It’s day 3 of packing, with two more days to pack before the movers arrive to take my stuff to the new place. I printed out a map of where I am moving because there is a back lane they can park in that is closer to my unit. My friend Terri is going to wait around with me for the movers then drive the pups and I to the new place. I’m going to put them in their crates in the bathrooms while stuff is being moved out and in.

I’ve packed almost everything. I have a few odds and ends, and the rest of the dishes, pots and frying pans, and the food in my cupboards (there really isn’t much of that though!). I don’t have too much left to do.

I picked up a lot of garbage today. It’s looking better in here. I think I have more than enough boxes, since a lot of my clothes came in boxes and now they are leaving in garbage bags.

I’m taking some time off tomorrow afternoon to get the keys and go see my friend’s documentary at school. Also I have to pick up my new prescription tomorrow on the way home. Hopefully it’s covered, because I literally have 1.75 left to my name.

My money is still not in. It’s COMING! At some point. I’m getting nervous, especially since I found out it might take 3 weeks from when they got the form. SO LONG!

Good news is that my Indian Residential School personal credits cheque was FINALLY issued. It’s going to take a while to get though, because the admin part of the university is shut down this Friday and Monday. And then they have to mail it to me.

All in all I am getting REALLY nervous about my rent cheque not being able to come through. I’m hoping my money gets deposited on Monday. Last time I got a grant that’s when it got deposited, about two weeks after I got the notice I had received one. So that’s encouraging?

I am really tired of being poor. I get student loan money on Friday, but most of that is going to the movers, and then some is going to my metro pass and some is going to insurance and then hopefully I have some left for food. If I am lucky I might be able to call and get an appointment for my internet to get hooked up. BUT I need at least 240 before I can do that. I’m leaving town on the 8th or 9th to go up north to teach some youth how to make videos, so I really want some wifi for the dogsitter. Because I would feel bad for her if she had no internet access at my place. That makes life unbearable these days.

ALSO I will feel bad having no internet access the next while too! 🙁

All my problems have solutions I am sure, but this cash flow issue is really worrisome, because it’s just been all these delays! And I have expenses coming up!

On Thursday I did my thesis defense! 😀 And I passed! It went really well, I got asked some good questions, and they just want me to do a few minor revisions and then it’s good to be submitted! So that’s one less stress!

This weekend we did the 2 Spirit shoot! I need to shoot for another day, I am going to rent the RED Camera again and do some more. But it’s on track! The first day I had a lot of trouble saying the lines, but today went really really well! I was able to get through the main chunks and I can put edits in between. I’m going to do a shot list for the next shoot, I need three satisfied customers and maybe one clumsy person (which could also be me?? Maybe?). I’m also waiting for Mom to make the beaded whisk prop. That will take two more weeks.

I’m going out of town for a week in August, I’m making money but I’m getting nervous about having enough time to finish this project. By August 7th I need a still or two for the catalogue. I’m not totally sure what I will do, although I do have footage but it’s using a green screen so I need to put something behind it. I was hoping for some prairies, but I’m not sure about using HDV prairie footage with RED RAW footage. SO I am thinking maybe I will just scan some prairie pictures and use those. It doesn’t really need to be moving images in the background.

I also need another camera person for the next shoot, because Irene was helping me but she’s in LA in August. I am thinking maybe Charles Street Video can recommend someone. ALSO I need to get someone to drive me and my stuff. Ugh! Logistics give me a headache!

I’m so anxious too. My anxiety was through the roof this weekend, what with picking up equipment and then doing the shoot and now taking it back. AND THEN I’m gonna be packing up my suite this week and getting ready for the El Cheapo Movers on Saturday, AND Moving the pups too! So that’s a whole other stress. BUT I am hoping to get my shit in my new place and unpack most of it, come back here and clean, and then it’s smooth sailing! Sort of!

