Sick

The other day I was hanging around with some folks when the most disturbing thing happened. I was talking with a friend about getting a dog, and how sometimes it takes a while to housebreak a puppy. I mean, I have raised two puppies in my life, I remember cleaning up poop. Anyway, this other guy just says “No no no. You can housebreak a puppy in three weeks, you just have to rub it’s nose in it’s shit.” And my friend is nodding, and they’re all being very “We’re older than you and know best.”

Ugh, I have never hated a fellow human so much. I did serious heavy duty research in how to raise and own a dog over years of my life, reading all the books, going to obedience class. And if there’s one thing I know is that it’s cruelty to animals to rub a puppy’s nose in shit. What you’re supposed to do is keep your eye on it and scoot it outside when it looks like it’s going to pee or poop. And be ridiculously vocal and happy when they do it outside. I mean, would you rub a babies face in it’s own shit to potty train it? No, and a baby doesn’t even have the same highly developed sense of smell that a puppy has.

So I was really mad last night. I really hope they don’t expect me to be like that when my new best friend comes home, whenever that is.

The endless saga of my Cell phone

The other day the antennae on my cell snapped right off in my hand.

“Hello? Hello? Can you hear me?”

‘What? Hello? Are you there?”

“I’m here, I’m here!”

“I can’t hear you at all.”

“Arg!”

I am phoneless. Again. I went to the store today to get a new phone, but the one I wanted was too expensive UNLESS Customer Service mailed it to me in 2 to 3 business days, in which case I could save 50 bucks. Why? Why why why? Does that make any kind of sense to you? I mean, there it was, right in the store, I could have just gotten it then. Instead they have to put it in a wrapper and put postage on it and mail it out to SAVE MONEY. Weird.

Besides that, my phone had gotten a bad habit of turning itself off at random moments.

My new phone is really cute, it’s a flippy one too, I like those better than non flippies.

Oh yeah, so I get home and call the toll free number to order it AND THEIR OFFICES ARE CLOSED! Yet their store downtown was open? Ugh, I hate Fido sometimes.

So basically, if you call me before wednesday, I will be able to hear you perfectly, but you will only hear fragments of me. It is sad.

Missing furry friends

The other night, when I couldn’t sleep, I started really missing Clive. It was the exact situation where he would run up to me and start licking my nose, being goofy and making me laugh. I’ve always had pets, I can’t imagine living without some sweet fuzzy thing to play with and take care of.

And then I started thinking about all the things I could do with a weiner dog, how it could sleep on my bed watching videos with me, where it’s food dish would be, how I could rub it’s wet little nose on my nose, going for walks, sharing ice cream. I was having a total dog owner fantasy, the likes of which I haven’t had since I was a kid, pestering my mother for two solid years to let me get a dog.

I was a persistent person. I’d read “Old Yeller” and “Where the Red Fern Grows” and something about boy adventures with their best furry pals made me yearn for a fellow of my own to romp with. Never mind that the dogs always died at the end of the stories. I mean, they weren’t rats, they wouldn’t die in three years. So I thought.

Either way, having a dog is more responsibility (and more fun!) than having a rat. And since my biological clock’s ticking, giving it an outlet by having a little puppy around to raise and teach good dog manners seems the best option.

But I still don’t have a job, eBay didn’t get back to me. My next application is at 1-800-U-Got-Junk. If I land the job I’ll be able to have a pup!

Puppy puppy puppy.

Never expected to feel like this

It’s day 6 of not smoking. While I’ve pissed out all the nicotine 3 days ago, I am still going through hell! I can’t sleep because suddenly my body’s getting twice the caffiene it normally gets. As a smoker I’m used to having a high tolerance for the stuff, but no more! I’m moody, I’m crabby, I have cravings and then ignore them. I’m breaking out in big zits all over my chin, and I’m coughing up phlegm. The whole things is pretty disgusting, and I feel like a crazy person. I guess I had never realized how toxic it was.

It’s horrendous agony and I don’t remember quitting the last time being so difficult. I almost had a smoke just so I’d get a decent sleep, instead of wrestling around with the duvet, getting a slick sheen of desperate sweat. Thrashing around and watching the sun come up.

