LIFE IS QUIET i’m really missing going to festivals though, which means I have to get my videos out there again. I’m not going to bother fixing my stupid keyboard’s antics this post.

So enough sitting around on my ass. I have to get a camera with firewire and then output my very late video.

It’s kind of a strange video because it was made for installations.

I also have to get my priorities fixed this summer while I work on my new video. I’m thinking of it as a road movie I guess. I really need to be giving it more thought and attention.

I’ve been considering quitting pot. Altogether or cutting back. I’m not sure which yet, but I’m thinking it’s been a waste of time lately. I need to get more creative, and it’s not helping my creativity anymore. Probably never did really.

I’m also trying to shoot my new video You Are A Lesbian Vampire. I’m going to make it really short. Probably about two minutes. I want it to be really sexy and funny. Carrie Gates has already agreed to be the vampire, so it should be fun. I just need a victim-girlfriend now. And I already have someone in mind. Yay for victim girlfriends! LOL! I shouldn’t say such things as a feminist. More LOL.

Where am I? Oh yeah, so I’m planning two road trips in North America and Scotland. And doing a shoot sometime soon. Maybe this week. It depends if I can recharge my phone enough to get a hold of Carrie for scheduling. I’ve realized I really need to refocus on my career. I was getting somewhere for a while there. I need to get it back on track man. I miss hitting the festival circut. That was always fun.

Anyway, I’m 30 now and that means I’m ready for big changes. I want to keep control over my bipolar disorder. The meds I am on are really great right now. I’m pretty happy. Not manic happy, but content with life. I’m discontent actually, which is why I need the big changes. I dunno. I’m quitting smoking, which is going okay, despite slips. I’m on the patch and sticking with it.

I need to clean more, is one issue I could deal with I guess.

I really need to consider this road movie aspect of my project. I need to get a better handle on it. I’m thinking of using a heartbeat for my vampire project, just this quiet heartbeat on the whole soundtrack. I’m currently making my summer music playlist for my ipod.

My cat just pooped in a box, and it smells! Schrodinger, you’re such a bad kitty!

My tattoo got finished a couple of days ago. Wow, right now my animals are all supremely calm. I don’t want to disturb it. They are sacked out. I wonder what they do when I am not here. Anyway, getting it finished, the tattoo I mean, wasn’t too bad. I don’t particularly enjoy getting tattooed, but the end results always seem to be worth it. I like having a nice piece of art adorn my body. Anyway, here is the end result.

Hey hey hey! I’m in the Spring issue of SPIRIT right now with my short story Horsie. Be sure to check it out on the newsstands, it is full of sexy NDNs getting it on. Also you can see my video Helpless Maiden Makes an “I” Statement at non-compliance.ca.

Be sure to check it out!

I’m getting high on two very intense pot brownies that my cuz No Ass D and I made together. We’re watching V for Vendetta and acting silly, but her favorite scene is on so I thought I would blog.

I got fifty bucks and a lucky bamboo and a swimming suit for my 30th birthday. The Bamboo is really cute, and I have underwear made out of bamboo, so it matches.

Why am I blogging in this condition? Good question mon ami.

Well, sometimes it amuses me. And really the number one reason I blog is because it amuses me. I’ve done it for so long now, well over ten years. And I wish I still had some of my early stuff. Oh well.

They are intently watching V pour Vendetta again. Blood everywhere, groddy!

Bollocks.

I like saying that, I ought to say that more often.
anyway, back to entertaining the guests. Tomorrow morning we are having toad in the hole for brekky.

Yours truly may be hosting a show on CFCR starting sometime in the not too distant future. Rainbow Radio is looking for hosts, and I’m itching to do something in the community. It’s a GLBT show every Sunday night. I used to volunteer at a show called Women Visions in Vancouver at their co-op radio station. I’ve been wanting to do something at CFCR for a while now, and so this is right up my alley. And I really like working the switches and stuff at radio stations. That’s super fun. I love techy stuff of all nature, because I’m a geek.

I’m also thinking of doing volunteer work for Pride, and maybe finding a group of like minded people to run play parties, AND I still want to start up a film festival. And there was something else I was thinking of doing. I’m a busy tomboy. I still want to volunteer at Hantleman. Someone told me not to, but I liked spending time with the volunteer I saw. And I know crazy people inside and out. I’ve been around enough of them, that’s for sure, in all states of craziness.

I’m feeling pretty good these days, surprisingly. I guess my life is going better than I’d hoped. I still want to make my feature though. I did network with a producer on Facebook, I’m thinking of asking her advice on where I go next with my screenplay, as in who’s looking to produce a feature.

Networking’s the most important part of being a filmmaker, but sometimes I’m just so damned shy about it. I don’t put myself out there as much as some filmmakers. I don’t self promote as much as I should. It’s a problem. Which is why maybe getting out in the community will be good for me.

Oh, I’m also going to try to start writing for the local alternative biweekly Planet S. I’ve been wanting to write for them for a while now, and I think it would be a lot of fun. So eee!

Hey, apparently my work is now showing at the National Gallery in Ottawa. Pretty cool hey?

That video of the soldier throwing a puppy off a cliff was so horrible, I kept thinking about that poor dog for ages. I hate seeing shit like that because it makes me feel so angry about people who abuse animals. Animals can’t defend themselves, especially not a puppy.