However I have had to adjust my timeline for coming back to see my family. I’m gonna go for the last weekend of August and first two weeks of September now, because I have to finish these revisions and get a bound copy of my thesis and supporting paper to Ryerson by August 31st. AND ImagineNATIVE needs a finished copy of my video by September 11th, so I am just gonna try and finish it by the end of August and hand it in then. It’s nerve wracking! :O

But really, September is still summer technically. So I will still get some nice days in Saskatoon.

GAH! This blog post is really just a list of shit I have to do! It’s kind of unglamourous. The unglamourous life of a filmmaker.

ALSO Since I am using the RED camera for the first time, I am thinking of booking the in house editor for the first day at CSV so they can show me some color correction and workflow stuff. Because I DO NOT KNOW the workflow of the RED!

Everytime I see one of those posts of like, a snake on a pile of money, or a whole bunch of canadian 100 dollar bills, or like, Buddha supposedly bringing money, I have been reposting it. Cause they promise that it will bring you money!

AND IT DID!

I got my Canada Council results yesterday, and I got my screenwriting grant! 😀 $20,000 to spend a year writing a feature screenplay called A Skunk Cousins Christmas about a First Nations family dealing with addictions at Christmas! And it’s a comedy! 😀 So that will be fun, way different from the drama I just finished writing for my thesis!

I just went down to the bank and got the direct deposit form filled out, and then went to the post office and xpress posted that form to Canada Council for the money to get deposited! It should get there Wednesday or Thursday and then hopefully get deposited early next week.

OH MY GOD! You cannot imagine the amount of relief I feel. All these things I need to do, move, pay first and last month’s rent, get the dogs to the vet, get an Ontario drivers license, pay for internet to be hooked up, etc. etc. IT’S GONNA HAPPEN! And I can go home with my pups and visit my family! 😀 We’re gonna go for the last week in August and the first week in September. And it means I will be able to go to a festival in October when hopefully my travel grant gets accepted. AND we’ll be able to stop in London on the way home to see things like the tower of London and maybe Buckingham Palace (although is that really exciting??) and stuff! Haunted tour of London!

And I can get a vacuum! 😀 For my one rug! And just live and have groceries and some financial freedom for a while. It’s so amazing! I’ve been so poor this past year! Paying too much rent, not making much income from a LOAN no less! And then the whole terrible fall of last year when I was going through the forever process of getting my student loan approved!

Things can change so fast. It’s a good thing.

I know money is a temporary thing, whether you are rich or poor, but hopefully this lasts me for the next year. I think it will if I am careful!

So I found out, 35 days later, that my IRS Personal Credits cheque STILL has not been issued. Not only that, but the 30 days to have it issued within isn’t even true! They don’t give a shit! They’re just gonna do it whenever, and they don’t have timelines for when it’s going to be done! This is so fucked up! I am considering going to the media and telling them how fucked up this process has been. I need this money within two weeks for when I move, because I need first and last months rent. But no, they aren’t going to give it to me right now. BECAUSE THEY ARE INCOMPETENT! I have been trying to get this money since January. In actual fact, I have been trying to get this money since September when school first started. I have paperwork that proves that. The whole process has been negative, and all over a small sum of 3000 dollars. I have a feeling this is actually a scam. They are scamming Residential School survivors families by promising money and then balking when it is time to pay up. There is no way this is appropriate. It should have been an open and shut process of dispensing money. Instead it is drawn out and they are using probably most of the money for administrative costs.

I am so fucking mad! Something has to be done about this! I contacted my MP but after I got approved for payment she didn’t do anything more. BECAUSE A CHEQUE SHOULD HAVE JUST GONE OUT! But no! And I know for a fact that I am not the only person suffering through this process. I know of someone else’s relative who has been waiting for two years for her money. How is this okay? This is NOT okay! I think they are just doing this because we are Native, because if we were white we sure would get our money in a more timely fashion!

In short FUCK YOU CRAWFORD CLASS ACTION SERVICES! You are incompetent and mismanaging funds!