But today I had to run for the bus, and I didn’t get out of breath.

A bottle of milk . . .

A loaf of bread, and a stick of butter.

I need a toaster.

Day four of not smoking. I am still having crappy sleep.

I should go to the store.

Stupid . . .

My fridge was broken. For as long as I have lived here the fridge has been broken. And on the dare of my mother I opened it today and took out three rotten things to throw away which had been sitting in there for some months. Like a block of cheese, which was brown and fuzzy.

And then later tonight I inspected the fridge after airing it out and finally found the on switch.

I’m currently trying to figure out how I can have lived this long without a fridge, and why I never noticed the switch before.

My shopping list tomorrow will include butter, juice, condiments, milk, fruit, vegetables, and other perishable items.

I’m excited.

Unfortunately, now my can opener is missing.

Stench, grime, paperwork, and dust

Cleaning this apartment has been a lot like embarking on an archaeological excavation. I haven’t found King Tut’s tomb, but I have found the detrius of several unfinished scripts and video ideas. Re-reading some of them has been terribly delightful, though not inspiring. I can see why most of them didn’t even make it to tape.

I’m also proud to say that I am three days without a cig! I’m so goofily happy about it. I can smell things, taste things, and I’m not so smelly. I’m more kissable too.

Of course I’m cranky as hell and whenever I’m trying to sleep I end up tossing and turning all night. But this will all pass, so they say. The cravings don’t bother me, I haven’t been tremendously triggered yet, but the insomnia is a pain in the butt.

I read today that clearing away the clutter in your home is a way to bring new things into your life. Soooooo, maybe I am finally after many years clearing some room for a girlfriend. Or dates anyway. I’m terribly excited to finally have this mess behind me.

And I will be able to invite someone over and say “Welcome to my gracious bedroom.”

Of course hooking up me t.v., dvd, and vcr is more difficult than it should be. I don’t understand, I thought I had the modulator in the right order. If anyone has tips on which is hooked to what, please let me know. Right now it’s DVD to the modulator to the VCR to the television. Maybe it has to go right to the television? ??? Bloody degree in film and video and I can’t even hook up my dvd player.

fucking EXPENSIVE!

Well, I am finally starting to feel like I’ve got a tenuous hold on things. I’m trying to help turn my life around, by doing self-interested good deeds, like cleaning this sty and quitting smoking! Today marks 24 hours without a cigarette! I am very proud.

I’ve got this theory, this nagging worry, that my smoking was a major factor in not having a girlfriend. I have never had a girlfriend while I’ve been a smoker. And I’ve been a smoker for a very long time!

Being smelly is not fun for other people. Oh sure, you get used to it, but whew, around everyone else you’re a walking ashtray.

The huge big reason behind quitting though is that it is fucking EXPENSIVE! Apparently I spend over two thousand dollars a year on cigarettes alone. And I’m not even a really heavy smoker. I mean what a waste of money.

Moving In . . . Still

I have been taking advantage of my unemployed status to clean and organize my apartment in between internet searches for jobs. Yesterday I attacked the dirty dishes, the gross countertop, and my very cluttered desk. Today I was going to unpack my cds when I finally found a crucial piece of my bookshelf. La la la, moved things around, and now it’s up! All I have to do is fill it with crap and hopefully these boxes of THINGS will finally be out of my space.

I’m excited by the prospect of finally having a home I can invite friends over to. And perhaps even a LADY friend. I’ve greatly missed having a place to bring someone back to where they won’t start thinking there is something very very wrong with me.

I applied for a job at eBay yesterday, being a customer service representative. I haven’t heard back yet. Ugh, I really have to work on my resume again. I have a bazillion different versions for various jobs, but some are woefully out of date.

I’m tired of being poor. But maybe having a clean and organized apartment will perk me up.

Julie Andrews is a Lesbian!

My Mary Poppins crush has been sated. I’m kinda lazy today, so I’ve decided to post a link. Go read some more celebrity gossip, it’s better than People!
Get me Gossip!