MY puppy is doing very well. I was out yesterday for most of the day and he did okay. Of course when I got home he was excited and jumping on me licking me. Silly boy.

I love my dog, I’m so glad I finally get to live with him again.

Last night my kitty was BAD! So bad, first he was getting his claws in the screen window by my bed and trying to pull it out. Then he got his toy mouse and started PLAYING ON ME! It was four in the morning and I finally had to escort him to the bedroom door and kicked him out. Then he banged on the door for a while to get back in.

Bad kitty! Anyway, I slept until a little while ago to try and catch up on my sleep.

So far this coop living is nice. I live kinda far from everything though, So I renewed my learner’s license and I’m going to try and learn to drive this summer. I hope I hope.

Ugh! I hate watching images of what the soldiers are doing in Iraq. Here’s another series of horrid clips, including the infamous water bottle chase, and a soldier THROWING a puppy! Not to mention making muslim kids chant We Love Pork. Sick, and the commander of this horrid war is about as sick as the soldiers themselves. Gross. What kind of America are they going to get after this war is over, all kinds of seriously sociopathic soldiers coming back? Are there EVER going to be war crimes trials?

In other news, last night my dog at three in the morning decided to get his squeaky teddy bear out and went squeak squeak squeak all the way from the living room back to my bedroom. It woke me up, that’s for sure. Then he went back to bed. Weird dog!

Some funny for you.

Cause the tent’s so big in your pants baby . . .

I love Peaches. She rocks out! Tonight is my meditation circle with Barb Powell. I’m pretty stoked about it. I’m going to learn about using tools to meditate with. It should be enlightening.

I like doing things to contribute to my personal growth. And I think meditation is very good for bipolar people. I know, none of this has any relation to the Peaches video. You’re disappointed, I can tell.

Once I did this amazing candle meditation where my empathy expanded to include creatures all around the world. And I could feel myself as a whale swimming in the ocean, and then an ant walking along the edge of a leaf. When I went really manic there was one point when my empathy expanded again to include all kinds of animals, and I had a really hard time eating meat.

Actually I’m having a hard time eating meat sometimes. It’s been difficult. I don’t know what that’s about. I like meat, I just don’t know, if I had to kill it myself I might not be able to.

I read recently about a man in Austria who kept his daughter locked in the basement for over 20 years and fathered seven of her children. Pretty horrid! How can something like that happen? Some people. I wonder what his sentence will be. And three of them never saw the light of day. Ugh!

My dog had a bad night, poor baby. I came home later than I’d hoped, and he was all excited to see me, jumping up and whinging away, and then about half an hour later he started throwing up, and didn’t stop for an hour. and he started crying too, poor little guy. Anyway, he’s MUCH better this morning and we went for our little walk and stuff. But now there’s still puddles of dog puke I have to clean up. He puked so much eventually he was just puking foam. Poor dude. Thats a gross story for you.

I like living in this coop, and I’m starting to get used to taking the long bus. It’s actually only about half an hour to get downtown, which isn’t bad.

My cuz who had the manic episode is Captain Sleepypants. She crashed at my party around nine thirty and slept until noon the next day. When I went to visit her she was also very sleepy. I guess it’s a combination of recovering from mania and getting used to the medication. Which reminds me, I have to pick up my meds today.

Today is my thirtieth birthday. The main things I have to do are clean up a bit, make pot brownies, and await my guests. It’s a classy meal of pizza after hot dogs and hamburgers were stricken from the menu when we couldn’t move the barbecue over to my place. So pizza it is.

I don’t know who will show up. It might just be a small crowd, but that would be nice too. I think the pot brownies in lieu of a birthday cake is a pretty good idea, but we’ll see. Also I’ve been sick and it’s no good me trying to smoke it, because all it does is make me cough and cough. BLEH!

My mother is also sick. I’m over at her house right now waiting for her to finish her nap. She’s supposed to take me out for a few things. And I want to get home and get started on those brownies. Making them I mean. I doubt it will take very long. The most involved part is extracting the THC, but I think it should go tickety boo. I’ve never made pot brownies before, so this is all new for me. I don’t think I’ve even ever had a pot brownie. I’ve had pot cookies, and other kinds of pot things. I had a drink once that made me hallucinate, I don’t know what was in it. But it sure was good.

So I didn’t have crepes for breakfast, which kinda sucked, but oh well. No mimosas either. I guess I should get makings for mimosas. It’s hard planning your own thirtieth birthday party.

I feel, well, I’m finally thirty. I didn’t really think I would make it this far. I outlived Janis Joplin, Jim Morrison, and Kurt Cobain! And yet I haven’t nearly achieved as much fame. Oh well, something to look forward to in my thirties. I was so sure I’d be dead by now. And I’m not! And to celebrate, we’re having Alice B Toklas Brownies! From Duncan Hines.

I’m trying an oil based recipe, it’s supposed to be easier than extracting from butter. BUTTERS! That’s my favorite character on South Park. My socks are even matching today, that’s how mature I am at 30.

Although 30 is supposedly the new 20. Which means, I’m 20 today! What! NO! I will not go through my 20’s ever again! Once was enough!