on her looks and not her incredible work in blogging about international women’s issues. As it happens, Feministing is one of my favorite blogs right now. It’s got a perfect mix of humour and news that makes you want to whip out an AK-47. Plus it’s one of those refreshing feminist chronicles from a younger perspective, while I admire older feminism, things like anti-porn, anti-sex, anti-lesbian, anti-S/M feminists piss me off.
Either way, the comments threads went down in Blog history, eventually getting coverage from dozens of other blogs and Salon. All because of boobs.
What pissed me off the most was the way Althouse slammed Feministing as an unfeminist blog, based on boobage and her own twisted ideals of feminism. There were complaints about a t-shirt bearing Feministing’s logo (it’s a shot of boobs!!! Um, yeah, t-shirts are often chest shots because they cover your CHEST!). There were complaints about Feministing using Mud Flap girls for their logo (ignoring the fact that the girls are giving the finger).
I’m tired of people telling me what’s feminist and what isn’t. I consider myself a feminist. Yet I’m aware that several things about myself make others question my politics.
1. I am butch. I do not wear dresses, ever. I buy from the men’s section. I like femmes. I sometimes walk around with a banana down my pants. But my masculinity does not detract me from the struggles of women all over the world.
2. I like sex. I like all kinds of sex. I like vanilla sex. I like rough sex. I like BDSM sex. I like roleplaying sex where someone really does pretend to be a dude. I like porn. I like straight porn and gay porn and ridiculous stories about things I would probably never do. My favorite porno is the comic Convent of Hell about Satan having group sex with a bunch of Nuns. Maybe someday I will roleplay Satan/Nun sex. Who knows? But liking sex and penetration and porn and SM does not make me any less feminist. Having a fist or dildo up me doesn’t make me any less upset about women having lower wages or the fact that the female population is not adequately represented in politics. Although I admit it does distract me for a half hour or so.
3. I have boobs. BIG boobs. After Celexa they are C-cups pushing D-cup. I show them off sometimes. Sometimes I run around at Pride with my shirt off, because I can. I’ve had them in two films of mine (for which people assume every film I ever make has my boobs in it, uh, no. Ten of twelve videos are boobless.). Sometimes I wear tight t-shirts, both because I like how it feels and because it shows off my breasts. Sometimes I have cleavage revealling tops. Whatev. It doesn’t make me less feminist, less butch, less anything. It makes me a woman who likes my body. And having boobs doesn’t mean I like being sexually harrassed, doesn’t mean I’m looking for something sexual with anybody. It means I have breasts, and if you’re lucky you can meet them face to nipple.
4. Um, I actually can’t think of a fourth one off hand. I eat eggs. I hate my period because it seems useless considering I won’t have kids. I listen to Eminem sometimes. Sometimes I have sex dreams about him. Whatever.
So, yeah. What else has been on my mind?
OH, I know, one thing has been pissing me off for years. I am a filmmaker/video artist. I am also queer. I am also mixed race. And for some reason, EVERY FUCKING time I am curated, it is either in a First Nations exhibition or I am asked to curate some goddamn Queer Native programming. I do not want to be constrained curatorially by my ethnicity or lesbianism or both. I am tired of being Canada’s token red dyke. Go find some other red dyke to be your token. I am tired of first nations people getting freaked out by my frankness about sexuality. I am tired of queers assuming I only think about race when I’ve only made two videos explicitly about race and racism. Please, someone ask me to curate, like a fisting program, or an experimental program, or anything. My favorite curatorial experience was when I had carte blanche to put together something for Video Out’s collection and focused on the theme of low budget personal videos. That kicked ass, and it was an awesome program that I am still very proud of, even though few people saw it because it wasn’t Aboriginal Queer Thirza doing her ghettoized thang.
Take your fucking ghetto and fuck off you fucking fuckers.
OOOOH! ONe more thing that pisses me off. I LOVE Courtney Love. And people bash her, say she’s a skank, say she killed Kurt, say she’s a druggie (and how many male rockers are druggies? Hmmm). Once in my feminist class I mentioned my love of Courtney only to be totally slammed by a MAN who inturrupted me and went on and on about what a bitch she was, and refused to let me finish my sentence about why I think she rocks. Man, if I didn’t have Live Through This when I was a queer teen in Saskatoon, I would have died. She made me feel like I could rebel, and I did.
I felt like I was in the minority of women who thinks she’s cool, but then I came across this article from Margaret Cho’s Blog about people, even feminists, talking shit about Courtney. Margaret, you rock, and Courtney, keep on ROCKING man!