Today I woke up early and waited around and actually missed the phone call from the co-op, but I got the place! 😀
Now I have to arrange internet service, book movers, pack my stuff, set up gas and electricity service, and get tenant insurance. WHEW! SO much stuff!
I’m excited! And I also found out Just Dandy got into the Paris Lesbian and Feminist Film Festival. So I’m going to try and get a travel grant to go. I think it would be awesome. And I can take someone with me as my mental health assistant! Yay!

I am still waiting on Personal Credits to be deposited and for grant results. Why is it taking so long? Cry cry cry.
Ah, that’s about all I have to mention today. Good news! Stressful, but good! And the landlady here is ok with me breaking the lease on September 1st (even tho I am leaving August 1st actually). So that’s a relief.
BIG CHANGES!

Something exciting is developing. Last week I got a call from the co-op I applied to and am on the waiting list for that a one bedroom came available. It’s only two thirds of the rent I am paying now, and much more my size. I went to see it on Thursday. It’s beautiful. Nice and sunny, lots of greenspace around. The floors are nice and there’s a balcony and it comes with basic cable. It’s an upper suite, and has a gas stove and a clawfoot bathtub.

They said they would get back to me on Friday, but I didn’t hear anything until the evening when I got an email saying they would be back in the office on Tuesday and be able to tell me about availability and paperwork that morning. SO I’ve been anxiously waiting all weekend. And all day tomorrow. I don’t know for sure if I have it yet, but the fact that they mentioned paperwork is encouraging.

So I am waiting.

I haven’t heard about grant results yet. Nervewracking!

And my damned personal credits haven’t been deposited to my account yet, so I can’t get a refund yet either. I don’t know who to call now because it’s not the responsibility of the personal credits people, now it’s the trustee at the government’s job. BUT also yesterday it was supposed to have been issued for sure, because they only have 30 days to issue it. So it had better arrive this week.

Probably when I get them I will be using most of it to pay movers and first and last months rent. So I’m not gonna be able to have a lot of fun with them. Also Posey is due for her shots. Poor Pose! She hates the vet.

Today at around 4pm I submitted my finished supporting paper. The last thing I have to do is a 20 minute oral presentation on the 23rd. But I’M DONE! I made it! And I only needed a day extension!
I also got my Sasktel cheque today! I sent some to my landlady and got some fruit, chocolate, tarts, wet dog food, and special dog treats. And I got a five dollar scratch and win and won 27 dollars! 😀

Things are looking up!

I just have to get through the next week until more money starts coming in, like those Personal Credits. And I don’t know when I will hear about the grant. I’m nervous. I hate that I always really need it and often it doesn’t happen. I don’t want to go on ODSP because there’s no way it will cover even my rent and utilities and they watch your bank account to make sure you don’t access any other money. So it’s either a grant or a job. Or both. Yikes!

BUT more money is coming in August also from a gig I am doing. AND I get artist fees then. So I won’t starve, at least not this summer. By September I for sure need a steady income though!

But for now, I am just going to feel satisfied that I completed my program. It’s a good feeling to be able to finish a degree! And especially being a full time student after a long period of self employment with not very steady income. Whew! It was really stressful, especially the first semester when I was having such a hard time getting my student loans sorted out! I was so poor! Well, I’m still poor really. But that’s ok!

The pups are relaxing and I think I should take them for a walk before the sun goes down.

Oh man, my money is still so far away! >:( Personal Credits aren’t deposited to my account yet. I was hoping they would come a little earlier, but it looks like they are going to do it at the very last second. I didn’t get my GST today like I thought I would, which was super disappointing. I kept looking online to figure out what was going on with it, and it just said N/A. What does that even mean???? Not applicable? But I’m sure I am eligible. They did say I am getting an Ontario Trilium Benefit of 212.69 on the 10th. So that’s encouraging. And my phone company is sending my cheque, eventually. I hope.
But that’s just money stuff. I haven’t heard about my grant yet, and I checked and last time I applied for a grant I didn’t hear till July 14th. So I might have to wait a while.
Nothing on the job front.
OH! But my script is “done” and by done I mean I have it polished up and it’s been submitted to my advisor and second reader. I am going to be doing the rest of my supporting paper today and tomorrow. I didn’t work on it all afternoon. BUT that is okay. It will get finished!
I have to write 10 more pages. I’m worried I’m not being academic enough, but actually maybe it is okay. I am just gonna write from the heart about my project.
I don’t know if I know what my research question was though. I think I wrote it down somewhere so I am checking all my old stuff, power points, notes, etc.
I’m so close to being done! It’s within my grasp! UGH!
I spent some of my last dollars on a celebratory big mac meal. But I think I’m gonna go buy an onion now and try to make some casserole for supper.

I called the Personal Credits office last week and was told that on June 11th they finally approved them and sent off the request to the trustee to write a cheque! SOOOOO By July 11th they should arrive at my school, and a week or so after that I can get a refund! It’s a ways away. BUT it is in sight! AND really it could happen sooner! So that’s good!
Also I called my old phone company and found out I’m getting a 300 dollar credit back! Which is good! BUT it’s gonna be four to six weeks before I get it. Which seems like a really long time!
I should be hearing about my grant in the first week of July! And then it will be about two weeks from then IF I get it that I can get a direct deposit.
I guess what I am trying to say is that my money is all enroute (although the grant is totally unknown at this point) and it’s gonna get here. It’s just taking a while.
I’m really nervous about this grant. IF I don’t get it I’m gonna have to find a job. And I’ve been looking and applying, but no bites yet. It’s a little nervewracking. I’ve been in this situation and been disappointed so many times. But before I had more of a safety net, whereas this time I am going to be getting my last student loan deposit in August. Yikes!
Mom is currently in Lethbridge doing a big intensive job interview/talk/tour thing at the University. I am really hoping she gets it. Things are lining up for her really well right now, the terrible horrible neighbors that drove her property values down last time she tried to sell her house are moving, so it might be that she can sell it a lot easier!
Aside from that, I’ve been diligently working on my script. It’s pretty tight. BUT it’s about 14 pages shorter than the goal. Still, I’m at this point where I feel like I don’t want to add any useless filler. I sent it to my cousin Deanna and she loved it, so that makes me feel good. I sent the third draft to my advisor and second reader last night. I haven’t heard back from either of them yet, but my advisor usually does really good notes.
********later*********
I got an email from a job I applied for that I really want! It’s for a Videographer/Editor and they wanted to see some video samples so I sent them links to four of my videos on Vimeo! 😀 EEEEEEE OMG PLEEZ let them want an interview!
Mom and I talked briefly on chat about her day, she said it was gruelling but her power was dying before she could say much more! Either way she is going for supper with them and I really hope it’s a good sign! 😀

I read my tarot cards today, Death came up, and The Wheel of Fortune, and some other ones indicating a cycle is over and a new one starting. Which I am assuming means the end of my masters program, which is IN SIGHT! I sent in my latest draft to my advisor and second reader, and I’m gonna work on it some more. It is still 25 pages shy of my goal. BUT I feel a lot better about it.

I am thinking about ways I need to change my life, like getting more active with the dogs, and trying to work on strength training exercises, and finding some reliable constant income coming in. I applied for another job. I’m waiting to hear about a grant. I will find out so soon! July 1st I should know! It will help me decide what to do for the future, and if I have to stress about getting another job soon. I hope I get it, because there are three weeks this summer where I need to be out of town to visit my mom and do some mentoring. Eeep!

I haven’t heard anything new about the Personal Credits, but I am hoping by Friday I can call the woman working on it and get an update.

My doctor called on Friday about my ultrasounds, but I didn’t get in touch with her in time.

The first med change has gone alright, nothing terrible has happened. Hopefully in July we can work on changing another medication to a newer one. A better one!

I’m being drawn to working out more. I could go to the school’s gym if I wanted, but I think I might start out with walking the dogs more and exercising at home. I don’t really want to lose weight, but I do want more muscles, especially in my arms.

Ahhhh, what else? I am excited about life and it’s changes, I am ready to begin a new cycle and walk away from old behaviours!